Paying The Piper
by Zosie
Summary: How did my life end up like this? One minute I'm happily married with the perfect daughter and all is rosy. Now I have no husband and a new child who reminds me every day of what I have lost.A story of love and healing, between Edward and Bella.M
1. Chapter 1

**Please remember, this story, like all my stories, is fanFICTion. Just pretend what happens is accurate for the sake of the story. Cheers.**

Paying The Piper

How did my life end up like this? One minute I'm happily married with the perfect daughter and all is rosy. Now I have no husband and a new child who reminds me every day of what I have lost.

Chapter One

BPOV

"Bella, I hate to have to remind you again but she is your daughter, and you planned her birth to the nth degree. You can't just abandon her and expect me to raise her. I've been there and done that and retired the Tshirt."

"Please Mom," I begged. "Just for another week. Just until I sort myself out."

"Bella, that has been your excuse for weeks now. I'm putting my foot down. You be here before noon tomorrow or I call Children's Services and surrender her. Maybe they can find her a family that would love her and want her, in a way you haven't even tried to."

"Don't you dare say that. I've loved her as well I am able. Mom, could you just give me some more time? Please."

"Sorry Bella. I've been reading up on situations like this. It's called practising tough love. You step up to the plate or Bonnie goes to some family that deserves her. Bella, she is such a sweet little girl. I don't understand how you can turn your back on her. She's your flesh and blood."

"Gee, well maybe it's in my genes. Maybe I inherited the ability to abandon my child from you," I yelled down the phone as I slammed it down.

Renee never had a problem walking out of the front door of the home my Dad Charlie had slaved to provide. **She **turned her back on him, her husband, as well as me, her then three year old daughter and nobody ever condemned her for it. Charlie still kept in touch with her, despite everything we had gone through as a single parent family. I knew I had issues from my past but surely she could at least identify with how I felt at this moment.

Not that she ever loved me like I loved my first child. I did know how to love a child, with that unconditional love we are meant to feel. I felt that. I felt it the moment Blythe was born. Before, even. I felt it from the moment Jake and I knew she existed. Sure, she was a tiny group of cells, not even a baby yet, but I loved her.

I do love Bonnie as well, but somehow bonding with her has been so much harder. Circumstances forced us to conceive her at a time when neither of us was even slightly ready to welcome a new baby and I know it's wrong and it's criminal and I know, beginning her with the expectation she would be born and save her sister was massively unfair. It wasn't her choice to be nothing like Blythe in the ways that counted.

Completely incompatible.

Blythe was better off with a bone marrow donation from a stranger.

Only that had worked out to be just as useless, hadn't it? All that pain and suffering, and she died anyway.

It wasn't fair. I know life is not meant to be fair, but does it really have to be this hard? I know I'm doing the wrong thing by Bonnie, but on days like today, the whole thought maybe she is better off without me has to be considered. Maybe Jacob had been right. Maybe I shouldn't have had her, once we knew she wasn't a match.

But abortion was so...cold and calculated.

_Sorry kid, we conceived you for one reason and it isn't going to turn out like we all hoped. So, yeah, I hope you understand why we flushed you away._

Was letting her be born and refusing to love her unconditionally any better? I wanted to love her like that. I assumed once she was born, I would take her into my arms and fall completely in love, but you know, sometimes it just doesn't happen.

Jake refused to attend the birth, saying it was too little, too late and he didn't want to meet his new daughter. Not at all. Never. She wasn't Blythe so what was the point?

Blythe was dead by then. Despite everything the doctors and specialists had tried, she was gone. Living with the angels, gone home to be with Jesus, or just nothing. Does it really matter? Whatever you believe, it doesn't change the fact the child you adored and lived for no longer exists. Maybe she is existing somewhere else, how would I know?

You can't see angels, apparently. I have asked her, begged her, for a sign. If I just knew she was somewhere...

Jake's belief that we simply end, just disappear after death, was haunting me, because as hard as living in a world where Blythe no longer existed was, I really wanted to know she was somewhere.

My cell buzzed. No doubt Renee voicing new threats.

"Yes?" I said tersely. Why can't she just do this one thing for me? Keep Bonnie safe and let me try and handle the first anniversary of Blythe's death next week. That's all I need her to do. It's not like she ever had to lift a finger to look after me once I turned three.

She left on my third birthday.

Can you believe that? The woman couldn't have waited one more day? Lived without her new lover, Phil, for one more single night, just so I wouldn't have that date burned into my brain the rest of my life?

"_So, when did your mother leave?"_

People ask that all the time. I don't really know why when she deserted me is relevant but of course, unlike other kids in my position, who answer "I think I was about four", "I can't remember exactly, I wasn't going to school yet, I know that", they have no idea how lucky they are.

For me, it's there. Always there.

"_She abandoned me on my third birthday."_

_She threw me a party and while my Daddy was holding me up to blow out the candles, she waved from the doorway and said Goodbye. And left._

_Never came back._

_I still have the toy panda she had given me that morning when I woke up. I guess it was my consolation prize._

_You lost your Mom but look at the pretty toy. Aren't you a lucky girl?_

No way to forget that, is there?

"Bella? Have you heard from him?" the sad voice on the phone asks me and shifts my attention back to the present. So, not my Mom. His Dad.

"No, Billy. Not a word."

"He will be okay, right? Jake would never do anything reckless... Would he? Bella, he wouldn't, would he?"

"I don't think so ,Billy. I think he might come back, next week, for the..."

"The anniversary of her passing," he finishes for me.

"Yes," I nod, sobbing again. Always sobbing. I wish I could just accept her loss and be a person again. Be a real mother. Not this pathetic rung-out dishrag. This empty shell. I used to be a real person, you know. I used to know how to look after myself, and my child. I used to work, and run our home, and look after Blythe, and be there whenever Jacob wanted me. I used to cook meals for Billy and also for Charlie, my Dad. I used to fill their freezers with tasty casseroles and keep their cake tins full of baked goods, and take my daughter to the hospital for chemo in between.

I used to manage.

Until they sent us to Seattle for intensive therapy that Forks Hospital couldn't provide.

Now I can't seem to remember to get dressed of a morning. Remembering to feed and change a baby regularly had been beyond my capabilities lately.

"Bella, would you bring Bonnie over, for a visit?" he asks.

"I've told you, Billy. Bonnie is staying with my Mom for a while. Just until I get through the anniversary next week. Then I will go get her and bring her home. I promise."

"I want to see her. She looks so much like her sister. Like my girls. Blythe is the spitting image of Rebecca and Rachel when they were small. Did I ever tell you that? I couldn't believe two little girls could look so alike, even twins, but my girls...you couldn't tell them apart. Sometimes even Sarah thought Rachel was Rebecca, did I ever tell you that?"

A million times. And he's already confusing Bonnie with Blythe.

There is one fundamental difference.

Blythe is dead.

Bonnie is alive.

I ended the call and wandered into the nursery Bonnie had inhabited until everything got too hard last month. Just seeing that date rolling around, coming up on the calendar, had been too much. Of course, Renee was the very worst person I could have chosen to leave the poor baby with. That woman didn't have a maternal bone in her entire body.

I guess, as pathetic as I am, Bonnie is still better off with me. I grabbed her stuffed bear and grabbed my coat and purse.

Time I woke up to myself and became grateful for what I did have, before I lost her as well. I did love her. It's just that everything was so different.

When Jacob and I found out we were going to be parents for the first time, and the stick had turned pink so unexpectedly, we had been shocked.

I remember standing there in the bathroom, doing my hair that Jake had managed to turn into a rats nest the night before in bed, and thinking we were so totally overreacting. I'd never been regular. I was not one of those girls who could plan her life around her periods and wear white during the 'safe' weeks.

Nope, sometimes mine had a mere two weeks in between, and sometimes they stayed away for months. Of course, they always returned at the most embarrassing time possible. Like in Biology. I remember my lab partner, Edward Cullen, leaning in and giving me the heads up. Of course, I still had to walk out of class with my stained white jeans there on show for everyone to see. He's sensed my mortification and pulled off his black hoodie and tied it around my waist.

I don't know that it had fooled anyone but at least they didn't see the evidence for themselves as I headed for my old truck and drove home to shower and change.

I didn't go back to school that day.

Come to think of it, I don't think I even gave Edward his hoodie back. He never asked, and I forgot. He was a teenage boy, he probably didn't want it back anyway after I'd used it tied around me like that.

I'd washed it. Alone, so no fluff from other clothes had stuck to the black fabric and I hung it out to dry, but I ended up tossing it in my closet.

I know I wore it a few times. Despite the washing, it still smelt like him. God, I was such a weird teenager. I used to sit there beside him in English and Biology, hiding behind my hair, just smelling him. Weird, right?

I don't think he knew. I never told Jake about it, I know that for sure. He was paranoid enough. He was always convinced one day I would dump him and run off with Edward.

I shook my head in laughter. Like Edward Cullen, with his coppery hued brown hair and amazing green eyes had ever looked my way. He had the face and body of an Adonis. Or is the saying, 'of Adonis'? Is there only one or is 'Adonis' a generic term for good looking men in general?

Anyway, Jake had been deluded. Nothing like that ever happened. We'd be happy and fairly evenly matched, Jake and I. We were both kind of ordinary, average, I guess.

We became something more after Blythe was born. We were amazing parents. Everyone said it. The dear old ladies in Forks would smile at me as I pushed our perfect child in her stroller and did the grocery shopping, and picked out pretty fabrics to sew dresses for her.

She was gorgeous to look at. Like the mediocre genes we had mixed somehow took all Jake's best bits and all mine, and rejected the awkward bits, and created a miracle. How we two had ever been blessed with such a perfect child was a mystery. I guess we should have known it was too good to be true. Too good to last.

Mom always said the good die young, and Blythe was so good.

Blythe was amazing. She was a baby who strangers paused in their tracks to smile at and admire. She was a baby that made our local girl- made- good, Rosalie Hale, doubt her own life long conviction that she didn't ever want a child.

I hardly knew Rose before Blythe was born, but afterwards, she was always stopping me in the street when she was home from New York for a visit to her parents, and she'd shriek and tell me what an amazing child I had. She'd forget who she was, catwalk model and superstar Rosalie Hale, and turn into some blathering ordinary woman, doing baby talk in the street. Often she crouched on the sidewalk, forgetting her thousand dollar skirt was dragging in the dirt.

It would have been funny if it hadn't been so sweet. Usually she was sophisticated glamour supermodel mode. She even gave our daughter little gifts. Dresses we'd never afford with brand names. Toys that weren't found in the General Store here.

We'd had no idea during that pregnancy how blessed we were to be. Both Jake and I expected an ordinary, average baby. We'd loved every minute of the nine months of waiting, and between us, we had stockpiled enough baby clothes for the infant population of a small country. Especially when we found out she was a girl. Jake had this image of her, and as it turned out, he wasn't far wrong.

She had the darkest brown eyes, not black like his, but far more interesting than mine. She had Jake's hair. Jet black, straight with no curl, shiny as silk and just as soft. My pathetic pale skin but on her, it looked amazing. Creamy.

"She'll be a model. Never doubt it. By the time she's old enough, the whole anorexic Coke addict look will be long gone and they'll be looking for girls like her. Classically beautiful, with that amazing bone structure," Rosalie had informed me. "You lucky thing."

To be envied by Rosalie was too bizarre to believe. She was the "It" girl of our generation. Every boy at school had lusted after her. Emmett Cullen seemed to be the 'one most likely to win her heart' according to our Year Book. He was with her sometimes, when I saw her, so maybe they were right. Their kids would be something else, if he did manage to keep her here and convince her to give up modeling.

That would take some incredible love story, to see her quit at her peak and marry him, but something in her eyes when she turned to look at him...I would put my money on it. I would bet on Emmett winning over New York.

"A return ticket to Phoenix, Arizona, please. My baby daughter will be returning with me," I informed the clerk at the desk in SeaTac.

The woman runs my card through the machine and hands the ticket to me.

I stand there holding it in my hand and realise it's more than just a ticket. More than just a way to get from A to B.

It's the ticket to the new life path I have no choice but to accept and follow. I'm Bonnie's Mom now, and I have to let go of Blythe, of Jacob, of that perfect picture book life we had, and make a new life. For myself and mainly, for my daughter. The child who had never asked to be born.

X~X~X

The flight is never ending, but I catch some sleep and hire a car and drive to Phil and Renee's love shack on the beach.

"Mom," I called as I opened the door and walked inside. My mother is sitting at her table in the kitchen, reading the morning newspaper.

"Here I am. Before midday, as ordered. Thanks for looking after Bonnie. Where is she? Napping?"

"Bella," Renee says, standing up but her fingers grip the edge of the table so hard I would not be surprised to see she has left impressions on the wood.

"She's not here."

"Not here? Then where is she?"

"I didn't think you were coming. Phil has to go on the road today and I'm going with him. I couldn't look after her any longer. I'm sorry."

"Does Charlie have her? Have I come all this way for nothing?" I growl. "You could have told me. When did he leave?"

"No, not Charlie. I called Children's Services. She''s being placed in foster care."

"You can't do that, she's not your child," I cried.

"You signed the form saying I was her legal guardian while she was here. I didn't think you intended ever taking her back. I didn't know what else to do."

"That form was so you could get medical attention for her if she needed it here. Not so you could give her away. What the fuck, Mom. You gave away my baby?"

"Calm down, Bella. Look at this from my point of view."

I grabbed her phone and handed it to her. "Get her back. Now. Tell them it's all a mistake."

I sat down at the table, stunned. How could Renee do this? My baby, not hers. She could abandon me, but I was her kid. She couldn't give mine away. Surely?

I listened as my mother argued and pouted and tried being charming, then when that didn't work, threatening. Of course, that didn't work either. She finally hung up.

"Bella, they say you have to prove you can offer her a safe home with a mother who is capable of providing her with proper care, then they'll reverse the court order."

"Court order? You have to be kidding. How did they even think I was incapable in the first place?"

"I told them you refused to look after her," she replied. "I didn't want to raise another child. Not now."

"Mom, you never raised me, Dad did that. Thanks for this, you just made my fucked up life even more so. Thanks, Mom. Where is Bonnie?"

"She's been placed with foster parents in Forks, so you can visit her and demonstrate your recovery from depression and your dedication to being a good mother to her. She's with a couple who have fostered lots of kids before, for years now. Their first lot are all grown up now. Bonnie will be well cared for. It'll all be fine, Bella. Don't overreact."

I turned and walked out, clasping the slip of paper my mother had handed me.

X~x~X

EPOV

"Cute kid," I grinned as Mom lifted the little munchkin from the downstairs crib and held her close to her chest. Pancakes sat awaiting my attention on the table and Esme smiled and kissed the little girl's face.

"Isn't she just perfect? Her name is Bonnie and she's seven months old. Her Daddy had to go away for a while and her Mommy is finding things a little overwhelming. So Bonnie's going to stay here with us."

"How long?" I asked. Esme liked long term. Short termers were okay at times but I knew she wanted to actually raise another child, just like she had raised me when my bio's couldn't hack the pace.

"No idea," she sighed. "Of course, I want her parents to reconcile and take her back, that would be the ideal solution for her."

"But you'd like to keep her," I laughed.

"Edward, stop it. It's just that she's so sweet. She's such a lovely child."

"Where's my little petal?" my normally sane father asked in a disgustingly cute voice no man should ever use, walking into the room, his hands extended to the baby.

"Papa," she chirped and Carlisle nearly wet himself with delight.

"Dad, at that age they think everyone's Momma or Poppa. She's not your kid," I reminded them. I had a feeling some instant bonding had occurred, and it was going to hurt them both when the real father got out of jail and the real Mom woke up to herself and cleaned herself up. No doubt it was the usual story. Petty crims, drug abusers, no-hopers who forgot children were people as well. Little human beings. Not pets. Not kittens who could be passed on to another family when they stopped being cute. Though this baby was cute.

Dad walked to the window and pointed outside, and the child cooed with delight at the sight of the forest surrounding our house. Well, their house. I'd just lived here since I was a toddler myself.

"Ha, see the monkey? Look at the funny monkey," Carlisle laughed and I walked to the window myself. The 'monkey' was Emmett, my brother for all intents and purposes. He was our parents second foster son, and not related by blood to them nor me. He'd arrived when we were both four.

Our sister danced down the staircase and was immediately pulled like a magnet towards the baby.

"Oh, she's just so cute. Aunty Alice wants to dress you up and take some photos later. Is that okay, Bonnie? Hasn't she been sleeping well?"

"Early days yet, only two nights so far," Mom replied cautiously. I think she hoped for a night where she'd get to sit up and rock Bonnie in the rocking chair all night long, just for some alone time with her.

" After the long trip here I expected her to cry all the time but she's so good," Alice cooed.

"Well, she did spend both nights curled up on Carlisle's chest. Every time I tried to take her away from him, she woke up and gripped his shirt so tightly, I didn't have the heart to drag her away and put her in the crib," Mom grinned, joining us and rubbing the child's back.

"She was just getting comfortable, weren't you, Petal?" Carlisle crooned.

"I think Dad's in love. Aw, you are just a big softie, aren't you?" Alice said with a smile as Dad danced around the living room with Bonnie in his arms. She was exploring his hair with one hand and tasting a lock of it with her other little fist.

"She needs breakfast, she's hungry," Mom decided.

Emmett stopped monkeying around and came inside. "Is Rose here yet?"

"Nope, why would she come here and not go straight to your house?" Dad asked, putting Bonnie into the green highchair with brightly painted animals on it. It was vintage, I'd sat in it myself. There was a photo on the wall of me sitting in it, eating oatmeal with my hands, having upended the bowl on my head. Esme loved the photo. I always felt the urge to lift that baby from the frame and wash it. I can't imagine enjoying wearing food. Lady Gaga can keep that trend all to herself.

"She wants to chat to Alice about another dress. Everyone loved that red roses dress and wanted to know who designed it. She really thinks you could get snapped up by a fashion house as a junior designer," he informed our sister, who jumped up and down on the spot, clapping her hands.

"But New York is so far away," Esme sighed.

"She could come home every time Rose does."

"I don't think designers schedule the same work hours as models," Carlisle replied. "We'd miss you, Ally Cat."

"No you wouldn't, you liar. You have another little daughter to raise now."

"Hey, slow down. Bonnie's parents could actually be the type that learn from their mistakes and get her back," I reminded them. "How long is Daddy staying on his little holiday in the Big House?"

"He's not in jail. Not as far as I know. The parents lost a child a year ago and the father ran off the day of the funeral and hasn't been heard from since. There's no indication he's in prison."

"Oh, that's horrible," I replied, shocked and chastened. I guess just because Alice and Emmett and I all came from drug-addict parents who would do and had done anything for their next fix, I shouldn't assume all foster kids were from the same background. "I don't think I'd ever cope if I lost a child. That must be the very worst form of pain."

"Well, let's hope they manage to overcome their loss and fix their family. In the mean time, Bonnie is part of this family now. We will treat her as if she's here forever, but be happy if her Mommy and Daddy get to the place they need to be to take her home again."

"Ah, the love of my life returns," Emmett interjected as Rosalie entered the room and dropped her small bag on the couch. She smiled at Emmett and started walking towards his outstretched arms, then noticed Bonnie and stopped in her tracks, suddenly turning dead white.

"Blythe?" she whispered. "Is this Blythe? How can it be?" she murmured.

Emmett stood and put his arm around her. "No, Baby, it isn't Blythe."

He turned to us and shrugged. "Rose had this ..friendship..with a little girl named Blythe but she got sick and died. She went to the funeral. Last year."

"Oh, how sad, " Alice replied, rubbing Rose's arm. "I don't like this. All this talk about dead children. I hope my kids are healthy. When I get around to having them."

"And that would be after you get married," Carlisle replied, jovially. "We like everything in the proper order, don't we Bonnie?" He continued helping her eat her oatmeal as Esme placed a rack of toast on the table and I absently took a slice.

"First Alice has to meet Mr Right," I reminded them.

"She has brought home a few Mr Wrongs. Like that loser, James. How is he liking life in the Pen?" Emmett asked.

"I'm not actually still in touch with him," Alice replied.

"Thank God," Esme murmured. "Alice knows Mr Right will come along when he is meant to. Now, who wants to help me bathe this little Princess? The powers that be have arranged a face to face with Bonnie's mother and we decided to hold it here so as not to cause too much disruption to the baby while we are trying to establish a routine."

"Here?" Alice said in surprise.

"She's a local girl, that's all I can say. You probably all know her, or at least, know who she is."

Mom and Alice and Rose all disappeared upstairs.

"Are you going to work today?" I asked my Dad. "Or are you taking Paternity Leave?"

Carlisle laughed and ruffled my hair, causing me to have to mock punch him. "Not the hair. You know better than to touch the hair."

"Sorry, my bad. I wish we could keep her. I know that's selfish, but I haven't seen Esme this happy since you lot joined the family as toddlers. She just loves small people."

"Then she will love Ali forever," Emmett joked. Our sister's five foot nothing height was an obvious target for humorous jibes.

"Dad, I was wondering if maybe Rose and I could borrow the Good car tonight?" Emmett said, as they walked towards the door that led to the garages. I started stacking the dishwasher and wiping down the table and turned at the sound of someone knocking timidly at the still open front door. She looked familiar, but rather strained and scared.

"Can I help you?" I asked, walking over seeing it didn't seem she was going to step inside.

"I'm Bella. Bella Swan. Bella Black once upon a time. I believe..."

"Bella Swan! Hi. It's Edward. Edward Cullen. We sat together in some classes at High School."

"Oh," she said, biting her lip as recognition dawned in her eyes. " Hi, Edward. My shame is complete now. I believe your parents have custody of my daughter, Bonnie."

"Bonnie is your daughter? Wow. She's adorable. I think everyone in the house is in love with her already."

"Really?" she replied. "She is a great kid. We've been going through some hard stuff since she was born. I'm a hopeless mother. I should have known it would end like this. I haven't been there for her, emotionally or, lately, even physically. I just wondered if I could see her? I was supposed to arrive an hour from now but I thought maybe, seeing Children's Services have ordered this meeting today, maybe I could see her first?"

"I don't know the rules, sorry. Dad's here somewhere. He will be right back. I'm sure he knows the legal stuff. I'm sorry I can't just take you upstairs to her. The females are bathing her. Come in, and sit down, at least."

She sat down and I felt the urge to pick her up and fold her inside my arms and hold her. She looked so sad and so lost. The black lines under her eyes spoke of her sleep deprivation, probably for months. Her skin was too pale and as she looked into my eyes, I saw nothing but hopelessness and sorrow. She was nothing like the Bella I had sat beside at school.

"Blythe died," she said, surprising me. "Our first daughter, Blythe, died. We had Bonnie in an effort to have a sibling who could supply bone marrow but she didn't match and Blythe was dead by then anyway."

"I'm so sorry," I replied, taking her small cold hand in my own."It must be very hard for you to cope."

"I managed until recently. But it's a year since Blythe died next week. I thought Renee could help and I left Bonnie in her grandmother's care. Mom handed her over to the authorities."

"That seems unfair. How long had she had her? "

"Four weeks. She assumed I would never get my act together again so she gave her away."

"But you can get her back?" I questioned.

"They say so. I have to fulfil all their requirements and pass a mental health assessment, then they'll consider returning her to me."

"Is your husband back? Could he help?"

"Nope. Jake stuck around long enough to divorce me then he took off for places unknown. He didn't want me to continue the pregnancy after the tests showed Bonnie would not be compatible. He calls her the 'pale replacement' child."

"Where do you live?" I asked. I knew Bonnie had come here on a plane.

"I lived on the Res. Then Jake left and we moved in with my Dad. He's seeing someone. Sue Clearwater. I didn't want to play gooseberry so I got a little apartment for Bonnie and I. I'm not sure Children's Services will approve of it. It's just one room, really, above a shop. It's all I can afford. I can't work much. I have a part-time casual job at the store Mike Newton's folks own. Only when I can have Dad sit with Bonnie."

"Maybe I could help you find a better place," I suggested. I didn't really want to get involved but somehow, seeing her eyes so flat and dead tugged at my heart. She used to be quiet, sure, but I'd seen her laugh and joke with her friends, Angela, and Jessica and Lauren, at school. Her eyes used to shine. I always noticed that one thing about her. She had really beautiful deep brown eyes.

It was almost as if she now wore contact lenses. Her eyes were flat and cold and empty. Without hope.

"I probably have no hope of getting her back anyway. I didn't do anything that wrong, but my parenting skills have definitely deteriorated since...last time. I can't seem to do anything right any more."

I could hear Carlisle saying it was time he left, and on impulse, I said something without thought.

"I've got an investment building near the beach. Tell whoever asks for your address that you live in an apartment at Clifftops. They are nice. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms. The one's on the bottom storey that's empty. The lower ones both have fenced in yards. It would be a suitable place for someone with a child, and it's untenanted at the moment."

"I have no money. Charlie helps me with rent as it is."

I shrugged. "The place is full of yuppies. I'll raise the rent on the other five apartments to cover your rent. You could be my live-in manager. Someone the tenants can come moan to when the hot water isn't hot enough for their jacuzzi's. I'll pay you a wage. Take the job, Bella. Let me help you. I owe you anyway."

"How do you work that out?" she asked in surprise.

"I copied all your answers when we did exams in Biology and English. I got a great pass thanks to you. I got into NYU partly because you were so smart."

Finally, her lips twitched and I do believe Bella Swan smiled for the first time in a very long time.

**Please review if you like this, and go away without telling me if you don't. There's plenty of other writers here, remember. Update schedule depends how many reviews it gets. If readers cant be bothered reveiwing, I cant be bothered updating regularly.**


	2. Chapter 2

Paying the Piper

Chapter 2

Carlisle didn't seem to know whether it was officially okay for Bella to see Bonnie, either but Esme didn't care. As soon as she knew Bella was here, she bustled downstairs with a spotless, sweet smelling baby.

"They didn't say I couldn't let you visit her, so I have to assume it's allowed," she said with a smile.

"Momma," Bonnie called out the second she saw her mother, and leaned forward in Esme's arms, reaching out. Bella ran to meet them and took the little girl into her arms, where the baby promptly curled up against her chest, tucking her little chin in and sucking her thumb.S he looked like a little baby bear, nestled contentedly against her mother.

"God, I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry for ever leaving you with your bad Gramama," she said, smoothing down the baby's black hair.

"Hello, Bella," Rosalie said, uncharacteristically quietly. "I didn't realise you had another baby. You weren't showing at all, at the funeral."

"I had to dress to hide my bump. Jake refused to admit we were having another baby, he thought it was disrespectful to Blythe to be creating another child so soon, even though it had been the only option we had to have a sibling that might match."

"I'm so sorry that didn't work out for Blythe. But Bonnie is beautiful, too. I'm glad you went ahead and had her."

"Jake wanted me to abort and conceive again, as many times as it took to get a perfect match. I couldn't do that. Kill one baby to save another. Even if it was my little Blythe. I guess I was weak. Jacob certainly thinks so. He blames me for letting Blythe die just to give birth to a baby we normally wouldn't have been having yet anyway. A baby we didn't know, and love yet, like we loved her. She was his reason for living. He would have died himself if it would have saved her. Thank you for coming, I am sorry I was in no state to say that on the day."

"Don't worry about it. I understood. We all lost a special little angel, that day. I couldn't believe how fast she went down. The first time I visited her in hospital, they seemed pretty sure she would be cured. It was such a shock to hear she was gone, just months later."

"Even if Bonnie had been a match, she wasn't born until five months after Blythe passed. So there was never any hope of saving her sister with her cord blood anyway. I'm still glad I had her. I'm sorry Jake can't accept her, but I would have nobody if she didn't exist."

"She's beautiful. She's special in her own right."

"Thank you, Rose. That means a lot."

"I think you chose right. By the time you conceived yet again, it would have been way too late anyway. And I believe a baby is a human right from conception. They aren't interchangeable and disposable."

"I felt I owed her the right to be born," Bella replied, kissing the top of Bonnie's little head.

"Let's hope Children's Service's sees sense and gives her back to you," Esme said, patting Bella's arm. "I must admit I'm very angry at Renee for putting you in this position. She's her grandmother. It's perfectly reasonable to ask from help from family. I wish I'd known your situation and offered to help you myself. Unofficially. When you do get her back, I hope you will always feel free to turn to us in the future if you need a break."

"Thank you, Esme. You are very kind. I don't deserve it."

"Of course you do. Now, what can we do to help you qualify to get custody again? Do you need somewhere to live?"

"Actually, Edward's offered me an apartment in his complex at Clifftops, in exchange for some managerial duties," she said, her eyes warm and grateful. "I'm accepting his offer. I don't have the luxury of pride at the moment."

"Then we need to get your belongings packed and moved in there so you can legitimately say you live there already. Rose, you and Emmett and Alice could help Edward do that."

"May I have your present address and your keys?" I said, and Bella handed me her purse.

"They are inside. Thank you so much. All of you."

"Your father has overlooked a few speeding tickets my sons deserved to have to pay in the past, we owe the Swan family," Esme said.

"The apartment is above the bookies in Church Street," Bella informed us. I could understand the authorities taking a dim view of her raising a baby in that part of town.

"Well, we should go and get this done. Mom, they won't do a home inspection of Bella's residence today, will they?"

"I doubt it. They normally give a few days warning, but I have no idea. I can offer her coffee and try and keep her talking for an hour or two. Just hurry, do what you can."

I turned to Bella.

"Do you own more than will fit in Emmett's truck? Is there a lot of furniture?"

"The crib is the only thing that's mine, the place came furnished. I just own the clothes and baby gear and toys. Thanks so much."

"You live in Apartment 2 at Clifftops," I said, taking a key from the keyring and keeping the second copy for us to use. "Your immediate neighbor on the ground floor is named Jasper Whitlock. They would probably assume you would know that. He's single, lives alone except for his dog. It's a crossbreed. It's name is Maria. They wouldn't assume you knew any of the others, they all work long hours and are hardly around. I live in the penthouse, but not all the time. Sometimes I stay here. My girlfriend's name is Tanya, you possibly remember her from school? Tanya Denali."

She grabbed the key like a drowning man grabs a life preserver.

"Jasper Whitlock, a dog named Maria. You and Tanya live in the penthouse. Got it. Thanks so much, Edward. You are saving my life."

"Tanya doesn't live there, she just visits."

"Oh, okay. Right. I guess I would know that if I lived there."

We went to the truck and Alice and Rose got in the back and I rode shotgun beside Emmett.

"First we need some furniture. My apartments are rented unfurnished. Whitegoods only."

"This is an expensive favour for you, Edward," Alice commented.

"I can afford it. I've never touched my parent's guilt money. Now seems like an appropriate time to open those coffers. May as well use it for good. I was intending using it for evil."

"Wine, women and song is not an evil pursuit," Emmett growled. "You are young and single and free. You can party all you want."

"I know. I just choose not to. That's the thing, I can choose to be something other than a rich little playboy, you know. It's not compulsory. I like cars, and vacations, but I have no desire to waste my money on a flashy lifestyle. I'd rather save it for a rainy day."

"I think you are doing something really nice, and worthwhile here, Edward," Rose commented. It was high praise from her. "Bella is a good person and a good mother. She just got snowed under by grief and circumstances. I wish I had stayed in touch."

"Well, if Bonnie's part of our family now, no matter how temporarily, then so is Bella," I replied.

The place she lived in was pretty grim, and the girls packed up a single suitcase with every item Bella and her daughter owned.

Alice paused and held up a faded black hoodie.

"Edward? Do you have something to tell us? Is there a reason Bella Swan has an old black hoodie with your name across the back?"

I couldn't think why she would, but it was one of my High School hoodies. I shrugged.

"Maybe she found it somewhere."

"One would think if she found it, she would have returned it to you."

"How would I know, Alice? Maybe Mom threw them out, or put them in a charity shop, and Bella bought one. They were excellent quality, last a lifetime. Maybe it was simply financial. It doesn't look like she buys her clothes new, does it?"

"Where's her good stuff? Where does she keep her nice clothes, and her..you know...her things? She can't just own these few books and two photo albums, surely. She must have more stuff. Everyone has stuff. Guitars, cd's, dvd player, TV for the bedroom, shoes, God, where are her shoes?"

"I think she's wearing them, Alice," I replied. The cupboards were bare.

"Okay, I'm going to the furniture store to pick out some decent furniture. You can't unpack anything yet so go food shopping and fill the fridge and freezer. And get her some nice plates and cooking utensils. She must just cook everything in this microwave." It was bolted to the wall, clearly not her own.

The baby's crib was rather old and shabby but in case it was hers from her own childhood and had sentimental value, we decided to keep it. I was still buying her a new one, in a sturdier style, but I didn't want her knowing we had bought anything especially for her. Better she assumed the place came furnished and with a crib too. I doubted any of my other tenants had use for a crib.

The store promised free immediate delivery when the owner realised how much I was spending and we followed their van back to Clifftops.

Emmett and I arranged the furniture while Alice filled the fridge and freezer and Rosalie surprised us all by making up the king-sized bed in the main bedroom, and then then crib, with the new floral linen she had washed and dried in the clothes dryer.

"Who knew Rose could put linen on a bed?" I whispered to Emmett, with a grin.

"Shut up. She's not useless, you know. Just because she has 'people' to do her mundane chores nowadays, doesn't mean she didn't do all that stuff before she went to New York, idiot."

Alice set up some type of bottle sterilizer on the kitchen bench and unwrapped six new baby bottles and put them inside.

"Should we open the tin of formula? Make it look like she used some?"

"No, it has a use by date once it's open. And Bonnie has been with her gran for four weeks, Bella wouldn't still have an open container of it now. Maybe we should make the place a little more relaxed? Lived in?"

Alice shook her little OCD head and slightly moved a few items around, but we all suppressed a laugh. She hated anything being out of strict order and her own apartment, when she bothered living there, looked like one of those showcase apartments they showed you when you bought from a plan, before they built the rest of the complex.

"Hey, does this mean I have a new neighbour?" a voice called out and I went outside and walked over to the adjoining fence.

"Hi Jasper. Actually, for personal reasons, we need to pretend Bella Swan has lived here for a while. Do you remember her? Oh, you didn't go to Forks High that long. Did you know her?"

"I don't think so, the name isn't familiar. Is she single?"

"Um, yeah. Divorced but she is a bit distracted at present. She will tell you her own story herself, if she chooses to, but please, don't hit on her. She's going through a really rough patch. I doubt whether a beach-bum lover is what she needs right now."

"We shall see," he replied, raising his eyebrows and grinning. "Sometimes a beach-bum lover is exactly the cure for what ails you. So, who is the little brunette in there?" he asked, pointing towards the glass wall at the back of the kitchen.

I swiped a hand at him.

"That is my sister Alice, and my parents sent her to a private, all girls school to keep her away from drop-outs like you, so stay away. Though I would rather you hit on her than on Bella. Alice can handle guys like you. I'm not sure Bella could right now."

"I'm not the manwhore you assume. I've grown up a little since High School. I did attend college and graduate with honors, you know."

"And yet you choose to ignore your degree and live off your trust fund."

"Life's too short, Edward. I want to have some fun and enjoy myself while I'm young. I'll conform and do the nine to five bit when I meet a woman worth changing my lifestyle for, not before. The beach bunnies like me as I am, just fine. You should try relaxing and just having some fun."

"I have fun. I have a girlfriend. Tanya can be fun."

"Yeah, well I doubt that," he said under his breath. "So, my neighbour Bella has lived here how long now? Just so I know."

"A couple of months. And she is my Super, so any complaints about anything wrong with your apartment should be directed to her and she will contact me and pass it on."

"We have a Super. How super," he grinned. "I can't wait to meet her. Oh, I mean, to 'see her again', seeing I already know her. Are you sure she and I haven't had a little romance going already? How would you know, you are never here lately."

"It's tricky. Tanya wants to move in with me and I'm just not sure. I have never wanted to cohabitate with anyone I didn't intend eventually marrying."

"So, she's not your One? I'm relieved. Normally I would say get the stick out of your ass and chillax and live with her, enjoy the perks, then move on when you are done, and want to find a new fish in the sea. But the idea of her living here full time...just no. You can do better, you know."

"She's not that bad. My parents are not overly fond of her either. I think she's a fairly typical girl for our generation, and considering she grew up with money. I can't say I find her intellectually stimulating, but she looks good and she can be good company, when she wants to be. She just suffers from the main faults most of our generation do. She's spoiled and selfish."

"That's for sure. And loud, and vain, and completely obsessed with herself. And she wouldn't look at you if you didn't own all this. I have more money than you, but she already assessed my worth and decided because I rent this apartment and don't work, that I am living off my parents and therefore I am not worth her time. She knows nothing about me, but she sticks her nose in the air like I am a bad smell when she has to walk past my door."

He was partially right. Tanya did despise him and his lifestyle and she did have no knowledge of his charity fund raising, not that charity work impressed her. Jasper was often suited up and attending events with the rich and conning them out of their money to save orphans and feed the hungry. He was a worthwhile person, he just chose to live his life this way for now. I envied him.

I'd be sorry when he joined the rest of us and slaved every day inside an office when he could be here, riding the waves on his surfboard, running along the golden sand that stretched for miles.

He chose to live here for the access to the beach right from his little yard. Maria barked as Emmett and the girls came out, and Alice locked up behind her.

"All done. I think it looks lived in. Not messy, just not perfect."

She suppressed a shudder.

"It's okay Alice. Nobody ever died from things being a little out of place. This is Jasper and he's what Carlisle has always warned you about, so say Hi and get in the truck."

"Hi Jasper," she giggled and waved at him.

"Hi Alice. I'm actually a good guy. Your brother is a douche."

"I know," she replied, laughing and got into Emmett's truck.

"Please, be a friend to Bella, Jazz. She needs friends."

"No problemo. Just send Alice around to fix my plumbing if it goes awry."

I shook my head, laughing, and followed the others out.

X~x~X

The meeting was over when we got back and Bella was sitting on the edge of a kitchen chair, shaking, her hands trapped between her knees. Esme pushed a cup of tea across the table to her.

"I think it went well. She was impressed you have the new job as a Super, and she clearly knows Clifftops. She gave you a big tick for having suitable accommodation to house yourself and Bonnie. I think it went very well for a first interview."

"But how long will Edward let me live there?. If I move out as soon as I get Bonnie back, I'll be kept on their books, and watched."

I sat down beside her. "You can stay as long as you want. The job is real, the place needs a Super. The apartment is part of the deal. I used to be running over there constantly, every time anyone had a gripe, now you can just write down who complained about what, and I'll check in each evening by phone and you can pass the complaints on to me. Save me driving out there all the time."

"But you said there's six apartments, and you live in one and I live in one, so that only leaves four tenants. How many complaints could there be? That building is quite new."

"There are six apartments plus the penthouse. Two on each floor, then my apartment has the entire top storey. You will have five tenants to keep happy and believe me, some of them will complain that the paint is the wrong shade of blue, or there's a light not working in the stairwell. Believe me, there will be complaints. We moved your gear in, and the place is all ready for you now. Do you want me to drive you over there and show you around?"

"Sure, That would be good. Thanks so much, Esme. I'm so happy you have Bonnie, if somebody has to have her. You are a better mother to her than I am."

"No I am not and you know it. I lost a baby too, Bella. I know it can take years to just learn to breathe right again. You are doing your best and we will support your application to have your daughter returned to you. Much as it will break our hearts to give her back. Carlisle is quite smitten with her."

"You are too," I grinned. "Esme just adores her. So, speaking of Bonnie, where is she?"

"Asleep. Bella, our door is always open. Come by whenever you want."

"Thanks but I have to obey the Rules. Two visits per week, supervised by you at all times."

"Then make them long visits. Stay all day, we won't mind. See you every Tuesday and Friday, then."

"Thanks so much."

She walked to my Volvo and I opened the passenger door for her. She paused and looked up at me in surprise so I bowed and she almost laughed. I wanted her to laugh properly, like she used to at school. Out loud, scaring the birds away. She used to be completely unselfconscious when something struck her as funny. Not uptight and reserved like this, like she was now.

She opened up and told me every question she had been asked, and repeated the answers she had given, and second guessed whether she had answered right or wrong. I couldn't help a lot, so I just listened unless she asked me a specific question. We pulled in at Clifftops and Jasper was immediately out his door, grinning and holding out his hand.

"Hiya Bella, I've heard all about you from Edward here. Welcome."

She shook his hand but gave me a searching look and I shook my head. "I merely told him you were moving in and that I knew you at Forks High. He went there too, but he spent most of his time in the Head's Office, so you probably never met him, being a good obedient student."

She narrowed her eyes and looked at him.

"You played guitar? You used to sit amongst the girls down the back near the outside tables and sing and play your guitar."

"I did. Where you one of my groupies? There were so many, I can't remember them all. I'm sure I would have remembered you, and those eyes. I bet guys tell you all the time that you have amazing eyes."

I groaned.

"Jasper, we talked about this. Remember? Friends?"

"I think Bella and I will be great friends. There are all kinds of friends, Edward. Back off, go find your uptight girlfriend, she's probably waiting upstairs in your freezer. Let Bella and I get acquainted. She is the one who will be taking care of all my needs from now one. Howdy, Super."

"I am about to show her around her apartment, don't you have waves calling to you or something?"

"I'm not listening to them at the moment. You should go to work, or have you retired already? I can show Bella around. Her apartment is identical to mine. I know where everything is. Off you go. I'm sure you have patients needing your care."

"I have a few days off, actually."

"Then maybe you should go wash your scrubs or help your Mom with her gardening. I am supposed to know Bella already, go away and let us catch up. So, you liked my guitar playing? What was your favourite song? Did you prefer me covering Dylan's songs, or my own? I still write them, you know."

He jumped the dividing fence and took her key and unlocked her door , winking at me over the top of her head. "Say goodbye to Edward."

"Goodbye Edward. Thanks so much for this," she replied and I nodded,

"This is what we call the living area. Kitchen, where you can teach me how to cook, and sitting room where I'll sit by your fire and write new songs," Jasper said happily.

Bella laughed and I scowled. As much as I had waited to hear that laugh, I had wanted it to be me that caused it.

My cell rang and I glared at the screen.

Tanya.

I debated briefly whether to just hit 'ignore' and follow Jasper and Bella inside, to make sure she was safe with him and aware of his reputation, or talk to Tanya. My girlfriend.

I hit 'ignore' and walked inside. They both looked at me and I fumbled in my pocket and held out the key we had used.

"I forgot to give you this. And I wanted to make sure the place was to your liking."

"'It's beautiful. Amazing. I've never been in any place like it. It's way too much."

"Jasper, your home phone is ringing. You should get that. Could be an emergency. I'll show Bella the bedrooms. It is _my _place," I hissed.

"Sure. Could be the President needing my opinion about which country to invade next. I should get it," he said and left, slapping his palm against mine as he walked past me.

"She's sooo much nicer than Tanya. I'll fight you for her," he whispered and walked out.

Bella frowned and I walked down the hallway and opened the door to the nursery Alice had decorated with ready made store bought items. It had been hard for her, I suspected she would be back with a complete set of homemade curtains and matching cribcover within days. She hated buying off the rack.

"This is Bonnie's room," I said unnecessarily and watched Bella tear up. She stepped inside and stood by the crib, gripping it's rail and looking around the room. "It's beautiful. We didn't make a special room for her. Jake forbid me from using Blythe's nursery then he sold the house before Bonnie was born anyway. She's never had a room like this."

"She has a pretty nice room at Esme's" I said, shrugging. "She wouldn't want to come home to some plain guest bedroom."

"I will never be able to thank you enough," she said, and I stepped forward and wiped the tears from her cheeks with my thumbs.

"It takes a village to raise a child. We all have to do what's best for her. This is just my small contribution. I hope you and Bonnie are happy here."

She nodded and I took her hand and led her to the main bedroom. "I hope you like this. I had no idea what colours you like but I remembered you used to have all purple bookcovers and pencil case and such. Do you still like purple?"

She looked with wide eyes at the purple bedcover and scatter cushions and curtains and nodded.

"Purple's great. Thank you."

"I should go. I do work, but I have a few days off, if you need anything just call."

"I don't have your number," she replied.

I took her cell and put my number in and rang my own phone and saved hers.

"I'll check in in case you have any complaints. Anyway, I guess I will see you at home on Friday?"

"Sure. It's a lovely home, Edward. I never hoped to ever live anywhere as beautiful as this."

"It sort of suits you," I shrugged.

I turned and walked out, and my cell rang again.

"What?" I barked into it.

"Edward? It's Tanya. Are you okay?"

"Sorry," I replied, sighing as I closed the car door.

Jasper tapped on the glass of my window and I opened it.

"You are leaving already? I just remembered I had cooked up a nice lamb shank curry and thought I'd invite Bella in for dinner. Sorry you can't join us. See you later. _Hi Tanya."_

"Who is that?" she shrilled. "Is it that layabout Jasper? You should evict him, he lowers the tone of Clifftops. You will never attract top drawer tenants with him and that stupid dog living there."

"I like Jasper," I replied through gritted teeth. Well, I used to.


	3. Chapter 3

Paying The Piper

Chapter Three

BPOV

"So, you are inviting me to dinner, yet you don't know how to cook?" I asked. "How is that going to work?"

"I can cook some things, but I can't bake. You look like a woman who knows her way around a kitchen. I thought you could share your talents with me and I could think of some way to repay you."

"Jasper, just in case you are thinking otherwise, I don't do casual hook-ups. I had the same boyfriend from when I was fourteen. We got married without ever having really seriously dated anyone else."

"Destined for failure, then. How can you tell which your favourite flavour is if you don't try them all?" he grinned.

"I guess I saved myself for the man I assumed I would spend my entire life with. I wasn't interested with marking my bedpost or whatever the saying is."

"Well, to be honest, my bedpost has a few notches. I'm not ready for anything serious. I wasn't planning on getting down on one knee, just sharing my dinner and if you wanted, my bed. I am not after a happily ever after, not yet. But you should consider your options. You will have to put yourself out there again and move on one day. Edward hates cats, he will never allow you to fill your apartment with cats just so you won't be lonely.

Occasional overnight guests are fine but I just thought, we are right next door to one another. If you get lonely at night."

"Jasper, I have a daughter. I don't plan on living here alone and it probably wouldn't be good for her to see her Mom acting like some skank."

"You have a kid? How old is she? Where is she? Does her dad have equal custody?"

"No, I wish that was the case but my ex husband Jacob has never actually seen Bonnie. It's a long story, and I will explain one day but for now, all I want to share is, she lives with Dr Cullen and his wife because of an act of complete stupidity on my part. I assumed my Mom would help me for a while and instead, she surrendered the baby to Children's Services. Esme is her foster Mom for now, until I pass all the tests and get her back."

"Kids are a big responsibility. I can't imagine I will ever be ready to take on anything that heavy . I'm strictly a live for today, look forward to tomorrow and wear a condom type of guy."

"Message received and understood," I replied with a smile.

"I'm all for us having some fun together but that would be the extent of things. I am not looking for an instant family. I would be happy to help you explore other paths in life, like having sex for it's own sake, just to relax and enjoy yourself in the moment, but if you are looking for Mr Right, I'm definitely his distant cousin, Mr Right Now."

"That's okay. Bonnie is my child and my responsibility. I'm not looking for a man to take over the role Jake rejected. I shouldn't have left her with Renee at all in the first place."

"Well at least now you know your Mom's true colours. My Mom is a piece of work herself. She spent more of my childhood with her bottles of booze than she did with me. I was raised by the staff. I'm not belittling the love and care my Nanny, Siobhan, gave me, she was more of a mother than Jaslin Whitlock would ever be. My father's no better. He's married to his career and once he realised I wasn't actually following in his footsteps and going to become the Vice President of his company once I finished college, it was 'Goodbye son, here's your trust fund. Don't embarrass us and don't bother visiting. I have your younger brother to train and mould into my image now you've let me down.'

I imagine Austin will comply where I rebelled. He always was one of those kids who wanted to please his parents and needed their approval to feel worthwhile."

"And you don't?" I hazarded. "You know you are fine without having to turn yourself into your Dad's clone?"

"I would never want to be like him. There's no problem on the planet that can't be solved by having money tossed at it. Your company produces a crap quality product, and people get hurt, then first you consider what is the cheaper option. Paying off the victims or recalling the product. It's all about the bottom line. Often his faulty car parts for instance, cause brake failures and that one's easy. Mostly the victims die so no compensation necessary unless the widow or offspring have the money to to launch an investigation. When cars crash from lack of brakes, if the brake pads look worn out, often it's assumed the owner just hadn't had them monitored and replaced regularly. Nobody assumes he may have, it was the pads themselves that were crap quality. I wouldn't take a penny from him, my trust fund is from my grandfather and I know the man must turn in his grave regularly, seeing what scum he fathered."

"That's horrible. Can't anything be done?"

"Who do you tell? I've reported my suspicions to every agency I think relevant but Daddy has most of them in his pocket already so I get a pat on the head and sent home. I have tried to expose him. When anyone listens to me, which is rare, my father simply cleans up his act for a while and passes all the inspections, then goes back to his former suppliers and it starts over. It's a no win situation."

"I always thought when I was a kid, how good it would be to be a grown up and have control over my life but it doesn't work that way, does it?" I sympathised.

"There has to be some punishment waiting in his future. There's always a list of balances. One day he will pay the piper and suffer the consequences, surely," Jasper replied. "I believe in karma, I just don't know how to give it a kick start. Never buy car parts from Big Tex Whitlock and Son is all I can advise you."

"Well, for a man who can't cook, this is delicious," I said, changing the subject. I wasn't lying. "You have to give me this recipe and teach me how to make it."

"Hmm, I could tell you my culinary secrets but then you would be in my debt forever and owe me," he grinned.

"I'll have to eat more of your cooking and see if it's worth going into to debt over," I laughed.

I liked Jasper, he seemed open and honest and I liked that in a man. He'd warned me already that getting involved with him would not lead to a stepfather for Bonnie so my eyes were wide open.

But he was offering something I craved. The chance to lie in a man's arms again. God I missed human contact, especially since Bonnie had been apart from me and now I was rationed to two lousy days each week with her. My skin ached and I let him refill my wine glass again.

The evening turned cold suddenly and Jasper lit a fire in the ornately decorated fireplace in the main sitting room and tossed a couple of large square pillows onto the rug in front. He sat down and patted the space beside him, and opened another bottle of wine.

"Sitting here beside me will not infer consent," he smiled."I just hoped we could cuddle up by the fire and watch the flames. You can have Maria's usual spot."

His dog was lying across the room, watching us with big mournful eyes.

"Ignore her, she knows she has to share me sometimes," Jasper said, taking my hand as I sat down beside him, and watched him refill my glass again.

"To us," he said, raising his glass. "To new friends and new adventures. To Bella and her daughter being reunited."

I tapped my glass against his and he propped himself on pillows and pulled my back against his chest and put one arm casually around my shoulders.

"So, I don't want to send your mind elsewhere, but tell me what you think of our friend Edward."

"I sat beside him at school a million years ago. I know every girl wanted him, except for your groupies, of course."

"Oh, I think it's fair to say a lot of those girls were willing to settle for second prize, seeing he already had too many followers. And some were hedging their bets, splitting their time between the two of us. He was the better man, he never took advantage. He knew he could have a different girl in his bed every night if he wanted, but he never clicked his fingers, you know."

"Really? Why not?"

"Edward's a relic from a by gone age. He won't even let Tanya move in with him because he doesn't want to live with anyone but his One. He hasn't met her yet but he wants to go to her relatively unsullied. He's very choosy and only sleeps with girlfriends that he's been with for years and is exclusive with."

"How long has he been with Tanya?"

"Too long. Usually his girlfriends are nice, you know. Normal. Tanya is definitely the exception to the rule. I can't see what it is he sees in her that the rest of us don't. I know his parents, and I see panic in their eyes the longer this relationship lasts. I think they are scared Edward is getting to the point in his life where he wants to settle down and marry and have a family, and they are terrified it will be with Tanya."

"What's wrong with her? She can't be too bad if Edward can't see her flaws and faults."

"He was fresh out of a relationship that ended badly when she came along and offered him a shoulder to cry on. He'd been seeing her sister, Kate. Do you know her?"

"I remember her from school. All three Denali's are gorgeous," I said with a sigh. I guess one was as beautiful as the others. "Wasn't Kate his girlfriend at High School, anyway?"

"She was his on and off love interest for years then just when Edward starting thinking about making things more permanent, she met someone else and that was it. She packed her bags and left town, went to Alaska of all places. All because that was where her new guy lived. Edward couldn't persuade her to move from her house to Clifftops, and yet she willingly went all that way with Eli. He was't in town long at all. I guess it just goes to show, when you meet your One you know it straight off."

"But Edward thought Kate was his One?"

Jasper shrugged. "He told me she was the girl he had experienced the strongest feelings for, and he thought he was falling in love with her right before she left. He doesn't rush into anything, does our Edward. He rethinks and considers every aspect of every decision he makes. Yet he still dates Tanya."

"Why do you think he does that, if you know he isn't really into her?"

"Because she's safe. She will never make him want to get on his knee and propose. He is wary of real feelings now and won't risk being hurt again."

"I can understand that. I can't imagine ever trusting any man enough to getting married again. My parents were married for five years, Jacob and I lasted five years after we got married. I thought I was marrying the only man I would ever love and trust, and we had grown up together, so you would think I knew him through and through. I never expected him to turn on me and hate me for insisting on carrying our child to term. I could imagine a man losing his love for you if you aborted his baby against his wishes, but this was the opposite. I just thought he would think Bonnie was just as precious as Blythe."

"You have two kids?" Jasper asked.

"I have never had two kids at the same time. Blythe was our first child and we both thought she was the sun and the moon and the stars rolled into one. She had a form of leukemia that is usually the easiest to cure in kids. Not so easy in adults, but kids usually respond quickly and go into remission once the chemo starts. She didn't. The doctors then thought cord blood would help. They can do some form of new treatment with it. Kill off the bad cells and replace them with cord blood cells and it takes over and makes a whole new blood supply. A healthy blood supply. We couldn't find a match and so I conceived.

At that point, we all thought we had time and the disease would progress much more slowly than it did. She was one of the unlucky ones. I was almost halfway along with Bonnie when Blythe died. She wasn't a match.

Jake's issue was, once I had the test at eight weeks, I could have chosen to abort and conceive again, maybe get a child who did match Blythe. I refused. Like you say, there has to be a balance and killing one child to try and save another made no sense to me, morally. I didn't have a problem having Bonnie years before we wanted to increase our family. I thought that was just common sense to change the timeline in the circumstances."

"And your husband divorced you because you had his kid?"

"Basically. Bonnie is not Blythe, therefore the wrong kid."

"And I thought I was immature. I know my limitations, I guess Jacob found his out along the way."

"Do you think I did the right thing?"

"I don't know. I've never had to consider a dilemma like that. I think the right decision is the one you can live with. If it destroys your soul, then don't do it. You thought the second baby was as precious as the first; he didn't. I don't have even one child so I can't have an opinion."

"Do you ever want to have kids?"

"I don't know. I have thought about it of course. Nobody gets to this age without wondering what it would be like to be trying to make someone pregnant rather than taking measures to avoid that happening. I guess when I saw Kate become so dazzled by her new beau, it did make me think. She was great with Edward, they looked good together, they got on well. They seemed to be enough. I doubted there really was some specific person out there for each of us. I thought what they had was all there was. Then this guy comes along and knocks her socks off, and makes her not even pause. She threw away all those years with Edward, who is a great guy, to take a chance on a guy she barely knew, because she was convinced from the first time she saw Eli, that he was her soul mate. It makes you think."

"It sounds kind of reckless."

"It does, doesn't it? Edward was her safe option and she knew that. He doesn't cheat, he doesn't even look around. He dated her all Senior year at Forks High then all through medical school. Like you said about Jake, you would think they knew one another through and through by then."

"I guess hearts can change," I replied sadly.

"I wouldn't know. This heart of mine has never thought it had found it's match. Isn't it supposed to hit you like a lightning bolt?"

"Don't ask me. I guess. It wasn't like that with us. It was a gradual thing, but always expected. My Dad and Jake's dad probably planned us getting married from the day we were born. They've always been best friends. Dad was Billy's best man and Billy was Charlie's. He's my Godfather even. Jake and I had complete freedom so long as we were together. If either of us ever suggested dating someone else, suddenly our father's had a list of rules a mile long but Jake was even allowed to sleep over in my bedroom when Charlie worked nights. We didn't have to sneak around. They made it so easy for us, and so hard if we ever looked elsewhere."

"So, they orchestrated the whole relationship. It was quite a good plan. All that freedom to have fun whenever and however you liked so long as you two stayed together. Lots of restrictions if you didn't. Water always takes the path of least resistance."

"I never thought of that," I admitted. My few dates with other guys had been disasters. Charlie had always done a complete inspection of their cars, even though Jake's VW Rabbit was mostly a work in progress. If my date's tyres were slightly borderline on wear, the car was impounded. If a bulb had blown, that was it, off the road. He had been ridiculous and unreasonable and I'd surrendered.

Maybe Jasper was right and now was the time to begin again and start by sampling the many favours on offer. Or maybe just one for now. Baby steps.

His face was in profile as he sat staring at the flames and I had to admit he was kind of beautiful. His blonde hair was awesome, I longed to find out for myself how soft it was. It looked to be as soft as a baby's.

He turned and caught me looking at him and smiled. He really had a beautiful smile.

As he leaned in, I struggled to compose myself.

_It all starts with a kiss. Just relax and go with it._

Jasper's lips met mine and he sucked my lower lip into his mouth and gently moved against it.

I tried not to frown or pull away but I could see amusement in his eyes and he released me and laughed.

"Really, Bella? Tell me Jake isn't the only man you have ever kissed? That would be ridiculous."

"Sorry. I guess I'm ridiculous, then."

"Fuck me," he replied, leaning in and stroking my cheek with his hand. "I have me a virgin."

"I'm hardly a virgin. I've given birth twice," I replied, confused.

"Believe me, Bella. A woman who has only ever done anything, including kiss, one single man? That's a virgin by my standards."

"You aren't going to touch me again, are you?" I sighed.

"Maybe. In time. But if we do this, we take it slow and nothing happens until you initiate it. You are a virgin, I am not about to rush in and ravish you tonight. We can get to know one another, see how things go in time. Shit, is this me saying these things?"

He shook his head and laughed.

"As you may have guessed, this is not how an evening in front of the fire on my bearskin rug usually goes," he smirked.

"I like you," I admitted.

"Well I like you too, Little Lady. I think we could be pretty good together, in time."

"And you are willing to be patient and take things slowly?"

"For you. I've never tried it before, but now seems like the right time."

"And are you going to be seeing other girls at the same time?"

"Seeing? Sleeping with 'seeing', or dating 'seeing'?"

"Oh, sleeping with seeing. You can still date. I won't be available much once Bonnie is home."

Jasper frowned and ran his fingers through my hair.

"You know what? I don't think I am. I think this, whatever this is, feels kinda special, already. It would be my pleasure to spend time with you, Bella Swan, and explore a different kind of friendship."

"And in the unlikely event that I get asked out on dates?"

"You should go. You know this won't end with shiny rings and promises for eternity. It is what it is. You should definitely date other men, but I would like us to be exclusive when it comes to sex."

"Okay," I agreed brightly.

"You won't be jealous when I take one of my beach bunnies to the movies, right?" he checked.

"I have never experienced jealousy. I can't imagine I will start now."

"Cool. Then let's go to bed and introduce one another's bodies, and just cuddle for tonight."

"Sounds good," I agreed.

I let him lead the way and of course, his bedroom was, like mine, the one with the view of the sea. He had no curtains but as he had no lights in his bedroom either, it wasn't a problem, not at night, anyway.

I decided to bite the bullet and not revert back to schoolage me, and be all coy and shy about my body. Despite two pregnancies, I was still firm and slim and unmarked.

I stood there in the moonlight, admiring Jasper's body as he casually stripped off, and he stepped forward and kissed my throat.

"You are amazing. I'm not trying to get in your pants, so to speak. I mean it, you have a beautiful body to match your beautiful face."

He put his arms around me and we stood there for a moment, and then he shivered.

"Come on, I don't do romantic and it's freezing."

I laughed and he pulled me into bed and tossed the covers over us both. I sighed with contentment at the feeling of a soft, naked body beside mine, and he smoothed my hair away from my face and leaned over me.

"Tonight, you get used to kissing someone new," he stated and I nodded happily.

It was enough, for now.

X~X~X

EPOV

"No date tonight?" Esme asked as I wandered restlessly around the sitting room.

"I think I need to cool things down with Tanya," I stated. I hadn't planned on saying that, it just blurted from my mouth.

"Is it put up or shut up stage?" Carlisle asked, winking at me. "Does she want the ring? Feel she's earned it by now?"

"I don't know. I just feel like we have gone as far as we can and she irritates me lately. I don't know why, she is the same as she has always been."

"What, irritating?" Emmett asked.

"I do realise none of you like her," I added.

"We just think you could do better, sweetheart. We know you expected to be with Kate forever, and that didn't work but Tanya isn't the answer, and you know that. You can't substitute Kate with her sister," Mom replied.

"Is that what I'm doing?" I asked.

"I think you got to be such a part of the Denali family, you didn't want to lose them too, and you couldn't bring yourself to walk away when Kate left for Alaska, so you took what Tanya offered. A way to keep things almost the same. But she's not Kate."

"No, she isn't. She's not even a pale version of Kate," I admitted with a sigh.

"Maybe it's time to let go of the Denali family and move on," Carlisle suggested.

I nodded. "Maybe it is. You could be right. I wasn't ready to go cold turkey when Kate left me and I guess had Irina offered, I would have dated her instead. It wasn't ever about Tanya herself."

"And now you know her better and realise she can't be what Kate was to you," Esme agreed.

"Now you could try dating a human," Emmett suggested.

"Why are you here again?" I asked. He usually spent every waking moment, and sleeping moment, with Rose, when she wasn't in New York. She'd really cut down on her absences lately and must have been working a lot less. But by now, she could pick and choose and demand as much money as she wanted. Maybe less was more.

"Rose and our annoying sister are upstairs. Alice has made a couple of dresses and Rose is being fitted with them so Ali can finish them before my Rosie goes back. She wants to ask if she can model a couple on the catwalk, and if not, she's wearing them to the after party thingeys. People will get to see more of Ali's work one way or another."

"Great. I didn't realise she was that talented," I admitted.

"Who knew?" Emmett agreed. "We are heading out after they finish. We have dinner reservations at eight."

"And so do we," Carlisle said, standing and walking to Esme and kissing her. "Happy anniversary."

"It's not until tomorrow," she laughed.

"I have a feeling we will forget to watch the clock and notice when midnight strikes," he smirked.

"Please, not in front of the children," Emmett groaned.

"You did cancel the room?" Esme checked.

"Damn, I forgot. Oh well, they'll just charge my creditcard anyway."

"What room?" Emmett asked. "Maybe Rose and I could use it."

"They always go stay at Cloudlands on their anniversaries. Both the night before and the actual night," I reminded him. "Why aren't you going?"

"There's a baby upstairs asleep in her crib," Esme reminded me.

"So? Alice is here and I have three more days off. We can handle one small baby between us. Couples our age do, there's no reason why siblings can't."

"I don't know," Mom replied worriedly.

"I'm a doctor. A real doctor, with qualifications and everything," I growled. "And how hard can it be to change a few diapers? I'm sure Alice knows how to do that already."

Esme laughed. "I see. You are dividing up the chores without giving your sister a say in what ones she gets assigned?"

I shrugged. "Your point is? If she wanted to feed the other end, she should have said so. I'll be in charge of bottles, and baby food, and Ali can do the women's work. Cleaning the messy bits."

"Ooh Edward, don't even joke like that in front of Mom. She will remove the bits that make you a man."

"Who's joking? I'll be in charge of putting the food in and Alice can cope with it's eventual journey's end."

"Come on, Esme. He's right. Two nights, one day. What could happen? They are both adults and Edward delivers babies for a living. He is capable of taking good care of Bonnie and Alice has helped out in the past with temporary placements. Children's Services are fine with our adult children helping out when necessary."

"I suppose," she wavered. "We haven't had a vacation this year and I was looking forward to this weekend."

"Then go. Shoo. Call and check on us if you must but I insist you leave right now," I replied. "You can return the favour when I get hitched and have kids."

"Not to Tanya?" Mom checked.

"No Mom. That ship has sailed. Or sunk, anyway. I will be glad of the excuse not to see her for a few days. You and Dad go."

"The bags are in the trunk," Dad replied. "And I have a nice little gift for you."

"Little? I thought you were a Cullen? We Cullen's have big gifts," Emmett interjected. Biology means nothing to him. Esme is our Mom, Carlisle is our Dad and we are Cullen's, no matter who gave birth to us.

"It seems a little mean to go when Bonnie is just getting to know us," Mom worried.

"She has to get to know us all. I'm sure Bella will keep her in our lives even after she gets returned to her. Just go. The baby will probably sleep all night anyway. She has every night so far."

"But she sleeps on Carlisle's chest. I don't think we should do this."

"I have a chest and so does Alice. Go. Before I carry you to the car myself," I growled.

Rose came downstairs an took Emmett's arm. "We should go. Our booking is at eight."

"Come on Esme, it's now or never," Dad urged.

"Fine. But any problems, you call me immediately. The bottles are in the fridge. Check the temperature after you warm them and don't forget that cream for her diaper rash.."

"Mom, I prescribed it. Go."

I locked the door behind the four of them and flicked through the TV guide. Nothing caught my attention and I turned the TV off and recommenced walking around the room. The past few days it had become obvious I couldn't even pretend I was still interested in Tanya and we had all but broken up already. The fat lady was singing.

My cell buzzed and I answered. It was time to sat those final words.

"Edward, last chance. You take back what you said or I swear, I'm getting on this bus and going to Sea Tac to catch a plane to Alaska to live with Kate for a while. And if or when I get back, I won't be looking you up."

"That's for the best," I agreed. "Tanya, we weren't ever going to be a forever couple. You and I just didn't click."

"Not like you and Kate," she replied harshly.

"No, " I replied. "Not like Kate and I. And look how that ended. You and I were so much less, we never stood a chance."

"So I wasted my time with you?"

"It seems that way," I nodded. "I'm sorry. You caught me at a vulnerable point, when my pride was wounded. My ego clouded my common sense. I should have accepted my loss and walked away. Not clung on and tried to make us into something we weren't."

"Fine, Edward. And don't kid yourself that I don't know the real reason. You are infatuated with her."

"Who?" I asked, perplexed. I wasn't infatuated with anyone.

"Oh, let's see. Who has been the constant topic of conversation? Whose name is featured in every sentence you utter?"

"Bonnie? She's a baby. Don't be absurd."

"You really don't listen to yourself, do you? You really don't know," she sighed loudly.

"Apparently not," I agreed. "Good bye Tanya. Some of it was fun."

"It could have been a whole lot more fun if you had just given in and slept with me. I wouldn't have cared I you were really thinking of Kate."

"I would have. There's the difference," I replied.


	4. Chapter 4

**Must be RPatz appreciation week here.**

"**Luckily, it's not every day you have to deal with loads and loads of people because it's quite tiring, But people are coming out to say they like you, and you have so many people in the world saying they don't like you, so you have to appreciate it because they're on your side." -Robert Pattinson (Courier Mail – Australia)**

"I feel like I have to think more about what I can do. I find I have to convince more people of my worth now than when I wasn't getting jobs at all. As soon as you start getting paid for stuff your options become limited so quickly." - Robert Pattinson (Courier Mail – Australia)

"I'd never had a Xanax before, But I'd started getting so paranoid about messing up auditions all the time that I would actually mess them up. So I took like half a Xanax. And it went really well, so when I had to go and meet the producers I thought: I'm just going to take another Xanax! And then I went in and almost fell asleep." -Robert Pattinson (The Guardian – UK)

"I'm not interested in doing star vehicles. You want ensembles, you don't want it to be, 'Oh the Twilight guy's got a movie coming out'. The directors don't want that either, they want it to be their movie." -Robert Pattinson (Courier Mail – Australia)

"After the last one comes out, you can kind of have two failures – and they'd better be low-budget failures. Because if you have one big-budget failure you're pretty much done in this environment." -Robert Pattinson (The Guardian – UK)

"When you have a group of 300 girls coming at you, it doesn't matter how tough those eight guys are! You can mobilise a little army." -Robert Pattinson (Courier Mail – Australia)

"It's still a bit of getting used to if there are 400 fans in front of your hotel room calling your name until three o'clock in the morning. Then they pause exactly four hours and then it starts again. And once you show your face, they stand there in complete silence . I'm sure if any of them would be alone, he would never do that, it would be embarrassing for him." - Robert Pattinson (Welt Online Germany – 2011)

Paying The Piper

Chapter 4

EPOV

True to my word, I had no problem feeding Bonnie and I even changed her diaper without yelling for Alice. I could hear her sewing machine working overtime, and as I had nothing planned for the evening, it seemed the right time to do my bit and let Alice take over in the morning. Although my job demands I be an early riser, the days I can sleep in are days I appreciate and take advantage of.

Bonnie had woken up and called out in her baby voice, not crying or screaming as expected, just cooing to alert Esme that she was awake now. I paused at the bedroom door to let her absorb it was not my Mom but me coming to her rescue and she sat up in the crib and eyed me off. Her eyes were so like her Mom's. Deep brown pools of velvet. I had to smile at the assessment she was giving me. She picked up the scrap of pink blanket she slept with and mouthed the satin edging as she evaluated me, finally deciding I was a good enough substitute and holding her hands out towards me.

She is such a pretty little girl, like Bella in so many ways despite the jet black hair. Her little heart shaped face is Bella's and her uneven lips are definitely her Mother's too.

"Hey Bonnie, guess what? Esme has gone away for two nights but don't worry, Alice and I are here and we are going to take very good care of you."

She frowned, as if she understood and was digesting this information and considering her options. Maybe she did know all she had to do to get me to summon Esme home was cry loudly for a prolonged period of time. She dropped the blanket and her lower lip quivered.

"Hey, we can do all sorts of fun stuff. First we can change the soggy diaper, then we can have a few drinks and get to know each other," I suggested, though she would just be having the one drink, formula in a glass feeding bottle and I would be sticking to fruit juice. Maybe she was a girl who liked a man to buy her a drink, whatever; she stopped the imminent tears and grabbed my hair instead and inspected it as I changed her.

Her tiny hands couldn't possibly do much harm, I knew that but when she closed her fist and pulled, I cried out loud involuntarily and wondered how I would look with a bald spot.

"Not so rough, I thought little girls were the gentler of the species," I begged and she grinned and released my hair.

"I know I need a haircut but that was just mean, Missy. Now, what are you drinking tonight? I think they have a passable formula here that the ladies often go for."

Bonnie was in agreement and I sat in Dad's armchair in the sitting room and held the bottle to her lips. She gave me a searching look and put her hands up to take it herself, and I look my hand away.

I felt like I was being scrutinised and judged much more closely by her than by any female I had ever spent time with, but she relaxed in my arms and smiled around the teat. It seemed I was worthy of her company.

"So, let's see, I know all about you, maybe I could tell you about myself," I suggested. "I've just broken up with my girlfriend, though we all knew that would happen one day, right? She wasn't even close to being my One, and I admit I always knew that. It was hard for me when Kate decided Eli was her future and I wasn't. We'd known one another since High School, and her Dad was my baseball Coach. Mick has three daughters and I guess I became his honorary son for a few years and I didn't know how to close that door and walk away.

I know, it's pretty sad, and I will miss visiting him and Sasha. His wife and I have almost a mother/son bond as well , but I guess that's Eli's role now. I have to move on and I'm grateful to Tanya really, she made it possible to wean myself off them all gradually. I guess the truth is, I dated her only to stay close to them. Now I could be really stupid and turn my attentions to Irina, but I'm not going to do that.

Do you know why, Bonnie? Because it would be really selfish of me. I've mucked Tanya around and let her have expectations that I never intended fulfilling. I guess it was just a gut reaction when Kate kicked me to the curb.

_You don't want me, well, let's see if your sister does. Let's see how you like me staying in your family. Let's see how it feels knowing Mick and Sasha will always like me more than they like Eli._

_You are choosing wrong, Kate. You should have chosen me._

Yeah, I know. It's not High School any more and looking back, the writing was always on the wall from the first time she wanted space and we broke up for a few months. That's when we should have let it go. We'd been too intense and she got scared and I understood, I was feeling pretty smothered myself, never game to look at other girls, even. Not that I wanted to play away, but Kate was a very possessive and jealous type of girl. Don't be like that, Bonnie. It just scares the boys.

Anyway, we dated other people and then Mick died and Sasha and the girls fell apart and I came running home to fix the unfixable, and somehow Kate and I became a couple again. But, you see, it wasn't really me she wanted. Not for myself. She wanted everything to go back to how it had been, and Mick wasn't coming back, so I guess I was the second best thing. I guess we were destined to failure but we tried. We broke up and then tried again, over and over, and each time we tried to rekindle those old feelings, it was a little less good, a little less fun; we were clutching at straws, trying to build a straw house that would never stand up to the Big Bad Wolf.

My solution was obvious. Get engaged. Put a ring on her finger and save what little we still had, and maybe marriage would force us to work things out. Her solution was the opposite. Find someone new. I don't think she planned to do that though, it just happened. She met Eli and suddenly every sentence she uttered had his name in it."

I paused for a moment, wondering what Tanya ha meant about every sentence I was saying contained news of some other woman. I knew I talked about Bonnie a lot, but she was new and fascinating, and the closest I had even been to a baby outside of work.

I shrugged. Tanya clearly had imagined it, maybe she had used it as an out herself. Invent a new love interest for me and she could walk away and heap all the blame in my direction. I deserved that.

"So, do you come here often? I hear you will be moving out soon and going to live at Clifftops? Maybe I should do the same. Shake off the last of my childhood and go live alone, like a grown up. What do you think?"

She eyed me intently and considered my words.

"Don't you have to rub her back and get the air out of her tummy?' Alice said, walking into the kitchen and coming back with two glasses of orange juice. She placed one on the coffee table in front of me and sipped the other.

"Sure, I do know what I'm doing," I replied and took the bottle away and raised Bonnie to my shoulder and rubbed circles on her back. She belched loudly and Alice laughed.

"Not very lady like but some men affect you that way," she informed Bonnie.

"Why are we so reluctant to leave the nest, Alice? None of our friends still sleep in their childhood beds. We both have places of our own and look how often we end up here. Sometimes I think Emmett's the only grown-up and that's pretty sad."

"It's Mom and Dad. They are still fun to live with. It's their fault. Mom just keeps cooking for us and cleaning up after us and we like it. I'm sure once we get paired off with our forever partners, we won't be back here much at all. Emmett's found his One, so he can happily make his own family. You and I are still looking and falling for the wrong people. One day, we will come home with someone amazing on our arm and that'll be it. Our old bedrooms will be the last place we want to sleep. It will happen."

"But I'm a doctor. I've already passed my use-by date for living at home. I guess once Bonnie goes back to Bella, I'll move out properly. That'll be the moving date, Missy. As soon as you leave, I'll go too."

She didn't seem bothered and I lay her back in my arm and handed her the rest of her formula. She drank it slowly, clearly pretty disinterested now the edge was off her appetite.

"You make a great pretend Dad. Do you want kids?" Alice asked, watching Bonnie reach for my hair and reminding me again to go get it cut.

"Sure. One day. With the right woman."

"Did you ever think Kate was the right woman?" she persisted.

"Only at first, in that schoolboy way everyone does. You think your first love will last forever and I hung on too long and refused to accept Kate and I were done. I guess I needed to keep up that link to Mick through her, just as she was doing through me. It was silly. Grief doesn't really allow you to make good decisions for a while."

"And does that explain Tanya?"

"Possibly. Let's just say yes. It's better than thinking I ever really liked her, right?" I smirked.

"I don't understand men, but then, men don't understand women either. Do you ever think about how much more simple it would be if we were gay? I could totally live with another woman and know exactly what she was thinking, and what she wanted and understand her moods. Know they weren't personal, just hormonal. How much easier to just say "PMT" and have your partner completely understand and accept that for the next few days, you will be snappy and unreasonable and not have to put up with the moaning. The 'what did I do? Why are you being a bitch?' scenarios. How good would that be? She'd bring me chocolates to get me through the worst days and understand that no, I'm not in the mood to hang out with her douchy friends who always get drunk and think its funny to feel up the waitress?"

I laughed. "I believe there's more to being a lesbian than that. There's the 'romantic' side as well."

"Rubbish. If men want sex all the time, and women apparently don't, judging from the complaints we get every time we dare to say 'no', then maybe lesbians don't do it that much."

"Or maybe they do and they enjoy it," I replied. "No big bad penis invading them."

"Oh, I quite like penises invading me," Alice said.

"Too much information. Anyway, I don't fancy men so this is a pointless conversation."

"How about Jasper? I bet you can see how pretty he is? I mean, I accept you are straight but compare him to Tanya and you have to admit, he is far prettier than she is."

"I see, this is really just a way to discuss Jasper Whitlock. He's not after a lasting relationship. If Jazz has a girl sleepover twice in a row, it gets mentioned in the press," I joked.

"But I think the right girl could change all that. I think Jazz just hasn't met her yet."

"Well, he's met you so you aren't her," I stated.

"Oh, we may have exchanged words but he has not had the Alice Brandon Cullen experience yet."

"Be careful, Alice. He's a playboy. He's a great guy but he's never going to change and settle down. He'll be chasing beach bunnies until they start calling the cops because they think he's a dirty old man. Which he will be, one day."

"I think you are wrong. I think Jasper is ready to consider other futures. I can see when a man is ripe for a real relationship, and he might not know it yet himself, but he is there."

"If you say so," I murmured. Bonnie was watching us, looking from Alice to me as we spoke and her eyelids were drooping.

"Should she be this tired?" I asked my sister.

"She's a baby. Mom took her out until 4pm, she missed her morning nap. It's good, she will sleep well tonight. Go settle her in her crib. I have a date, by the way, and I may not be back tomorrow at all, if things go my way."

"Not Jasper?" I checked.

"Nope, but he is almost at the top of my list of who will be next so get used to that idea."

"I thought you were going to help me with Bonnie?"

"Maybe you should have asked me before assuming that. I have plans and they were made weeks ago. She's all yours, Edward. Even if I do come back here tomorrow, I still have hems to sew and final touches to complete so you are on your own. Have fun. Find out what it's like to be a single Dad."

I took Bonnie to her nursery and lowered her into her crib. Her eyes sprung open and she wailed loudly.

"No, don't cry. Here's your blankie," I offered. She grabbed it tightly and looked at me with that look I thought was reserved for Mom's. That 'you are letting me down and breaking my heart' guilt trip look.

"What?" I asked, attempting to lay her down again, as she fought against me.

"She sleeps on Dad's chest. Good luck with that," Alice called and I heard the front door slam.

"Okay, let's see. I guess I have to go dig out some pajamas then, I'll be right back."

She sat watching me with big tear filled eyes, crying silently, and it was somehow worse than her earlier wails.

I hurriedly stripped and pulled on long legged cotton sleep pants and an old Tshirt and rushed back to lift her and bring her into Mom and Dad's bed, and I didn't even pause to consider it strange to be sleeping in there, where I had not slept since I was four or five. All I could think of was the way Bonnie cheered up and cuddled onto my chest and started sucking her thumb contentedly.

She checked out the room and decided this was a good enough solution and I felt her body suddenly relax and weigh more heavily against me as she slipped back into slumber.

I've had worse nights.

It was quite peaceful feeling her tiny heart flutter against my own and I pulled a couple of pillows to each side in case she rolled off me, but I needn't have worried. She was still there when I woke up and found the early rays of morning sun streaking across us both and her warm brown eyes were laughing into mine.

"Good morning," I sang, ruffling her hair. She frowned and I laughed. "Sorry. I should know the rule. Never mess with the hair, right? You'd think people would get that, but they never do."

I bathed her and dressed her for the day after breakfast, and put her in the playpen to play while I hurriedly showered. I'd eaten the same oatmeal I'd cooked for her, and cleaned up and now the long day loomed out in front of me. Exactly what did one do all day with a baby?

"It's stupid and unfair. Your Mom would love to have a whole extra day with you and instead, you are stuck with me," I sighed. Then I realised, there was no rule against taking Bonnie out. I could show her my apartment, see if she approved. And if Bella dropped in to visit and update me on the tenants complaints, it would only be natural to let her play with the baby.

I packed a bag of baby supplies and strapped Bonnie into Esme's car.

She liked going in the car and waved at passing motorists and looked out the window, gurgling her delight. I parked and unstrapped her and balanced her on my hip while hanging her bag over my other shoulder and slammed the car door. It wasn't easy, yet women made it look as if it was.

Maria started yapping excitedly and Bonnie's eyes lit up so I walked around and stepped over Jasper's low fence to cut through his yard.

"Look Bonnie, here's Maria," I said, crouching down and surprisingly, Maria sat and just looked at the baby calmly as she stared back.

"Okay, enough bonding, let's go see if your Mom is awake," I suggested.

As I stood, I glanced into Jasper's bedroom window. As expected, he was asleep, sprawled across his bed and also, not surprisingly, he wasn't alone. I was about to make a joke about it being something an innocent baby didn't want to see when the naked brunette in his bed rolled over and I saw her face.

"Momma," Bonnie shrieked and Bella Swan opened her eyes. Jasper's arms were still around her shoulders and she sat up and moved them off her.

I was wrong. It wasn't the baby who didn't wan to see that sight. It was me.

Somehow I felt letdown, by the both of them. This was hardly the type of behaviour that would get Bella her daughter back, and I thought Jasper would have recognised that Bella was not someone to use and discard. She'd been through too much already.

Bella wrapped herself in the silver smoking jacket Jasper's Mom had sent him for Christmas one year. He only wore it when he was sitting outside in the evenings, smoking one of his occasional cigars, joking about being 'one of them', the upper class rich as he inhaled a fifty dollar drag.

Bella seemed quite at home borrowing it and she came to the glass sliding door and reached for her child. I stepped back and turned away slightly.

"I'm looking after Bonnie today for my Mom. I thought I'd show her my penthouse and if you dropped in and reported the complaints, I guess you could spend some time with her," I said, not handing the baby over.

"I'll have a shower and get dressed," she replied, and fled to her own place.

Jasper sat up and ran a hand through his wild bed hair.

"Edward," he acknowledged and lay back down.

"Is this a good idea?" I questioned.

"We didn't sleep together. Well, we slept together but we didn't fuck," he groaned and held a pillow across his eyes against the sun that was shining brightly through his door. "We kissed. That's all."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" I growled. I don't know why I was so upset. Bella was not my responsibility, only her daughter was. Bella was an adult and could do whatever she wanted, but sleeping with Jasper was hardly in her best interests. The social worker could do a surprise visit at any time and finding her client in bed with the local playboy would hardly earn her another tick.

"I thought we all had the same goal. Getting Bonnie back with her Mom," I retorted. "Not messing with a woman who has experienced too much pain already, and leading her on."

"She knows the rules," he replied. "It's just a bit of fun, Edward. Relax."

"Does she do this a lot?" I asked, afraid I was fighting on the side of someone who didn't deserve fighting for. Maybe there were other reasons Children's Services were keeping Bonnie from her.

"No," he growled back. "She had never so much as kissed any man but her stupid husband until last night , and you have to agree, this Jake is the stupidest man on the planet. Throwing Bella away like that. What a douche."

"I agree with that part, but Jazz, this won't go over well if her case worker catches her in your bed. They make unannounced visits for a reason. Any time they like."

"Maybe we could put up some curtains," Jasper answered. "Is Bella making coffee?"

"No, she's showering and getting dressed so she can play with Bonnie," I replied.

"Maybe I should go catch a wave," he said, and sat up on the edge of the mattress.

"Naked kissing, was it?" I questioned as he pulled on a pair of board shorts from the pile on the floor.

"She's an excellent kisser, what can I say?" he replied with a grin."Don't be too hard on her, Edward. She is starting to heal and that's all I want to do. Help her feel better about herself. She isn't some innocent teenager, she has given birth to two babies."

So, she'd told him everything. Already.

"I'll wait upstairs," I stated and headed for the stairwell between their apartments.

X~x~X

BPOV

I rushed through my shower and threw on a pair of shorts and a cami over my underwear and quickly ran a brush through my hair. I'd slept well though I don't think Jasper did. He'd explained he usually didn't allow his 'bunnies' to sleep over so he wasn't used to another body beside his all night long, especially one that kept moving closer seeking contact.

I just wanted to feel skin against my skin but I did realise he was being generous, not kicking me out. After all, we hadn't even touched one another in any sexual way, and his body clearly wanted to.

I wasn't ready for that so I tried to control what parts of me touched what parts of him and I liked it best when he rolled away and let my body spoon around his. With no impatient 'friend' between us.

Kissing him had been a revelation. He kissed differently to Jake and although I know Jasper is much more practised at it, I can't say I liked the emotionless aspect of it. It was more as if we were performing some scene in a movie, rather than connecting. His tongue knew it's stuff and at one point, I admit I almost weakened and opened my legs for him. Not that he had pressed for that. He'd kept his word and been satisfied with just body contact and kissing, though 'satisfied' is the wrong word to use in the circumstances.

I was beyond thrilled to see Bonnie so unexpectedly and I gave up on my attempt to detangle my hair and took the hairbrush with me as I bolted up the internal staircase. Edward had left his door open and I knocked on the door frame and he called out to come inside.

Bonnie looked completely comfortable and at home, laying in Edward's arms as she drank a bottle of boiled water, and he was playing with her toes, telling her some nursery rhyme about little piggies.

I'd never heard nursery rhymes myself. I knew they were once a big part of babyhood but these days it was more theme songs from kid's TV shows. Edward seemed delighted in her reaction as she grinned and reached for his hair as he tweaked her toes.

"Look who is here, Bonnie," he said, his face dropping the smile a little. I almost felt like I was interrupting and my daughter gave me a frown as I attempted to pluck her from Edward's arms.

"Hey, you aren't switching favourites, are you, Baby Girl," I joked. I guess it was inevitable that she would bond with her new carers but it still hurt a little as she bit on the teat and looked back at Edward.

He stood and walked behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders, looking at her from behind me.

"Excuse the kiss, but it's a trick the nurses taught me. When a little patient sees more of the staff than the mother, they often start to bond so this usually works."

He kissed my cheek and stroked my face and smiled at Bonnie. "Nice Mommy. We love Mommy, don't we? Mommy is so happy to see you again."

Bonnie ceased frowning and smiled, but whether it was at him or me was debatable. Then she caught my gaze and dropped the bottle in her eagerness to kiss my cheek herself. I held her soft little head against my face and she did the sucky, wet baby version and I felt better. We were okay. She still remembered me and wanted to be in my arms.

Edward scooped up the abandoned bottle and went into his kitchen.

"I guess you haven't eaten yet? Sit out here and I'll rustle up something."

'Out here' proved to be a long patio off his dining room and I realised his place was even more luxurious than ours. Way bigger, with lots more glass, and like Jasper's place, no curtains. However, up here there was no-one to look into the windows except the various sea birds.

The view of the beach was breathtaking and I chose a chair and seated myself at the large wooden table, with Bonnie on my lap.

"Did you miss me, chicken?" I asked and nuzzled her cheek. Edward came out and placed a bag on the table and Bonnie immediately reached for a toy that spilt out from it. It wasn't one of hers therefore must be one of Esme's. She lifted it to show me then started chomping down on the end and frowning.

"Teething," Edward said as he placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of me. He put his own cup opposite where I sat and went back to his cooking but soon we had plates of pancakes, as well as bowls of yogurt and cereal and fruit. I was starving and spooned muesli and yogurt into a plate and added berries.

Bonnie dove a hand in and took a blueberry for herself and sucked on it while I ate hungrily. Edward merely smiled at my appetite and handed me a stack of pancakes to follow and I devoured everything.

"So, how are you settling in?" he asked when I finally finished eating.

"Rick in Three has a cracked window pane, and Dan? The suit in Six?"

"Dane," he corrected me.

"Right, Dane. He wants to know if he can have his floorboards refinished with darker stain. He isn't keen on the golden pine look and it clashes with his furniture."

"I guess, as he is a long term tenant, I could consider letting him have that done."

"How come he brought his own furniture? Is that optional?" I asked.

"Hmm," Edward replied, "I'm not strict about who provides the furniture. A lot of long-term renters like their own stuff."

"So, where do you store your furniture if they don't use it?"

"I think I let that apartment unfurnished from the start," Edward answered. "So, I know you must miss Bonnie a lot, so we should try and make ways around the agreement. I don't see any sense in keeping you two apart. I thought the aim was to get you back together and letting her bond with her foster family at your expense is ridiculous. She's not in harm's way here and you are my Super. Whenever I have a day off work, I could convince Esme to let me bring her here for a visit, for the day."

"You don't have any baby equipment. You need a crib at least," I replied. "There is the old one I own. We could bring it up here, I guess."

"Okay," he agreed and I handed him my key when he stood and held out his hand. I walked to the railing and looked at the view. The beach stretched for miles and Jasper was running along it, board under his arm.

He ran into the surf and we watched him catch wave after wave, with never a slip. I was impressed, having trouble standing on flat non moving surfaces myself.

"There's my new friend, Jasper," I pointed out to my daughter. "You will like him. He's really sweet."

"He is a nice guy," Edward agreed. He rested the folded crib on the floor and looked at me. "You do know what you are getting yourself into with him?"

"I do," I replied, returning to my chair. "He spelt the rules out nice and clearly. No strings, just a way to erase Jake from my body if not my mind. It disturbs me now that he is the last..well, the only person to have had access to my body. I don't want to sit around keeping myself for him, should he ever come back. He doesn't deserve that courtesy."

"Just be careful. It sounds like more of a 'Jake' thing than a 'Jasper' thing. Those distractions can be tricky. I know. That's how Tanya and I got together. Her sister and I broke up, and there she was, all ready and willing to let me use her."

"Oh," I replied in surprise. He didn't look like the type to use women. Shows what I know.

"Yes, it happens to the best of us. Be safe. "

"I imagine Jasper has a good supply of condoms, he certainly won't be chancing any little accidents," I smirked. "He's very open about not wanting kids in his life. Not yet. I guess it happens at different points, to each of us.

I always wanted to have a baby. So did Jake. We were almost really foolish once. When High School ended, Billy wasn't keen for Jake to go to college. He thought his son should just take over the mechanic's job he'd held down himself in his own garage all these years, but Jake wanted to get proper qualifications, even though he knew all the practical.

Charlie insisted I was attending SeattleU and had worked extra shifts forever to save my college fees, so we briefly fantasized about having a baby then, instead, so I could stay here. We were way too young, but who knows, maybe that baby would not have gotten ill."

"I guess there's no way of knowing the truth in that," he replied. "I know most parents think a teenage pregnancy is a blow and an obstacle to the young parents achieving their goals, but I see your point. You both would have stayed and been a family, and managed just fine, in all probability. Never had to go through the trauma that the sensible choices you made created."

"Once we got to college, we decided that had been a dumb idea anyway. And we got to stay together and while we couldn't afford a place off campus, he did visit my dorm a lot. I won the room allocation lottery and got a single, he had to share with another guy, so he mostly slept at mine."

"What course did you do?" he asked and I bit my lip.

"Journalism and creative writing. I had this idea in my head I could one day write something somebody would want to read. Maybe a novel. I think everyone thinks that, though. It never happened. I started a rough draft after college, when I was pregnant with Blythe but Jake thought it was pretty awful so I quit. He said I became to obsessed with writing and didn't give him enough attention. It was probably true. Once I started, the characters were always shouting at me, in my brain, to write their story. I felt like I had to comply, to keep them 'alive', if you know what I mean. I still feel guilty for abandoning them and never letting them have the life I had in mind for them. But, as Jake pointed out, they never existed anyway, so no loss."

"That's a little harsh. They existed for you. While you thought about them, they were alive in a way."

I started brushing the knots from my hair and Edward walked over and took the brush.  
>"I do this for Alice all the time."<p>

He used his fingers to separate each knot and then brushed my hair slowly, smoothing it with his hand.

"Too late now," I replied. "I've long given up ever finishing that book. I kept what I had written but I can't even read it now. So much real life has happened since then."

"Maybe it would help if you incorporated some of your own life into the book? It could help just to write it all down and experience it second hand? I don't know, I'm not a psychologist."

I shrugged.

"I think I liked the main characters too much to let them suffer through my life. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It was too hard and so bleak. If it wasn't for Bonnie, I don't know how I would have ever coped. I couldn't end my pain and misery, and believe me, I wanted to, because she needed me to carry her to term. I could hardly refuse to abort then kill her anyway. She kept me having to exist, then of course, after she was born I just had to keep going. I have tried to be a good Mom, just things got to hard lately. Once the anniversary passes, I think I'll be okay."

"When is it?" he asked, his green eyes filled with sympathy or maybe just reflecting the pain in my own eyes back to me.

"This Saturday," I replied in a whisper, barely able to even admit the day. An entire year had passed since I last saw Blythe. Who would have ever expected me to last this long without her?

Maybe Jake had the right idea.

Just run.

Run away and never look back.

Maybe I would have run with him had I not had Bonnie to consider

**A/N. Real lie is really busy at the moment and this is the only story with pre written chapters left so it's the only one I can update despite the floods, and general chaos associated with getting the kids to University/college.**


	5. Chapter 5

Paying The Piper

Chapter 4

EPOV

Bella was laying on my couch, the baby laying on her chest. It was a sight to warm anyone's heart and they looked so right there together. I don't think any other love compares to that of a mother and her child, and I was glad she was fighting the good fight. The worthwhile fight.

I finished cleaning up after dinner and approached them.

"I should take Bonnie home. I think it's expected that she sleeps on the premises of her foster parents. We should keep to the rules," I stated reluctantly.

Bella let out a small sob and held her daughter tightly and kissed her head. "I hate this. She's all I have and I need her. God, I wish I could turn back time and never have left her with Renee. That was so stupid."

"Bella, normally that was the very best thing you could have done. You aren't responsible for what your Mom did."

"But I'm responsible for Bonnie and I never should have left her there. It was selfish and I got myself sorted before the...date...anyway. I could have coped myself. I didn't trust myself with her at that point and I foolishly thought Mom would want to help me. There was nobody else. Billy's too incapacitated to look after an infant."

"See, you did the safest option for your child. I personally don't see what else you could have done. I think they are being incredibly harsh. I would have thought a better solution would be have Bonnie returned to you and just have someone visit to make sure you were coping, and give you the option of leaving the baby with Esme for a day or night, any time you needed to."

"They put Bonnie's welfare first, it's their job. I can't hold that against them but it hurts. I don't want to let her go."

I made a snap decision.

"Come home and sleep over. You can have my bedroom, I sleep in my parents bed at the moment anyway. Bonnie prefers their room."

Bella jumped at the chance and I strapped Bonnie into the carseat while she stopped in to explain to Jasper, and grabbed her pajamas and locked her own place up.

"Jasper is okay with this?" I asked as she stepped into the passenger seat.

"Sure, he has a date anyway."

I was surprised.

"So, you and he are...what? Dating?"

"Nothing so noble. He's helping me experience other flavours," she grinned. "I guess you think I'm some sort of skank but if I'm going to be able to move on from Jacob, I need to completely erase him from my body. I have his daughter and his Father in my life so mentally he will always be connected but I want to look back at the last man I slept with and not have it be him. Then I think I will be able to date like a normal human being."

"So, no long term plans?"

"Jasper doesn't do long term, you know that."

"Okay, so long as you know what you are doing," I replied.

"Edward, I have no idea what I'm doing. I think I had three dates apart from Jake. All single dates, with the only three guys Charlie didn't manage to scare away or arrest. It was Fifty Rules for dating my daughter, if your name wasn't Jacob Black. If it was, it was the opposite. Do what you like, sleep with her, sleep over, whatever. It's all there for your taking. Both father's were determined we would marry."

"So, Jasper is your friend with benefits and he still dates other girls?"

"Yes. I guess that sums it up. Gosh, it sounds a little cold, but it's actually a good thing. He isn't giving up his friends for me, and we both know this is just temporary. It's what I need."

"And you don't care that he's sleeping with other girls the nights you aren't there?"

"We talked about that. He wants to try being monogamous, for his own reasons, unrelated to me. He's never done that, so it's his challenge. If he fails, I'm not going to cry. It won't cause me any pain. It'll be his failure to himself, not to me. It is something he wants to do."

I guess if this arrangement suited Bella as well, I shouldn't judge. I know I am the one out of step with modern thinking. To me,sex is the ultimate expression of love, not something done lightly. Just knowing what was done could never be undone had kept me out of the beds of the few girls I had dated.

"Have you considered maybe waiting a little and maybe meeting someone new? Wouldn't it be even better to erase Jacob with someone you had feelings for? It would be more of a cure than a simple band-aid. It could be a turning point or a crossroads; a path to your future happiness rather than just an act of defiance and revenge."

"I'm quite happy with it being just that," she replied. "Edward, I'm not going to meet anyone else. How could I ever expect another man to accept and love Bonnie as his own when even her own real father couldn't? Better that I take advantage of her being safely with your parents for this time, and getting done what needs to happen.

I'm not planning on making a habit of it. I think should I meet another man in the future and be able to trust him to accept Bonnie, I won't be exactly ashamed to have been with two men, one of whom was my husband. I read girls today have an average of six to seven partners and men eleven to twelve I'll still have plenty of room for a mistake or two , should I ever attempt to settle down.

In fact, how come in this day and age when females are supposedly equal to men, why do you guys get twelve to our seven? Are we then officially skanks if we go over that number?"

"Don't ask me. I just think it's incredibly sad that most people think sleeping together is just a way of introducing themselves. They do it after a single meeting, and even see it as a waste of a night if they don't end up in bed together.

And so often, in the light of day they wonder how they let it happen, and walk away without thought. Consider it a mistake but not one they will learn from. The next night or week or whatever, they do it again with someone else, and so on.

They've spoilt something that should be special, and made it no more personal and intimate than shaking hands. Just ask Jasper how many of the girls he has bedded did he know the names of. Maybe he knew their first name, or the nickname their friends called them, but I've asked him about some girls I've seen leaving his place in the early hours as I've arrived home from a shift, and he's been genuinely puzzled about who I was asking about. They don't even have a name to him. To me, that's a complete mockery of what love making is supposed to be.

It's not a new coffee recipe to be sampled and dismissed once the cup's empty. It's meant to be the ultimate declaration that you really want to be connected to that person, for as long as possible."

Kate had been different to the other girls. With her, and her alone, I had glimpsed a possible future together. We had not rushed into bed by any means, and had dated for years before we took that step. I had no regrets about her being my first and I was still happy to look back and know she was my last as well. I had never felt the need to erase her like Bella did Jake but then, Kate really hadn't damaged me by her moving on. We were done anyway and had we followed through with my plan, it would have ended badly and maybe there would have been a child involved. I could well imagine me begging Kate to try having a baby as a last desperate attempt to keep us together.

I know my problem is I hate letting go. I dislike change. I can understand why couples who are married hang on through the monotonous years, waiting for the spark to reignite. I deplore the modern practice of separating over the first problem instead of staying and fighting for what they have. My problem is the opposite. Letting go.

Bella changed in my bathroom and I put fresh linen on my bed, and got her clean bath towels, as Bonnie sat on the floor, watching our every move. I spoke happily to Bella, exaggerating my fondness for her, a woman I barely knew, to keep Bonnie on her side. It must be so confusing, knowing your Mommy is right here in the neighbourhood and not being allowed to be with her full time. It was natural she was bonding with our family, because we were there.

"Kiss Mommy," I said, after Bella prepared the baby for bed while I showered and changed into the pajamas I didn't usually bother wearing.

Bella was dressed in an old pair of sweats and a cami, but they looked good on her and revealed enough of her skin to show it was as creamy as her daughter's. It even looked as soft and I had to remind myself she was not to be touched. I just wanted to feel her and test the theory. I talked the talk and I believed what I said, but suddenly I doubted my own ideals. If she wasn't broken, if Jasper fixed her...

God, I was as bad as him. It was just lust, surely. Just the appeal of her skin and the beauty she seemed to have no idea that she possessed, and the strange sudden intense desire to protect her from the world.

Bonnie was torn when I lay down on my parents bed after Bella had said her goodnights and she grabbed her blankie tightly and looked folornly at the doorway.

"Momma," she asked me hopefully.

"You will see Momma in the morning. Now it's time to sleep," I explained and lay her against my chest. I rubbed her back and felt her start to shake slightly and to my dismay, she was sobbing silently, hopelessly, in a way only no baby should.

"Hey, you can sleep with your Mom tonight, so long as you are happy with Carlisle or me other nights, because this is just a once off, Baby Girl."

I took her to Bella, who seemed equally sad about being apart from her child, and shrugged.

"I think she wants you. I guess there's no harm in her sleeping in here tonight. I'm only concerned about the rest of the week, when you aren't here and she has to settle for one of us."

"She was okay before, when I wasn't in the house. Maybe it's just because she knows I'm here," Bella replied, placing Bonnie on her chest and stroking her back as the baby nestled down. Surprisingly she looked up and her lip quivered as I bade Bella goodnight and walked out.

"Hey, you can't have it both ways. Either you want to sleep on Edward's chest or on mine, greedy girl."

I stepped back and Bonnie looked beseechingly at me and held out a hand.

"I guess she's used to me already. I suppose I could sit on the side of the bed until she falls asleep," I said, sitting down and smoothing the baby's hair back off her face as she smiled at me. She decided she wanted my chest and Bella gave up wrestling and handed her over.

"Just sleep here, beside me. I promise not to molest you in anyway," she joked and I lowered myself onto my bed and let Bonnie settle. She was happy now, and Bella curled up beside me and placed a hand on her baby's back.

"Spoilt brat," she whispered to her daughter and both soon started breathing in that slow, regular way sleeping people did. I watched them both and marvelled at how alike they were. Jake's black hair was really the only difference she had to her Mom, and both slept with their mouths slightly open, with the hint of a soft snore.

It was cute and soothing, and as the night progressed I felt Bella move in closer and huddle along making contact with my body, and she threw an arm over both her daughter and I. I couldn't help smiling, then I felt it.

It was weird, and nothing I had felt before. Like a soft vibration, everywhere her naked skin touched mine. I eased myself away from her and it weakened and so I slid back closer, testing it wasn't some form of static. The moment our ankles met again, it buzzed more strongly and I bit my lip. I gently slid an arm under Bella's pillow and placed my arm around her bare shoulders and it turned into a hum. Just a low level, quiet sound, but the more bare skin connected, the stronger it felt.

I basked in the feeling and wondered what it was, and why it was happening. I may not have slept with more than one girl, but I had held my dates in my arms to kiss them and nothing like this had ever happened before.

Not even with Kate.

God, now all I could think about what what it would be like to kiss her properly. Not a quick peck on the cheek, but a proper kiss. Maybe this electric current was why Jasper had said Bella was an excellent kisser.

Bella frowned in her sleep and moved her arm, sliding her hand under my tshirt and settling it on the far side of my chest, and she smiled and nestled into me much as Bonnie tended to do.

Images swirled through my brain. Questions started forming. Did this feeling mean anything? Did this happen when she lay beside any man? No wonder she wanted naked sleeping with Jasper because I could really get addicted to this. If it felt like this for her, no wonder she craved being with a man at night.

Any man.

I knew sleep was out of the question and that was okay because this was better than any sleep I had ever had. I shut my eyes and just revelled in the feeling, the buzz, the connection between our bodies and to my dismay, I felt a reaction that was really improper and inappropriate with a baby asleep on my chest.

I rapidly flicked through images that usually deflated things, but it wasn't working, so I slipped the child from my chest into her mother's embrace and moved a couple of pillows to make sure the baby couldn't roll off the bed.

I was used to pointless, unwanted reactions like this, although it was usually brought on when I was asleep and dreaming of Kate in years gone by. This was the first time another woman had made me react this way and that was disturbing.

Maybe it was just the universe telling me to let Kate go, in every single way.

Maybe it was just that weird buzz.

It felt wrong and disrespectful to go shower and relieve the situation using Bella's image, she'd done nothing to excite me this way. Not consciously. I could wait. I would wait. I would help myself to a drink from my father's drinks cabinet and think of other things, but tomorrow night, when I slept alone and had privacy, I knew I would let this situation recur and I would be taking full advantage and enjoying the pleasure her touch had ignited, even if it was my hand that would have to finish what she had innocently started..

_Stop thinking about it now and wait for tomorrow night, it will be so worth it, _I promised myself.

I poured a large drink and threw it straight down my throat and waited for the effect to start hitting me. Everyone knows alcohol has the power to deflate any situation and make any erection disappear, but I needed to consume a lot more yet for that to happen. I poured myself another glassful, and took the bottle and a blanket with me. I opened the sliding door to the yard and walked outside.

Maybe a quick swim in the icy pool? I stripped off my pajamas before changing my mind. No, if I swam in that water, I would die of hypothermia.

I sat down on a sun lounge under the blanket and to my dismay, I could 'see' Bella Swan in that pool, swimming along happily, her body naked and glistening with the water that parted before her as she swam. Then as I downed half the spirits, she climbed from the pool and shook her body and her wet hair spun out around her face and she laughed as droplets sprayed into the air.

She had an incredible body, so firm yet so soft looking. I leaned forward, beckoning her to come join me on the chair and lay back as she approached, her eyes bright with mischief and anticipation of what was to come.

"_What do you want to do to me, Edward?" _she purred, sitting down beside me and stroking my very interested and excited dick. Her hand was wonderful and by some miracle, she was dry, not dripping pool water on me at all. Her soft brown hair was thick and soft and tantalising against my cheek as she leaned in to kiss me.

I slid my own hand down her thigh and found the only part of her that was wet, and I moaned and pushed my finger inside her. God, she felt amazing. So tight and so needy.

She was happily stroking me off, cooing naughty words...no, Bella wouldn't say rude things, not on our first encounter. She changed them to endearments, sweet words of love, and I kissed her throat and ...

The sound of the glass door opening made me growl and turn to send my father away. Only he wandered the grounds at night, so it must surely be him. To my shock and confusion, another Bella stood there, looking around.

"Is everything okay?" she asked. "It's cold out here. I put Bonnie into her crib, she seems to be deeply asleep now. Sorry if we stopped you from falling asleep."

"Is fine," I slurred and turned back to the naked Bella, but she had gone.

"Damn," I growled and realised my own hand was firmly sliding up and down my dick. I was glad the blanket hid that sight from her but angry she had interrupted what had promised to be an amazing encounter with her dream self.

She picked up my glass and sniffed the contents. "Could I maybe join you? I really need to talk to you. I've been thinking about what you said, about empty sex and whether it's worth the risk. Maybe you are right and I would feel worse afterwards. And if I live at Clifftops, I will have to see Jasper every day and also see his bunnies visiting, and maybe it will evoke some negative reactions. I have never experienced jealousy and I don't think I want to."

"Have a drink," I encouraged. I was still as hard as a rock but had stilled my hand and was simply holding my shaft tightly, praying it wouldn't spontaneously erupt at her closeness.

She disappeared so fast I was sure she was just another dream Bella, then there she was, a glass in her hand, and she poured herself a generous portion of my father's single malt and swallowed it down.

"I'm so confused," she confessed, sitting on the lounger beside mine, her body shivering in the cold night air.

No, her body should be hot so she would take those ridiculous sweat pants off, and toss that cami that revealed a little but not enough, away too.

I blinked, but it didn't happen.

Damn, this dream Bella was not as tuned in as the other and I looked around for that one. I wanted her back.

"But on the other hand, where do I fit a boyfriend in? I mean, Children's Services will be watching me and if I bring some guy home and it turns out he has a dodgy past, I could lose Bonnie forever."

She refilled my glass and handed it to me then once again drained her own, so I followed her example and stared at her, willing her to be silent like the other Bella.

Silent and naked.

I didn't need words, unless they were the words that first one had been saying. Maybe the dirty talking, if she really did have to blather on.

I discretely stroked myself once, and had to fight not to arch my back. God, it had been so long since dream Kate had attended to my needs. I wanted to pull dream Bella under the blanket and demand she use her mouth for more useful things than talking.

Just the idea had me threatening to burst.

"Share my blanket," a voice very like my own said and she looked up in surprise. I held up the edge and she stood there, undecided. "Come on, get warm, I'm sure I'm as good as Jasper. We are interchangeable."

Who was talking?

"Oh," Bella said in surprise, as if she suddenly understood something someone had said. "I guess you could be right but I'm a little drunk."

"I like little drunks," the voice replied and I looked to see who had spoken but as Bella was climbing in with me, her skin touching mine again, making the buzz happen, I forgot to care.

_Off top, leave Bella's breasts exposed to me _I ordered, and it refused to disappear so I grabbed at it and pulled it over hear head impatiently. I didn't have all night to find the right thought pattern to make it obey.

Bella's big brown eyes looked into mine and I reached up and look her warm lips between my own and sucked in that pouty lower lip. Oh, I liked this Dream Bella more, she tasted good. I could taste her. Not like the other one.

Not like Dream Kate, who frustrated me by not tasting like Kate used to.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I thought you only liked meaningful.." a voice asked and I kissed her again to shut her up.

Her pants were really hard to strip away, considering they didn't really exist but finally they were torn and lay in tatters on the grass.

"Bella," I moaned and eased myself inside her sweet warmth."Fuck me."

I had never had a Dream Girl so real, so touchable and I reached for her breasts and sighed with delight when they fitted so perfectly into my own palms. I had made them just right, not too big, just the perfect size. Her nipples were cherry coloured, darker than I had seen on the other Bella, so I lowered my mouth and encased one inside to see if the colour would wash away as I licked and sucked on it. Nope, but it puckered up prettily and I worked on the other to make it match.

"Edward," she moaned, but she wasn't doing the naughty talking I was ordering her to, inside my head. I was losing my touch. Her hands were invading my hair and nobody touched my hair but the feel of her fingernails against my scalp excited me further so I let them remain there, scratching gently.

The buzz, God, the buzz. My entire body was on fire and she was writhing on my lap, pushing her lady parts hard against me as I thrust inside her repeatedly, moaning loudly.

Fuck me, trust my luck for the best sex I'd ever experienced to be imaginary.

However, it did mean I could be magnificent, so I sat up and held her body against mine and whispered into her ear as I moved her up and down my shaft, gasping at the sensations.

_Slow down, make it last. Dream Bella's don't tire, you can do this all night._

I really wanted to last so I eased off and concentrated on her pleasure instead, grinding against her needy clit and ignoring my own needs. She gasped herself and threw back her head and screamed into the night.

So good.

I always, always wanted to make a woman to scream but Kate never had. I liked Dream Bella a lot more than Kate, whom I immediately banished and banned her from ever returning. Bella was my Dream Girl now.

She pulsed so hard around me the buzz was like a full electric charge and I flipped her and hovered above her body, pounding in harder and screaming myself when my dick exploded and I felt myself stream endlessly, shaking, holding her tightly, close, feeling the buzz overtake us both completely and put us inside a bubble of bliss.

I kept thrusting, slower, weaker, prolonging my release, and hers.

She was sobbing.

Yes, sobbing.

I was that good.

Dream Me was awesome.

I felt myself harden again as soon as I finished.

"Again," I said, out loud.

She didn't respond at first then I heard her mutter about stable doors and bolting horses, and shook my head to clear it.

"More, more," I muttered, trying to think of how to take her next. I moved off her and turned her onto her hands and knees, and mounted her body, finding her entrance again and thrusting inside. I could be as hard and as wild as I wanted with Dream Bella and she moaned and pushed back against me.

"Touch me," she begged and I frowned. Dream Girls did not need my thumb. I got them off repeatedly with just my pounding.

She grabbed my finger and sucked it inside her mouth and then pushed it down onto her clit and I gave in and stroked her gently but firmly as her breathing changed and she turned her face to the side so I could ravage her mouth with my own.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I chanted as I thrust in deeply, this angle making her so much tighter than she was already. I was not going to last long so it was a relief when Dream Bella screamed my name into the cold night air and I could pound in harder and grip her hips tightly as I released again, and screamed her name back to her.

I stayed in that position, kneeling up tight behind her, deep inside, holding her still against my pelvis and shook with relieved tension and total abandonment, in a way real sex could never be.

She finally moved and I moved back and watched in confusion as she picked up her cami and wiped herself clean. Dream Girls did not need to do that. That was the beauty. You could make love to them all night and they never needed bathroom breaks or to wipe away what you had left inside them.

She lay down again, on her back and I hovered above her.

"That was amazing but I need you to do it again, but gently this time. Pretend you love me," she whispered, blushing madly. I laughed out loud at this shy, coy, little Dream Girl. She had been so bold before, I wondered where the idea for her to turn into this unsure little creature originated.

"I love you," I whispered , smiling at her quivering lip, and kissing it until she kissed me back and put her hands back in my hair.

Our naked skin touched all along our torsos and I intertwined our legs and feet.

"I do love you, Dream Bella," I repeated.

"Then make love to me like it was our first time," she replied.

I could do that. I was a little surprised Dream Bella wanted gentle, Dream Kate never had.

I kissed her throat and gently bit on her earlobe and she moaned a little.

I liked that.

I moved down and took ownership of her nipples and sucked them so hard she opened her legs and her hands were suddenly on my butt, pushing my hard and throbbingly eager erection inside her again.

She felt so good. So warm, so welcoming.

I pushed in slowly and withdrew all the way, giving myself to her with long, slow strokes and she hummed as I slid across her clit on entry and exit.

"Edward," she cried with a small sob in her voice.

"Say you love me," I demanded. If I had to say it, so did she.

"I...I love you," she said, but her eyes were confused and she shut them to me.

"Open your eyes," I begged. I don't know why I just didn't order her to.

"Bella, you feel so good, so amazing," I murmured as I slid inside and out again, feeling the buzz hit me harder each time I went inside her. "You are so perfect. So much better than real girls," I assured her.

She laughed and frowned a little at the same time. "I'm real, Edward."

"Of course you are," I agreed. Whatever she wanted, I would say it.

"You do realise that?" she asked, her voice worried now. No, don't be worried, we are just a dream.

"Of course," I replied and quickened my pace a little, making her forget to talk and to gasp in air instead. I kissed her again, long and hard, and kept kissing her as I thrust and felt her walls shiver and clutch at my dick ,and I let go and came deep inside her again. I kept kissing her and she fell back, and gasped for air loudly.

"Edward, I almost blacked out. That was so intense..."

I guess I went on into another dream then, because that is all I remembered when I awoke and found my body sticky and alone, and several blankets piled on top of me. I had thought I'd only brought out one, clearly not.

I could hear movement in the house so I groped around and found my pajamas and pulled them on again.

"Thanks for last night," I said into the morning air, grinning. Fuck me, Dream Sex had been awesome. I would be sleeping out here every night if this was the reward.

My head throbbed as I stood up and pulled a quilt around my shoulders.

I gathered the other blankets and dropped them on the couch in the Family Room as I passed through on my way to the main bathroom, where I shut my eyes and relived the amazing sex I had dreamed up last night and my dick exploded at the memory, without any help from my hand.

I leaned against the tiled wall and laughed quietly.

Clearly I had left it way too long between sessions. I would have to indulge more regularly again, now Bella was around, inspiring such vivid dreams.

I dressed and went downstairs and Bella looked up and bit her lower lip, instantly blushing madly.

I paused and looked at Bonnie in her highchair, messing with her oatmeal.

"Are you okay?" I asked Bella.

"Sure," she said hurriedly, looking away, pushing the spoon in Bonnie's general direction but missing her mouth. She blushed again, a blush on top of a blush. Who knew you could even do that?

"Last night..." she said hesitantly.

Then it hit me. I was never quiet, I had no need to be. My wet dreams were always loud and accompanied with passionately spoken commentary. Real Kate had told me that.

I must have screamed, for real. Fuck, I had probably even screamed Bella's name at times. And she had been sleeping in my bedroom that overlooked the lounging area by the pool.

Shit, she had come down and put those extra blankets on me.

Maybe with the theory, fire blankets smothered a fire. My fire had needed putting out.

"Bella, God, I'm so sorry. It's embarrassing to explain, but it's been a really long time since Kate and I were last together, and I tend to ...need... to release sometimes. I'm sorry if I said your name and embarrassed you. It didn't mean anything. Nothing I said in the throes of passion meant anything. I hope this won't come between us? Shit. It's just that Kate and I had a very active sex life and I miss her, it, and sometimes ... I'm sorry for using you."

At least she couldn't read my mind, and know I fully intended using her again. And again. Starting tonight.

"I think I'll move back into my penthouse," I stated.

"Why would you do that?" my Mom asked as she and Carlisle filed into the kitchen.

"Um, it's time I grew up and left home completely," I replied, taking advantage of their interruption to flee.

I could hear my Mom asking Bella how Bonnie had coped as I walked quickly to my car and headed to work. Thank God I had a shift today and my break was over for another ten days. I needed to give Bella some space, and time to forget or at least come to laugh about my nocturnal display of lust. I couldn't control it and at least it meant I didn't bother real girls with my needs.

I swallowed down a couple of Paracetamol and vitamin tablets with a glass of orange juice as I pulled on my white coat and walked into the ER to begin.


	6. Chapter 6

Paying The Piper

Chapter 6

BPOV

As much as I longed to stay there outside, cocooned in Edward's arms that held me tightly against his body, I soon heard a small cry from inside the house and realised I should not be out here while Bonnie was all alone inside.

I reluctantly kissed Edward's sleeping face and tousled his hair again. I was right, it was so soft, like a baby's.

"Thank you. It was amazing," I said quietly, even though he clearly couldn't hear me. He was breathing deeply but his lips were posed in a smile, and he spoke a little himself, random words, mainly about loving Dream Bella.

Nobody loved me, and it had been such a long time since I heard words like these, so I sat at his side for a lingering moment and pretended it was Real Me he was speaking of.

"I could fall in love with you so easily. I think I may have already started," I admitted to Sleeping Edward.

I touched his cheek and sighed. Guys like him were not made for girls like me.

No doubt this was a one off, and my only chance to experience the pleasure his body could so easily bring to my own, but then, that's my life.

I leaned down and kissed his forehead and he smiled and breathed out my name in a way that touched my heart.

_Believe the lie._

_It's a whole lot better than any truth could be._

"I love you, too," I whispered, not even sure it was a complete lie.

Bonnie cried out more loudly and I touched Edward's hand. It was cold. His body had cooled without me lying against it, so I went inside and grabbed a couple of blankets off the furniture in the Family Room.

I tucked him in and kissed his face one last time.

"Edward," I smiled. God, he was beautiful. Not just pretty, truly beautiful. I ran inside and grabbed my cell and threw a quick wave at Bonnie.

"Mommy will be right back, promise."

I don't know how many photos I snapped, but I couldn't help smiling as he curled up into a ball like my daughter did, and I almost expected him to suck his thumb.

"Sleep well, my Prince Charming," I murmured, collecting my cami and trashed sweats. Boy, they'd not stood up to his eager hands, had they? I laughed and decided to keep them anyway. That way,when I looked back and wondered if this had really happened, I would have proof. I could get them out of their hiding place and know this had not been all in my head...

"Mom, mom, mom," my daughter sobbed and I high tailed it inside and grabbed a bottle of formula from the fridge and put it into the bottle warmer.

"Coming, Bonnie. Welcome back to Real Life, Bella."

I wrapped myself in a blanket to cover my nakedness and lifted her onto my lap. I was pretty much blue from the cold, and held her little body tightly, stealing some warmth.

She drained the bottle and refused to settle in the crib so I returned to Edward's room and lay her on his already rumpled bed.

"Shame we didn't bring it inside and do it in here. Then we could have cuddled all night long," I told my daughter. "He's such a nice person. I hope there is no fall out and he doesn't say he regrets last night, in the morning. I don't think Mommy could cope with hearing those words."

If he wanted to be with me again, I would definitely want that as well. If he ignored the whole incident and pretended it never happened...

I knew from the stories my friends had told me over the years that some guys were like that. Open and friendly in bed, cold and distant out.

We'd had no discussion, no agreement.

Fuck, agreements.

I had promised Jasper would be the one to do this, not Edward.

That left me with something of a dilemma. Either I had to tell Jasper the deal was off, and why, or I had to be the one pretending this never happened.

The cold was seeping into my bones.

"Mommy needs some new pajamas," I sighed to Bonnie, and opened Edward's well stocked closet. His track pants were way too long but I wound up the legs and then helped myself to a long sleeved T shirt and laughed as it swamped my body. It held the aroma of him, and like some stalker, I held the fabric to my nose and breathed.

"I remember this. Your Mom was a freak back in High School. Some of the other kids were glue sniffers, but Mom was an Edward sniffer instead. I swear I got just as high as they did. Come on, don't look at me like that. He smelled amazing. Here, smell."

I lay beside her and wrapped my arms around her little body again.

"Now, you have to admit, he smells good, right? The other boys smelled for sure, but not like Edward. He always smelled clean and fresh, like he had just come from the shower. And his hair was always amazing. Not as long as it is now. I remember him moaning to Emmett when they turned up at school with newly shorn locks, and he would get embarrassed and wear this tatty old hand knitted beanie. Like his hair was not always perfect. It suited him short and tidy as well, but he liked it longer.

I must show you the photos of him in our Yearbook. He was the best looking guy at Forks High and there were some really attractive boys there. Emmett hasn't changed, he was always big, and always had those dark curls. They don't look like brothers, but they are. In their hearts, where it counts."

Bonnie yawned rudely and rubbed her eyes.

"I guess you are a little young for this conversation, but one day, Missy. One day you will sit in Biology and hide behind your hair and wish you were pretty enough to grab the attention of that boy beside you. I have his hoodie, you know. I'm never giving it back, not now. I wonder how I can steal this outfit as well? I don't think he would even fit in it. He's a lot better built than he was at school. I guess he was a bit too thin for his height back then, but not now. Did you see those abs? Subtle, strong, just how Mommy likes them. Of course you didn't see them."

My baby girl let her eyes flutter closed and I lay her on my chest and rubbed her back. There was another back I wished I could touch again. Damn, why hadn't that all gone down here, in this bed. Waking up for a single morning in Edward's arms would have been amazing. I would have never asked for anything more.

I slept, eventually, but the ghosts of his arms were still around me as I shut my eyes and replayed every kiss, every touch.

_Let it go, Bella. He's not for you. You have Bonnie, be thankful instead of always wanting more. She is your share of happiness. Enjoy that, and keep this memory alive but don't let it become your main focus. Let it go to the place it should dwell in and don't have expectations, because they always lead to disappointment._

X~x~X

Even so, I couldn't wait to see Edward's face the next morning. He looked incredibly hot, all tousled and his hair was crazy, sticking out, messed up. By me, so that was nice.

He nodded and disappeared upstairs and I heard the shower go on.

"So, that's me washed off him and out of his life," I sighed as I spooned oatmeal into my little girl's mouth. "Now we have the awkward morning after talk but please don't let him say it was all a mistake, God. Anything but that. If that was all he wanted from me,so be it, but please don't let him regret it."

Edward seemed okay at first, then he saw my cursed blushing and he did speak, but the words were neither those I had expected, nor the ones I feared.

At first I felt hurt and insulted that Edward clearly had no memory of what we had done together, but then, as my brain juggled with coping with the shock, plus keeping up the pretence I was concentrating on my daughter's needs right now, I started to realise this actually was a good thing.

I'd feared regrets so much, but Edward would have none. How could he regret something he didn't know he had done? And I had no reason to regret something only I knew had happened.

It was kind of perfect, really.

I'd achieved what I wanted, and Jake was no longer sole occupant of my body, yet I didn't even have to cope with the apparently dreaded morning after talk or worry about whether Edward would call, or if I even wanted him to.

Edward dismissed it as all a dream and I would do the same. It never happened, we just simultaneously experienced the best love making I had ever experienced. I doubted somehow that anyone else would be able to recreate the feelings he had aroused in me with his body.

Then his parents arrived and he fled.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Esme asked as I realised I was staring unseeingly at the blank wall and seeing a re-enactment in my brain.

I shifted uncomfortably on my chair and nodded.

"Hmm, just tired."

I held a cup of coffee in my hand, it seemed, so I sipped and tried to erase the images. It was hardly the time to be remembering Edward thrusting inside me, so hard, so desperately, so exciting my entire body with that strange feeling he had somehow created.

My skin felt a little charred, in fact and I wasn't sure I would ever sit comfortably again. My ladies parts were happy, sure, but also battered and maybe even grazed by the prolonged sex session they were definitely not used to.

"I have to go," I said, standing up. Much as spending more time with Bonnie appealed, I could hardly sit here, with his parents, and relive what he had done to me.

I kissed my daughter and was outside before I realised I had arrived in Edward's car. He'd had someone bring my truck over to Clifftops days ago and so I had the choice of going back inside and asking one of the Cullen's to drive me home, or walk.

It wasn't that far, not if I went through the forest and not along the road that curled and turned on itself so many times it quadrupled the journey. Anyway, now I had time to think, and I could let the memories of last night seep into my brain as I walked.

Fuck me, he had been amazing. I mean, I knew sex was probably different with each different partner you had, but I still assumed it had been pretty good with Jacob and now I had to wonder whether Jake was actually pretty lousy in bed, or whether he was average and Edward was some kind of Sex God.

Jake usually saw to my needs before even entering me, because we both knew I could not climax from penetration. Never had, and I'd assumed, never would.

Yet Edward had lifted me to heights I'd not known were even there. I felt my face redden at my complete abandonment as he had thrust inside me. God, I had acted like some whore. I had ridden him, something else Jake and I never did. We'd just always done what we assumed everyone else did. Girl on her back, man above.

That was sex. That was normal. I'd never straddled his body, never had him sit up and hold me close against his chest, and never, ever even fantasized about being on my hands and knees.

I'd discovered a part of me I never knew existed. Some place deep inside that buzzed and became so needy, so desperate, as Edward hit against it while thrusting. He'd obliged me with his finger but something more had happened. I'd felt two explosions, simultaneously, both out there and deep inside and I swear I was sobbing and shaking as he came inside me. It had been a relief for it to be over, in one way, because I had forgotten to breathe and despite the blinding fireworks, everything had become dark and I'd almost passed out.

It had been so good, so eye opening, that sex could even be that wild. It'd made me scared in fact and I'd needed to pretend I was with somebody who loved me and I loved back, to justify those intense feelings. I didn't want him to remember me as some porn star.

I couldn't have the best sex be a one night stand with an almost stranger. It seemed wrong. I wanted familiar sex, loving sex, with a partner who cared about me. I knew he was faking the feelings but so was I.

I could hardly say the words out loud, that he demanded I did, but fair was fair. I asked him to say them to me, and he had. And he'd even made them sound almost sincere, unlike me.

I'd gotten lost in the whole experience and forgotten who I was and who he was, and that the rest of the world was still there, waiting, watching.

Judging.

_A woman like that doesn't deserve her child back. She spends her nights wrapped in the arms of one man and actually has sex with another. Didn't even bother faking a faint at the shock of what she had done._

Edward had actually lost consciousness and for a minute I'd feared he was dead.

Now that would have been very tricky, explaining to the Coroner.

I cried out and wondered what the Hell had happened to change me from how I had always been with Jacob. Always remained lady like, always allowed him to manually satisfy me before he got his own thrill through fucking. It was all about him, not me. Nice girls didn't insist on the man bringing her over the edge again and again. Nice girls didn't get on their hands and knees and fuck like animals.

Fuck, the memory of him taking me that way.

It had been new and foreign and I hadn't been sure I even wanted him to do that but Hell, now I wanted him to do it again and again.

But that couldn't happen.

Edward had no real interest in me. He was using me as his fantasy, to get him off, like I used him to erase Jake, but it wasn't real. There were no feelings, no love. He'd warned me himself that this was not a good idea. Not the path to choose. I deplored random sex and swore no man would ever have me unless as the result of months of wooing, and we both had to have real feelings and plans for the future, at least. No animalistic fucking for fucking's sake.

Because that was so good. So very good. No, I mean bad, of course. Very very bad and something only bad girls did.

I was so very lucky to have escaped without even Edward knowing what had happened and how I had behaved. With my luck, it was amazing the Children's Services woman hadn't turned up in the middle and even if she had, I wouldn't have let him stop.

How could I? It had been a once in a lifetime experience and the most amazing thing to ever happen to me in my entire life. I wished that made me ashamed of myself, but it didn't.

I made my way through the final strip of jungle and hit the beach.

Jasper was out in the surf, and I returned his happy wave of greeting, and walked towards the line where the water met the sand as he paddled in close and ran out to greet me.

He was all wet and sandy and he shook his hair over me, and leaned in for a kiss.

I jerked back without thinking, causing him to pause and stare at me in alarm.

"What's wrong? What has happened?" he asked in alarm, dropping his board.

"Bella, what the fuck happened to you?"

"Nothing," I denied, keeping back so he wouldn't try again. It just suddenly seemed really wrong to allow his lips to touch mine, after the lips that had bruised and sucked and caressed my lips last night. The passion. God, why had there been so much passion? It had felt like a connection, which it wasn't, of course. It was hormones talking and no doubt my brain had invented the feelings of closeness simply to justify the fact I'd let Edward ram inside me over and over, because without feelings, it was just random sex.

"Don't lie to me," Jasper said softly, taking my face between his hands. "Something happened. Something has you all riled up and torn and guilty. Bella... Bella, you didn't. Tell me you didn't."

"I didn't," I stated flatly, pretending not to understand what he was asking.

"You did. Your eyes are different. So...bright. So alive. Who was he?" he asked quietly.

"Nobody. Not who it should have been," I replied, feeling the tears fall as Jasper's eyes reflected hurt and betrayal. I promised to do that with him, not with Edward. I was going to let Jasper save me, and now I was saved and he would never be inside me.

I think he understood instantly.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me against his wet body and I could feel his heart beating faster.

"You said I could be the one. How did this happen? Who is he? I didn't know you even had other friends here. They never visit."

"I'm sorry," I said but it was a lie. I didn't regret last night, not for a second. I only regretted that what I did had hurt Jasper and spoiled things between us.

"Are you going to see him again? Is it a relationship?" he asked me worriedly.

"Definitely not. I doubt I will ever grace his bed again, but I couldn't help myself and at that moment in time, it did seem he was the answer. I can't explain. I fear falling in love with you, Jasper, because you are so sweet and so kind to me, but we both know this was never going to end well, so it seemed better to let a stranger take care of things. This way, I will never have to watch him with other girls and I already know I was nothing to him, no more than a ship who passed through the night. It was better this way."

"But we can still be friends, right? You will still let me kiss you, and you will still sleep in my bed?' he asked, and I was surprised at the neediness in his voice.

"Maybe. I need to think. I need to process what happened. Jasper, please believe me when I say I never planned for this to happen. It was circumstances. There was alcohol involved," I all but whispered.

"He didn't force himself on you?" Jasper checked.

I shook my head. "I think maybe I initiated everything, I don't remember clearly how it started. But I was willing, Jasper. I wanted him to do it."

"Hey, wait. You left with Edward. Fuck me, was it Edward? He doesn't do this. He has never had a casual hook up. He's more of a virgin than you."

I laughed.

"Edward isn't a virgin. He told me he and Kate had an active sex life and he misses it. I wasn't some kind of villain, stealing his virtue. He'd definitely done that before. A lot, I'm guessing."

"Don't," Jasper replied, stepping back. I was confused at the hurt in his eyes. He stooped and picked up his board and gazed out to sea. "Please don't tell me any details. I can see it was better than you expected. I don't need to hear about how much you loved what he did to you."

"Jasper, what is this?" I asked quietly. "You and I are not a couple. I didn't cheat on you."

"No, you just cheated me out of what was mine by right. I wanted to be the one who helped you. I wanted to make love to you. I've gotten so used to how your body feels against mine already and I was waiting for any sign that you were maybe ready..."

"Sorry," I replied. I was sorry. I never should have done what I did without at least talking about it first, with him.

"I think I need to cool down," he replied, avoiding eye contact now, and turning away from me.

"Jasper, I'm sorry. I want you to remain my friend," I pleaded selfishly. "We were never going to be more than friends anyway. Why does this have to change anything?"

"We'll see," he said, and he kissed my forehead and quickly headed out towards the breakers. I wasn't even sure why he cared what, or who, had happened. We'd only had a plan for a single encounter, and he had plenty of sex buddies already. I was completely replaceable.

He'd been out on a date last night, for God's sake. We all knew how his dates usually ended.

Maybe this one had, maybe it hadn't. Why did it matter what I had done when I didn't care at all whether his bunny of choice had stayed in his bed overnight? No, not overnight, Jas didn't allow that.

Maybe that was the problem. I alone was allowed to sleep over in his bed.

I walked up the shore and opened my apartment and went inside. I'd showered already at the Cullen's but I could still detect a slight aroma about myself. A sniff of sex and Edward. I wished I could bottle it and keep it to pull out and inhale every night before bed, but that was crazy talk. He still smelled the same as at High School. Still smelled fresh and outdoorsy and like someone powdered him with some kind of vanilla based cinnamon.

Maybe a bath was called for. Turning on the taps over the spa bath, I read the instructions about not turning the jets on until they were below the waterline and no bath gels etc. That was a shame, I needed to cover up his smell with another, so I could just treasure last night for what it was, and not pretend it meant anything. I wasn't special, not to any man. I had once thought I was, to Jake, but now I kept thinking about water taking the path of least resistance and about how easy our Dad's had made it for Jake and I to start a sexual relationship. It's one thing to have to sneak around, I'm sure that cools your ardor somewhat, but we had every opportunity. We had night after night where my Dad had winked at Jake as he tossed a blanket and pillow he knew would go unused, onto the sofa and in time, he didn't even keep up that pretense. One day he had renewed all the pillows in the house and my bed had four, instead of the usual two. And the extra two were the firmer versions men chose; the ones Jake preferred.

And my pink bed cover had disappeared and been replaced mysteriously with a neutral beige and autumn toned bed set. Something a man would feel comfortable with.

Something that matched the set on Jacob's own bed.

The men had done their homework and Dad had kitted out my room in the colours Jake preferred.

Naturally he had felt welcome and right at home in there.

I wondered what Charlie would say if he knew what I had done. The man was still grieving over the disappearance of his 'son'; he probably expected me to keep myself for my ex husband in case Jake ever returned to reclaim me, us.

I soaked away the last of Edward and felt my cheeks damp with tears but I wasn't even sure why they had fallen, so I left the tub and wrapped myself in a bath towel and wished Edward's hospitality had included a fully stocked bar.

Changing into my usual sweats and cami, I lay out on the little balcony off my bedroom and let the warm sun filter through onto my skin and watched through almost closed eyes as Jasper surfed. He was angry, that was clear. I had angered him.

I pretended to be asleep when he stomped up into his yard and walked past me. I felt him stop and waited for him to speak, to condemn what I had done. He sighed instead and no doubt shook his head at my reckless behaviour. I may have achieved my goal but I may have lost the best friend I'd had in a long time.

I lay in my cold empty bed that night and wondered for the first time if I could, would I choose to go back to yesterday and erase what happened? Just suck it up and wave goodbye to Bonnie as she left here with Edward?

Was erasing Jacob really as important as hurting Jasper?

I sighed, because nothing would ever be sweet enough to make me do that, even if I could.

My life seemed to be divided into a few meaningful events only. Blythe's birth and death, Bonnie's birth and life , and Edward's night of passion.

Everything else was just filler.

X~x~X

The days were long and lonely, with my neighbour hitting the waves from dawn to dusk, and he didn't even come home to eat. I watched, silently, as he started talking to his girls again and he would leave with them, in their cars and not come back for days but at least he wasn't bringing them home.

I went to visit my daughter on Tuesdays and Fridays but Edward was rarely there for long, always off to the hospital, and clearly nobody in that house had any clue about what had gone down. But then, how could they, when Edward didn't even know?

I breathed in his aroma each time and hoarded it inside me. Even though he had no clue, the way he looked at me in unguarded moments, with such raw longing, warmed my heart.

Each night was getting harder to cope with. Memories flooded my brain the moment I lay down to sleep and my body writhed as it recalled his touch, his clever fingers, his repeated thrusting as he sought to achieve our goals.

Much more than I grieved over Jasper's sudden and complete rejection, I grieved that Edward would never take me like he had again. The damned man had broken the drought and introduced me to far sweeter water than I had ever known, then cut off my supply completely, but not before addicting me to it.

All I wanted to do was sleep, perchance to dream.

Jasper smiled at me one morning as I swept the sand from my path and I smiled back.

"Hey," he said.

"I'm baking today, if you still want a lesson," I said, without eye contact. It was entirely up to him, whether or not we remained friends.

"Hmm, cookies? The chocolate chip type? That aroma seeps into my apartment every time you bake them. Makes my mouth water."

X~x~X

EPOV

Work was busy enough to distract me from the video replaying in my brain most days, and anyway, this was hardly the place to sneak off and relieve the urges that accompanied the fantasy. I took extra shifts, and covered for Carlisle, so he could play pretend Daddy to Bonnie.

Even so, whenever I went there to visit, Bonnie gave me a wide grin and held her hands out to me, no matter who was holding her. Alice moaned if it was her turn to be cuddling the baby and Bonnie indicated play time was over, she wanted me to hold her, but bad luck. Maybe Alice should have stayed home that weekend and helped me with her.

Rose was gone, so Emmett was bugging me to go out with him. It wasn't that he didn't trust himself without his precious Rosie, but he was bored and wanted company.

I went to the bar a few times, and ignored the girls he picked out for me. He sat with his back to the bar and described them in detail and made lewd suggestions about some of them, declaring the girl with Angelina Jolie lips clearly got them not from plastic surgery or fillers, but from a certain activity.

I faced the bar tender and sipped from my glass and refused to be drawn in.

"Edward, take her home. To her house, or to yours and let her get in some practice," he said, raising his eyebrows and doing that wriggle he has perfected.

"I don't do random hook ups. How many times have I told you that?" I replied, both bored and irritated.

"You can't spend the rest of your life with one single notch on your bedpost," he growled.

"Maybe I have already increased that," I said, then pulled back in shock. 'I don't know where that came from."

Emm laughed. "I think I do. All those close encounters of the wet dream kind with a certain young lady, would be my guess."

"Shut up," I growled. I tried to restrict my fantasy private times to when the parents were out on one of their dates, but if Rose wasn't around, Emm tended to come to the house uninvited and sneak out to the pool to see if he could catch me out. He had, several times, as I moaned and invaded Dream Bella in my sleep, while Alice sat inside babysitting the object of my desire's baby daughter.

"Date her. There's never going to be any objection from Children's Services to her dating a doctor, for fucks sake. It'll probably get her a big tick, in fact. Or just fuck her," he suggested, signalling for another round of drinks.

"Emmett, I almost wish I could just throw caution to the wind and be with her. But I don't want to be in another relationship that won't last the distance."

"And why wouldn't it last?" he asked, looking into my eyes, making me squirm.

"I hardly know her and she is interested in Jasper," I sighed.

"And you know this how?" he questioned.

"Her eyes. Have you seen them lately? She's slept with him. You can see it. Her eyes are all awake and shiny and full of hope now. I think she is hoping he will change for her."

"Maybe he will," Emmett replied.

"Don't be stupid, a leopard can't change his spots," I declared.

"This leopard did. The day he met Rosalie Hale. I think Bella is one of those girls. One that makes a man want to change."

"I can see that," I conceded.

"Then get your ass off this bar stool and go woo the girl, before she falls in love with him."

I shrugged. What did I have to lose, really? I was splitting my nights between the parents house, and the on call room, and avoiding having to watch whatever was going on between my tenants, so I had no real clue how far things had progressed.

I parked and walked into the common hallway just as Jasper opened Bella's back door and walked out.

"Hey," I said, and I stopped in shock at the glare on his face. I hadn't realised my intention was so obvious. It was my building, and I hadn't asked for an update of my tenants complaints for weeks, it was perfectly reasonable for me to be here.

"So, you used her and tossed her aside. Nice one," he growled.

"Used who? Tanya?" I replied, not sure why he cared. He had never liked her. Why this indignation now?

"Not that bitch. Bella."

"Bella? I have never touched Bella," I denied, feeling my cheeks darken with blood. It wasn't what he was concluding. It was merely guilt about the fantasy. That wasn't really using a girl, surely.

I turned at the sound of a third person joining us and Bella stood there silently and I felt a shiver go down my spine. Damn, she was beautiful. I felt myself step to her side and my arm ignored my brain and slid around her shoulders. She looked up at my face and smiled and I had to control the urge to kiss her.

"Go on, kiss her," Jasper growled, reading my mind or maybe my body language. "She won't let me kiss her now."

I don't know why she even let me but I knew the look in her eyes and I took his challenge and caught her lips in mine. She responded in a way that was almost familiar.

Jasper scowled and walked towards his own apartment.

"Get a room," he snarled and slammed his door.

"Come inside," Bella invited and I trailed behind her and wondered what was going on.

"What's up with Jasper?" I asked her, confused. Bella sat down on the sofa and patted the place beside her.

I sat and faced her.

"He knows I want you," she replied. "It bugs him because I agreed to that deal with him then backed out, because I would feel like I was cheating on you."

"Oh," I replied, still confused.

"We should go on a date," she said and I was baffled. Were my intentions tattooed on my forehead?

"That's why I am here, actually. Would you like to go out on a date with me?"

"Sure. I'll go get ready. Where are we going? What should I wear?" she asked.

I was thrown, I hadn't actually meant tonight. We may not get in at the only restaurant in town. Alice was babysitting so our parents could go to some couples 40th wedding anniversary event there. Then I remembered the staff at work were having a bonfire on the beach tonight. I had been invited, even though I rarely socialised with them.

"Wear something warm. We are going to a cookout on the beach."

She was back in a flash, before I even got through looking at the photos she had framed and hung on the wall. So many of her with a little girl who was like Bonnie but different all the same.

Blythe. The child I had never met but my father had been part of the team treating her, I now knew. There was even a photo of him holding her. And Rose. Looking so very un-Roselike.

Beaming at the child in her arms, so foreign to the haughty Rose we lived with.

I glanced at a photo of me. I guess my Mom had snapped it and handed it on to Bella, but there was something about the photo that made me pause. Mom couldn't have taken that, it was taken the night Bella slept over.

I took the frame from the wall and stared at it.

That night was both clear and cloudy in my brain. I knew it had been one of the best nights of my life, maybe the very best, but why eluded me.

Bella stepped back into the room and I turned and put the photo down on the sideboard as I took her in. Her eyes were shining and although she just had on jeans and a figure hugging sweater, I felt drawn to her like a magnet.

I approached her and took her hand and kissed her fingers.

"You look amazing," I murmured, touching her hair and moving it from her shoulder so I could see her slim pale throat better. I didn't know what had come over me but I had to nuzzle that throat and I leaned in and did just that. The buzz started and I stepped back in shock. It had only happened that once before. Never in the dreams that followed.

"We could just stay in. Stay here," she said blushing madly.

"Bella, I don't do hook-ups, you know that."

She smirked and shook her head, laughing.

"Of course you don't."


	7. Chapter 7

Paying The Piper

Chapter 7

BPOV

I walked quickly into my bedroom and screamed silently. A date with Edward. Out of the blue, here he was, asking me out. I refused to even decipher what it meant when a guy came knocking and asked you out with no warning. Maybe it just meant he was spontaneous.

I had one decent pair of jeans and a brand new homemade sweater. Let's face it, I'd spent a lot of nights alone after Jasper had his little tantrum, and had knitted both Bonnie and myself new sweaters, then somehow the last of the midnight blue yarn ended up being knitted into a beanie. An Edward sized beanie.

I stuffed it into the pocket of my coat and went back, almost afraid he might have changed his mind and gone, but no, there he was. Looking at my photos.

"So, I hear the latest interview went well," he said as he started the engine.

"Who knows?" I replied. "She sits there and asks questions and ticks the boxes when I answer, but I can't tell if I'm doing well or failing. Your Mom always says these sessions are going well, but I guess the powers that be like to keep me in suspense and don't want to get my hopes up."

"Do you feel ready to have her back?" Edward asked.

"Sure. I really do. I appreciate the time I've had to get my head back where it should be, but now it just seems cruel, keeping us apart. What is the point? I have a job, a home, friends. What more do I have to achieve to be worthy again?"

"Never doubt your self worth. You are a great mother, I've seen that for myself. Let's go somewhere this weekend, the three of us. I have three days off. We could have some fun with Bonnie and give Esme a break, not that she wants one. Bella, are you going to stay around Forks in the future? When you have regained custody and Big Brother stops checking up?"

"Sure, I like it here. It's my home," I answered. I had no idea what Edward had planned for tonight, apart from the barbecue, but my own plans were crystal clear. I wanted to experience the joy his body had brought mine once again.

He parked and appeared by my door so fast I hadn't even started to open it myself and I stepped out and wondered whether to kiss his cheek in appreciation. He frowned and looked a little shocked when I did follow my instinct. Damn, this was difficult. Only I knew how good we could be together, but tonight, by the time we finished, he would know as well. Maybe he would even remember.

Maybe the familiar feel of the things he was doing to me would trigger some memory in his brain. I could but hope.

"And this is Stacey, one of the wonderful nurses who keeps us on our toes, and covers up when we make a mistake," Edward was saying as he introduced me around the gathering. Some of the girls smiled openly at me but some scowled and didn't even try to pretend they saw me as anything but an interloper.

"Oh, and this is Jane," he said, waving in the direction of the girl giving me the strongest death glare.

"Charmed, I'm sure," she gushed in that unmistakable way that left me in no doubt what she was really saying was _Die, now. Fuck off and leave my property alone, Bitch._

"It's so nice to meet you Jane. Your name isn't familiar to me, I don't think Edward has ever mentioned you to me," I replied, inferring he had held many intimate conversations, maybe in bed, but he had never let her cross his mind.

"Aren't you married, with a sick kid?" Jane replied. "I seem to remember your face."

"I'm divorced, with a healthy daughter," I said quietly.

"Oh, so on the prowl for a new Baby Daddy," she said slyly.

"Well, Jane, as always it's great chatting to you. Bella, come find a spot near the fire so we don't freeze," Edward interjected. He hurried me away and sat us down on a fallen log, and he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close to his body.

"I wish I'd thought to bring a blanket. It's colder than I realised," he said, smiling as one of the girls handed him two plastic cups with something pale and fizzy.

I sipped from the one he handed me and wondered how something this mellow and obviously expensive liked being served up in a takeaway cup. It should be in crystal, at least. I had never tasted good wine before but this was it.

"I have a spare picnic rug in the car," the girl said, and disappeared into the night. I watched her warily as she walked back but she was clearly interested in the doctor with the dark hair, not Edward. She smiled coyly at the man cooking the meat on a portable grill, and I grinned as her ass wriggled as she passed him, and he kept his eyes on her rather than the steak.

"That's burning," a tall skinny boy pointed out, and the doctor hurriedly plated the meat and Edward handed me a plate. The females had provided the salads and bread and the sight of the various desserts on the other table already had me salivating. Chocolate mousse pie, cheesecake, some type of meringue topped fruit pie.

"Sorry for not contributing, the next barbecue will be on me," he announced and his colleagues cheered. He piled my plate with almost as much food as he placed on his own.

"Good to see you finally want to socialise with us lowly workers," Jane all but hissed.

"And one wonders why he avoids us," a blond male nurse sighed. "Jane, stop being a bitch. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Didn't your Mommy ever tell you that? Loosen up and pretend to be nice and maybe some man will take a chance on you."

"I don't need a man to validate me," she spat back.

"Just as well then," he replied, turning away and nuzzling the throat of a pretty redhead. She seemed into him but still, she was casting the occasional glance at Edward and I had a feeling she would swap him, Riley, for my companion if she could.

"I think the pretty girl with the red curls has a thing for you," I whispered to Edward. He frowned and looked over at her. The steak was perfect, despite the charring; still pink inside and so tender. Nothing but the best for this group.

"Victoria? She and Riley are fuckbuddies. He is into her but she's totally using him. He's convenient and never fights her. She likes sex and he likes her, so he accepts that's all she wants from him and takes the scraps. It's easy to fall into the trap of letting sex be enough."

"Are you still missing Kate?" I asked, and Edward laughed.

"I can honestly say I have not given her a thought in weeks. My mind has been elsewhere. I have finally closed that door, and I don't feel any regret, surprisingly. Things that are done need to be left in their proper place, in the past. I'm more interested in the future. I like you Bella. I want us to get to know one another through and through and maybe, who knows? I admit I would like to explore the idea that one day we could be a couple."

One day.

Not tonight, then.

Not unless I found a way to speed things along.

"Hey Edward, Bella, feel like something stronger to go with your meal?" a man asked, holding up two bottles. Johnny Walker and Southern Comfort.

"SoCo and Coke, please," I answered. Just the ingredient I needed to get me some more Edward loving. Alcohol, and lots of it. I would go easy so I could drive us home later, but I would be pouring as many drinks down Edward's throat as I could manage. The man had a whole crate of various spirits, he could keep them coming all night. Edward walked over and came back with two large glasses of Cola. He sniffed them and handed me one, which should have alerted me to the fact only one contained alcohol, and that would be mine.

"Cheers," I said, drinking down half the contents and feeling it warm my blood instantly.

"Hey, take it easy. Marcus tends to be a little heavy handed with the alcohol," Edward warned.

"Here's to Marcus and his heavy hand," I replied, raising my glass to the blond man who laughed and sipped straight from the bottle of scotch.

Damn, I wish Edward had his own bottle of Jack or whatever.

Throughout the evening, Edward kept us supplied with drinks but it seemed to me he wasn't falling into that relaxed state drinkers did. When he excused himself to go visit the Men's Room in the beachside facilities, I went to Marcus myself and smiled at him winningly.

"Maybe you spice up Edward's drink a little more, he is still stone cold sober," I said, aware I wasn't.

"Not surprising, seeing he is drinking Virgin Coke," Marcus replied. "He is on call, you won't get anything past his lips. I was surprised he had the one glass of white wine. You must be a bad influence on him."

"I wish," I said, slumping to the sand beside him. "I'd really like to badly influence him into my bed tonight."

Marcus laughed. "You and half the girls here," he replied, waving his bottle around at the group of single girls sitting together by the bonfire, talking together amongst themselves but most were looking in the direction that Edward would return.

"Don't worry. He never dates his fellow workers, much to their disappointment. He likes to keep his workplace free of complications and distractions. Jane's livid. I won't be surprise if she quits and becomes a checkout chick or something equally below her idea of herself just to try and force his hand, but he doesn't like her."

"How about Victoria?" I questioned. I believed Edward, but the woman was rather stunning and many of the men here tonight were shooting lustful glances her way.

"Nope, he scarcely knows she exists, as anything but an amazing doctor. He admires her work ethic and her skill, but he has never spoken to her in the way she wishes he would," Marcus smirked.

"Hmm," I replied, sipping my new drink thoughtfully. "I couldn't bribe you to add a little something to Edward's glass, then?"

"Nope. That would be irresponsible of me. He's got Friday off. You could take him out to dinner Thursday night and get him hammered. He knows he has three days to recover, so he will be more relaxed."

"Cool, thanks," I replied. So, no drinking tonight, therefore no Edward loving.

"Hey, sex is allowed, even when we are on call. It won't blight his senses, though maybe you are a little dangerous for him. The way he looks at you, he's clearly besotted. Maybe you scare him a little? Maybe he's worried if he lets you take an inch you'll want the whole penis," he laughed.

I laughed back, but he could be right. Edward had evaded my hands and when I'd placed one innocently on his thigh, he had picked it up and kissed my knuckles instead. I was sure he liked me and felt the attraction that flowed back and forth between us, but he was keeping me in my place and not allowing any overtly sexual touches.

Suddenly he was there at my side and he shook his head at Marcus' offer of another drink.

"Bella, want to come for a walk along the shoreline?" he asked and I nodded and scrambled to my feet. The sand swayed and tried to rush up to meet me and Edward grabbed my arm more firmly.

"Time to cut you off," he laughed, kissing my cheek. Damn, I wanted so much more than this little sign of affection.

He handed my cup to Marcus and led me along the edge of the water, and I pretended it was the unevenness of the ground making me sway, not the multiple SoCo's that I had consumed for nothing.

Edward sang softly under his breath as we walked, and he supported my weight with one arm effortlessly.

"We just need to walk this off before we go home. I don't want Jasper accusing me of getting you drunk and taking advantage of you."

"I wouldn't mind," I replied hurriedly. "You could do that. I wouldn't be angry in the morning."

"Bella, that sort of act is deplorable. Taking advantage of someone who has drunk too much. That's not informed consent, by any means. I would never do that and have no respect for anyone else who does. It probably explains a lot of the mindless rutting some people do together. A few drinks and someone gets the idea they can take advantage and have their way with them.

Why is alcohol any more respectable than other drugs? If we saw Victoria spiking Riley's drink we'd stop her, but there she goes, pouring Jack down his throat so he won't resist tonight when she takes him home to her bed. He knows better when he's sober, and holds her at arm's length unless she agrees to dinner and dancing first so he can pretend they are really dating. He wants a real relationship with her but that's not on her agenda. She openly flirts with me in front of him but once she accepts I am not going to ever want her, she has no conscience about letting liquor get him to a state where he won't resist and will be my substitute."

I felt ill suddenly. Hadn't I done just that myself? I knew he was out of it that night, out by the pool and I had taken advantage. I had the feeling if Edward ever found out, he would lump me in the same group as Victoria, as a person who had no scruples.

I bit my lip and wished he had been sober and still wanted me. I knew the alcohol had exposed how much Edward had desired me, and Edward had consumed enough that night to not know what was really happening and to go along with it.

Then he had dismissed it as a dream.

It still stung on some level. I treasured that night, he thought he imagined it.

I wanted a replay, he wanted to take things slow and do it properly, but honestly, I knew I was capable of falling in love with him whichever way we went. I'd prefer him in my bed, pleasing my body as we got to know one another on every level. To me, waiting seemed pointless because we would still arrive at the same destination.

Edward wanted the slow and safe journey and I wanted the wild and reckless ride.

"Okay, I guess we could talk and answer a few questions while you sober up," he smirked.

"Favorite colour?"

"Copper," I answered immediately. "Or maybe green. Emerald green."

"Okay. I'm assuming you mean my hair and eyes. I don't really like brown eyes, you know. They are usually so closed off, and don't give any insight to what the person is thinking, but both you and Bonnie have such expressive eyes. So deep and so revealing."

"I have no secrets," I replied. "I wear my heart on my sleeve and everyone can see it."

"Bella, you don't want to confuse gratitude for something more. I'm happy to help you get Bonnie back. You don't owe me anything. I would never tale advantage of you or your situation."

"No, you wouldn't," I growled.

"Hey, you already went down that road with Jasper. Didn't that teach you that lust without love is not worth the journey? Wait for something more, Bella. You had Jacob's heart and if you remember how things were with Jake before all the bad stuff happened, you must want to feel those feelings again?

Not just satisfy your lust. You can't tell me that sleeping with Jasper brought you two closer. You wouldn't be here with me now, making it clear you want to sleep with me if it triggered anything with him. Learn from that. Wait and see if there is something here between us. Don't kill it by rushing in. I want you, I admit that, but we have to wait and do it right. If we are meant to be together, I want our first time to be incredible and special and something we will remember for the rest of our lives."

Right. Not something one forgot and dismissed as a dream. Got it.

"You are probably right. I'm just so impatient. I want to have a life again. A real life, with a man who loves me and I love back, and my baby in my own house. I want to have a family again," I admitted. "I know this is the very worst thing to say on a first date and if you run away screaming, then it's my fault. But I hate being alone, Edward."

"So do I, Love. But lust is not a pathway to love. Once we feel both, our lives will be amazing. I don't even think the journey will take that long, Bella. I think about you all the time. Not just...I mean...I do fantasize about being with you and you know that but there's more. I wonder about what sort of home you would want, if you'd want another house or would want to stay in my apartment. I wonder what colours you would paint the rooms, and what curtains you'd choose. I wonder if you even like my furniture or if you'd choose new things.

I eat lunch and wonder what you are eating. I wonder if you like to cook, or just do it from necessity. I don't know any of these things about you and I want to. I thirst to know you completely , just as I crave feeling you in my arms. I want you Bella, but I want all of you. And I want you with no alcohol involved.

I will never take advantage, I swear. I just wouldn't ever do that. My soul is at stake here. I want us to be together in the purest way. Not in some drunken haze. That would be the opposite of what I want for us."

"I think you should take me home now," I choked. If he ever found out...

No more drinking. No more pawing him or trying to seduce him. I would wait and I would somehow make that night into what he thought it was.

A fantasy.

It never happened.

It never existed.

X~x~X

"Poor little Bella," Jasper crooned, holding his icepack on my forehead. Edward had delivered me safely home and cursed as his pager rang insistently.

Car wreck on the highway, four passengers injured. It could have been us if I had been able to convince Marcus to spike Edward's drinks.

He'd already told me he was staying the night here with me, just to make sure I was okay and wouldn't choke or anything from all the booze but he had to go so he had reluctantly woken Jasper and asked him to take care of me instead.

Jasper had held my hair as I honoured the Porcelain God, and had washed me clean in my shower and dried my body and carried me into my bed, then he had curled up beside me, but above the covers.

It seemed everyone had better morals than me. Nobody took advantage of Drunk Bella, even though Jasper's eyes revealed he wanted to. It still rankled Jasper, that he had not gotten to sleep with me, even if Edward assumed things had gone that far.

No, he had laid beside me and rubbed my back and replaced wet compresses on my forehead all night long and had not even muttered a single word of disappointment or condemnation for my state.

"He would hate me if he knew," I muttered in the early morning as the sun seeped into my bedroom.

"What? Why?" Jasper laughed. "It wasn't a crime. It was just a bit of fun. You are starting to sound like him. You didn't rape him, Bella."

I sighed and wondered if I had? Where did that line even lie? He'd reached for me, I'd gone to him. I'd been a little drunk too, but nothing compared to the state he was in. I had been the one who could have, should have, stood back and made a decision that what was about to happen was stupid and wrong.

My body had so craved the intimate touch of a man I had not thought it through. I hadn't considered what harm we could have done.

"Oh God, just let me die," I pleaded. My head pounded and my stomach felt like it had been filled with burning acid and then that acid had burned it's way out via my throat and mouth.

"I have to clean my teeth," I moaned.

"Come on then, I can help you," Jasper replied, and I leaned on the basin for support as he washed my toothbrush and added toothpaste before handing it to me.

"God, I feel so bad. I know I'm not dead because I feel like shit," I moaned and slowly scrubbed my tongue and teeth.

The action made me gag and I paused as Jasper grinned in the mirror and put the icepack on the back of my neck.

"All this and you didn't even get him drunk. "

"Don't," I cried out. "It wouldn't have worked, or worse, if it had, and he was aware... he'd hate me, Jas, like he will hate me if he ever remembers."

"One day that boy will loosen up and thank you for increasing his number to two. God, two. I had two my first time. Cindy and Patty. Best friends, and they both wanted me so who was I to disappoint? It made for a memorable first time. I mean, I remember it still, despite the many others, so it was special," he smirked.

"Jasper, you are a whore," I replied.

"Yes, but a whore who never had to get anyone drunk so I could have my way with them," he winked.

I wished I had a better memory of that night, of how it started to be precise. I had gone to find Edward and I hadn't intended sleeping with him, had I? I don't think so.

I'm pretty sure that only happened because he offered.

But, extenuating circumstances, he had already told me he didn't do random one night stands.

I knew, and I jumped his bones anyway.

I was a bad person.  
>Maybe I didn't deserve the pretty life I wanted anyway. Maybe Bonnie was better off with Esme, who didn't take advantage of men.<p>

"Sometimes you just have to do what gets you through the night," Jasper said. "It was almost the anniversary, I think anyone would forgive you your misstep."

"I got through that anniversary without alcohol or taking advantage of anyone," I reminded him. I'd spent a long, pain filled day with Billy Black and we'd both kept looking at the door, wondering if this day would flush out Jacob. Surely he would want to spent this hideous day with the ones who lost her as well.

But no, Jacob had not returned.

Billy has cried, right there in front of me and I had almost hated Jacob.

He'd deserted me, but that's what spouses did, I knew that already. But he had devastated his own father, the man who loved him more than his own life and I was no substitute, not for Jake. Billy clung to me because I was all there was. Not enough, but something.

He loved Bonnie, maybe more than anyone else did, to be honest. She was his real link to Jake. She was his flesh and blood, even diluted as that blood was by my own blood. He had never held Bonnie responsible for Blythe's death.

To Billy, each baby was a new member of their tribe and precious automatically, no matter why she had been conceived.

He sometimes said hopefully that maybe Blythe had come back to us, her spirit in Bonnie's shell, but I knew that wasn't true. The girls were so different. Even though Rose loved Bonnie, it was not in the same obsessive way she had adorned my first daughter.

Bonnie wasn't Blythe.

"Come on, the surf is calling," Jasper declared, handing me a bottle of cold water."Maybe some salt air will brace you and make you feel better."

I sat on the sand and watched him run into the sea, so happy and free, so enviable. Gradually more people arrived and someone put one of those old fashioned boom boxes on a towel and it pumped out some obnoxious sound that apparently passed as music. The beat of the rap slapped against my skull and I stood and walked away, needing to escape the pain it was causing.

The clifftops looked safe and welcoming and I climbed up and walked along the top, then sat down and let my legs hang over the very edge. Jasper was a dot in the sea below, and as I brooded, the thought that maybe the world was better off without me entered my head.

My husband had run away from me, my daughter wasn't safe in my hands, I took advantage of drunk men who wanted to remain unsullied, and I'd even let Jasper down. He had forgiven me and come back to be my friend but I knew I was a burden to him.

I looked down at the rolling waves below and felt that urge one felt when up high, looking down.

It would be so easy to just give in to it, and fall.


	8. Chapter 8

Paying The Piper

Chapter 8

"Hey Bella," a soft voice beside me said, shaking me. I turned and faced Esme as she squatted beside me. "Maybe you could shift back a bit away from the edge," she suggested kindly.

"It's quite hypnotic, looking down at the sea," I replied. "It seems so appealing. One false move and a splash and then eternal rest. No more Children's Services, no more questions and answers and failings."

"But it's not the answer. I know. I sat exactly here, where you are, once. I was lucky. Carlisle was scuba diving below, unbeknown to me and he pulled me up to the surface and out of the water. It's not the solution. The loss of our baby seemed overwhelming and he was all I could think about. When I got home and realised what I had tried to do, I saw how selfish the idea had been."

"I'm never going to see Blythe again, Esme. It's more than I can stand, sometimes."

"I know Bella, I understand. But your girls need you. Bonnie needs her Mommy to care for her and Blythe needs you to remember her. She'll always be alive while you remember her, Bella. If not you, who will?"

"Do you think I will ever get Bonnie back?" I asked forlornly.

"That's why I came looking for you. Children's Services came today to see me. They wanted to know if I wanted to take in another baby, seeing Bonnie is about to be returned to her mother. They will be looking for you and it's probably best they don't find you sitting on a clifftop."

"Really?" I exclaimed. That was different. If they really were ready to give me my baby back, I had every reason to live.

"Really. So, let's go back to your house and make sure you have everything you will need. I hope you will come visit us still and please feel free to ask us to babysit any time, day or night.

We are all going to miss having her in our family, but especially Edward, seeing she sleeps on his chest most nights. I hope we haven't created a problem there, by letting her get used to that."

"You could always give me Edward, and his chest," I replied.

Esme smiled then laughed out loud. "I think it is pretty safe to say Edward would be the first to volunteer. I don't know if he could sleep without her nestled there any more, either. They have become dependant on one another. Carlisle misses her but she always chooses Edward's chest. I guess she likes him best of all."

"My daughter has good taste," I answered candidly.

"I won't embarrass either of us by discussing what the ideal outcome would be," she said with a smile. "He would be an excellent father, given the chance. Do you want to have more children in the future?"

"Are you interviewing me for the opening of your future daughter-in-law?" I joked.

"Of course," she replied. "I don't think he will need any encouragement from me. How did your date go last night? Edward didn't come home, so I'm hoping that means it went well."

"He got paged and had to go help out in ER," I replied. "Sadly. He had planned on staying over. Not in the way you might assume, just to take care of Drunken Bella. I don't usually drink. In fact, I wish I hadn't bothered last night."

"And today you are paying for it. I don't drink myself. It affects me the same way. Makes me maudlin and tricks me into thinking things are so bleak and won't get better, but they do."

"Would it shock you to know, meeting Edward again has completely changed the way I feel about Jake deserting me? It seemed like the worst thing that could happen, apart from losing Blythe of course, but now it feels like he freed me to meet Edward. Is it shocking that I already care more about Edward than I ever cared about the man I married? And as Edward likes to point out, we barely know one another. So how can that be?"

"Maybe you just know. I knew. I was engaged when I met Carlisle and I thought I was doing what I wanted, but he merely sat beside me at a hockey game, and we talked, and after it finished he invited me to dinner. I didn't think twice, I went with him without even calling my new fiance. To tell you the truth, I don't think I gave that poor man a thought. Carlisle took me to Port Angeles to eat and we ended up back here on the beach, dancing in the moonlight and I forgot to go home and attend my own engagement party. I guess that said it all."

"Seriously?" I laughed. "You did have it bad. Was Carlisle aware?"

"Of course not, is any man? It was extremely frustrating, in fact. We met for lunch the next day and I told him the story about were I should have been and he tried to back off and not come between Charles and I. Like he hadn't blown that relationship straight to Hell already. I had faced Charles and wondered what I had ever seen in him in the first place. He had all this jet black hair and brown eyes, and I knew blond with bright blue eyes was my favourite combination. It never had been before, but Carlisle was suddenly my ideal man.

I had to fight him. I had to convince him he had not stolen me. You can't steal a heart that's not willing to be stolen. He was my life, from that day onwards and he insisted we waited before we became a couple, and stayed apart for the respectful time span apparently needed between one relationship and another.

I would have gladly married him that night on the beach and spent the honeymoon getting to know all about him. I already knew everything necessary. I knew I was in love with him, in a way I had never been in love before, and all I could think of was him, and his hands. He has very gentle hands. No man had ever touched me like he had. I was a proper decent young girl who had never dreamed of sleeping with anyone before marriage but Carlisle changed me into someone who felt the strongest desire to be with her man now she had found him. He gave in eventually and we married five months later, and the actual 'honeymoon' preceded the wedding but I couldn't wait any longer, it already seemed like five months of wasted time to me. Our son arrived roughly nine months later. Who knows when he was conceived? The best night of our lives, or the wedding night a week later?"

"So, it's a Cullen thing," I declared. "God, I keep forgetting he is not your child by birth."

"Edward is our son, make no mistake about that. I think of him and Emmett and Alice as simply mail sent to he wrong address initially, then redirected to where they were meant to be in the first place. You can't deny Edward looks exactly like our son physically, and Emmett has Carlisle's sense of humour, and Alice is my daughter. People worry too much about biology. Those three are Cullen's through and through."

"You are right," I agreed. Biology didn't count for much in my situation. Edward already loved Bonnie in a way her own Father had not even tried to. She was more his child than Jake's.

" They have this magnetism and ability to make you long to be with them from the first 'Hello'. God, Esme, how do I cope and not come across as some slapper? All I dream about is Edward touching me..." I bit off the last word, the 'again', in case that would be too much information. She was his mother, after all.

"Bella, once you sleep with him, if he is anything like his father, you may as well give up looking and just wait for him to get there mentally. There's no point searching further. You will always compare every other man to Edward."

"And find them lacking," I replied. So, Jake was probably pretty average in bed, it was Edward that had moved the goal posts.

Esme grinned and I had the feeling she knew, already, anyway.

"He doesn't remember. He was so drunk he thought it was a dream," I explained.

Esme just about rolled about on the ground with laughter.

"Oh, so the alcohol last night was just a way to get him back into your bed again," she chortled. "They are very addictive, the Cullen men. I had a feeling something happened. It was when Carlisle and I left Bonnie with him for that weekend, wasn't it? He hasn't relaxed since. He got rid of that totally unsuitable Tanya without a second thought, even though we had tried to get him to wake up and see he didn't even like her, for months. You arrive and it's suddenly all over, just like that. It's like he knows something happened but isn't sure what it could have been. He's been so restless. I swear, if not for your daughter, he wouldn't sleep at all. She calms him down and soothes him."

"But he is the one calling the shots. He wants us to take it slowly and really know one another first, before we make love for what he thinks will be the first time."

"So like his father. Always wants to do everything the right way. The way polite society dictates. Good luck changing his mind."

"But you managed. You seduced Carlisle before your wedding."

"Alcohol was involved, Bella. I hate to admit it but I had to lower his defences. Sometimes there are things a girl just has to do to show her man she is what he needs and desires. Edward knows, don't doubt that, he just thinks he has to do everything in proper order. He thinks he will sully you if he doesn't stick to the rules. He can't see that once you Know, it's going to end the same way anyway."

"I know, I keep thinking that. We could do this the slow, boring way or we could throw caution to the wind and enjoy the experience so much more," I sighed. "Of course I want to know what he likes, and whose music he listens to and what his favourite meal is, but I'm going to find those things out anyway. Why make them the focus, when he could whisper the answers to me in pillow talk? Is our relationship truly going to be any stronger because I know he loves roast duck?"

We both laughed and I felt like I had found a true friend in Esme. She understood, and didn't condemn me for lusting after her son. She knew I had the feelings necessary already and she sympathised.

"Edward says he loves you, repeatedly, every night in his dreams, if that helps," she stated. "The feelings are there for him as well, and the desires. If he doesn't hurry up and make a move on you, we will have to get his bathroom soundproofed."

"Or kick him out. Tell him to go live in his own apartment. At least we will be in the same building."

"That might be useful. I'll tell him I am redecorating his old bedroom. That I need it for a playroom for the next foster kids."

"Good plan. So, the love, the lust, all the ingredients are already in place, how do we coax him to make the cake? Mix the batter?" I sighed.

"I don't know, but when you work it out, please leave Bonnie with us for that night," she replied.

I couldn't help laughing.

"Mmm, better a baby doesn't have to hear her Mother in that state," I agreed.

"I knew. The moment I came downstairs to hand Bonnie to you that first day, Edward's eyes had changed. And he looked like he wanted to carry you away and protect you from the rest of the world. He doesn't see himself as a knight in shining armour, but it's been killing him, thinking you and Jasper were together. I'm guessing nothing happened there?"

"Nope," I agreed. "That was madness, anyway. I can't explain myself to you, I can't even explain myself to me. I just wanted Jake eliminated. At times I think if he shows up I will tear him limb from limb. Other times I think I will ignore him in the street and pretend I don't know him. The only thing I know for sure is, whatever we had is gone. There's no way I could ever trust him again or rekindle the feelings that I had. It's funny. Edward thinks Jake and I were some amazing love match. I can now see it would not have mattered, whoever Charlie made all the concessions to would have been the one I married. I didn't know feelings like this, what I feel now, existed.

It could have been Mike Newton, had Dad decided he could sleep over and spend whatever time he wanted with me. It could have been Eric or Tyler. How I felt about them personally didn't matter that much. It was the complete freedom I loved. Dad offered me two paths, and one was so easy, and the other so hard, it's not surprising Jake and I just went along for the ride.

As soon as we were tested, the truth came out. We didn't have what it took to survive the first hurdle."

"The death of a much loved child is one heck of a hurdle, Bella."

"It started long before Blythe died. Jake was never there for me. He blamed me for her getting ill in the first place. If I'd breastfed longer, if I'd eaten organic food while pregnant, if I'd taken supplements and jogged, for God's sake. Everything I had done had been wrong. I was terribly sick with morning sickness and could barely eat for weeks and he even decided that had been my way of 'punishing' the baby for making me ill. She hurt me so I starved her."

"Gosh, I can't imagine what that was like for you. Carlisle has never blamed me for losing our son. From the start, he accepted sometimes bad things just happen to good people. He has always had this sadness around him when he feels a little down, and I know when anything adverse happens, he is thinking of our baby.

Mostly he sees the positive. He knows we would have never found our other three children if Carl Mason had lived."

"Carl Mason. I get the Carl, but where did the Mason come from?"

Esme smiled.

"Carlisle wanted to name our baby after us both. A girl was easy...Carlie Esme. A boy, not so easy. My name started out as a male name, you know. The female form is actually Esmee.

Anyway, we decided no self respecting male would want to be Carl Esme so Carlisle decided...Esme...Ezmay...May...son of May...Mayson...Mason.

When we struggled through our loss and came out the other side somewhat, we had a second blow. I couldn't have another child. The birth had caused a little fever and infection that seemed nothing at the time. At first we had this perfect baby and he became our whole world for those few hours. Then he died. You know what it's like. Your baby dies, you don't start whinging about a little fever. If anything, you hope it's fatal and will kill you. It didn't kill me but it did wreck everything. By the time they paused from treating my mental state and checked on my physical state, the damage was done."

"If that had happened to me..." I panicked. "God, if I hadn't been pregnant with Bonnie..."

I glanced at the water below. I would never have even paused to think. I would have gratefully taken that step.

"Not surprisingly, I dreamt about Carl Mason and saw him start to grow and age and he was completely real in here, in my heart and head. I loved sleeping, because in my dreams I was with him. I was at this beach right here one day and an old man was sitting here with an easel, drawing. He asked me who the child in my heart was, and I told him.

He drew a sketch and it was exactly the toddler I dreamed about. Right down to the copper ringlets and the emerald green eyes that my father had, and I inherited a weaker version of.

I framed that sketch and hung it on the wall in the spare bedroom of our new house. We had moved houses so we could have a fresh start.

I used to sit in that room and look at that sketch and talk to it like it was my Carl Mason."

I nodded, I understood. I talked to Blythe's doll for months after my daughter left.

"One afternoon, Carlisle came home and was all fidgety and finally he told me about this little boy whose parents were about to lose custody. The woman had overdosed and was in a vegetative coma and her partner was in jail, for maybe twenty years if he didn't get parole.

The paramedics had brought the boy in with her because there was nobody else to leave him with and Carlisle had taken the baby into his office until Children's Services were able to get there. As always, they had few staff and too many caseloads.

He couldn't do anything for the woman, her brain was pretty much fried, but he felt this connection to the little boy."

"Edward?" I asked with a smile.

"Edward. He was so charismatic even then. They'd asked Carlisle if he could admit him overnight, just until someone could collect him. My husband had a better idea. He brought him home with him. Edward was curled up on the sofa. He'd fallen asleep in the car. I told Carlisle to get him out of my house. I wasn't nearly ready to love another child. Edward woke up and reached his hands out to me, silently. Bella, **he** was the child in the sketch. It's hard to explain to most people, but you will understand. I knew he wasn't Carl Mason but I also knew he was my son."

"So, you kept him."

"I, we, had no choice. Carlisle called in every favour anyone ever owed him and had people in high places speak up for us and we adopted Edward when his father died in a prison riot. We had been happy just fostering, but Edward was three by then, and he wanted to be a Cullen.

He insisted he was our child, and he wanted our name. Another thing, his names are Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. It's like Fate decided long ago he was ours, and although Elizabeth Masen gave birth to him, she did it because I couldn't. Does this sound crazy?"

"Does Fate sending me Edward to be Bonnie's father sound crazy? He may not know it yet, but she is his child. Jake may have created her, but he did that because Edward was not where he should have been. At my side, as my husband."

Anyone else would have called the Special Rest Hospital but Esme just smiled and nodded her head.

"Esme, I'm not seventeen. I'm not a child. I'm ready for an adult relationship and Edward wants us to behave like schoolkids. I've had sex, he's had sex. Heck, we've had sex together. I know we are meant to be.

If it didn't work out, I wouldn't be running to this clifftop. But that's irrelevant because it will work.

How do I do this? How do I convince Edward to come to me and forget the rules and the sensible option and just be mine?"

"Well, I can start things off. I'm going home to organise a working bee. Emmett can carry all the furniture out of Edward's bedroom, and Alice can help me paint the walls. I'm thinking bright pink with rainbows here and there would be nice for a playroom. A pale blue ceiling with white fluffy clouds. Maybe unicorns and bunnies around the lower edge of the walls."

"That would ensure Edward would never sleep in that room again," I agreed.

"Go home. I will go kiss your daughter. She's all packed. Carlisle is spending a little alone time with her before she leaves, and she hasn't had a nap today so she will be tired. My son appears to have gradually brought her an entire wardrobe of new clothes, so just accept them in the spirit they were given. He is her father, after all."

"He is, isn't he?" I replied, hugging my knees to my chest.

X~x~X

EPOV

Work had been frantic. Many times we had almost lost two of the road crash victims, it was literally touch and go. I was beyond exhausted when I finally hung up my white coat and headed home to collapse and sleep for the next 24 hours.

Dad had come in to take over, and he kept grinning this insane grin but I was too tired to care what was going on with him. I was surprised, as he had told me Bonnie was going back to Bella tonight. I expected tears and wailing from my Mom and cold professionalism from my Father.

But I had long accepted they were insane so whatever.

Mom greeted me at the door and handed a prettily dressed Bonnie to me, and Alice put a suitcase in my trunk.

"We are busy. I need you to take the baby to her Mother. You might want to stay the night at Bella's so Bonnie settles in okay."

"I was looking forward to my bed, actually. I'm exhausted. Could I catch a nap first?"

"Sure, your bed is in the garage," Mom answered, like that was the obvious place for my bed to be.

"Why?" I asked, holding Bonnie and walking in to see, yes, she was right. There, where I usually housed my car, was instead, my bed. Stripped bare, mattress against the wall.

"Do I sleep down here now?"

"Whatever, Edward. You have a place of your own. Not that you will be in it much seeing you have created a monster and trained that baby to only sleep at night when she is curled on your chest."

"I created a monster? Hey, Dad started it."

"Well, Edward, you have to finish it. Here, give me your keys, you do look too tired to drive. Emmett, put the suitcase in my trunk and Alice, strap Bonnie into the carseat in my car. Edward, sit in the back with her so she doesn't feel alone."

"We aren't having a little farewell party? I thought you were all obsessed with this little girl."

"She's not going far and she is almost a Cullen now," Mom replied, matter of factly.

"Okay," I shrugged, getting into the car. Maybe they were adopting her? Who knows? All I knew was if I didn't get some sleep, I would probably die.

Bella opened her front door and took Bonnie from my arms.

"Hello Baby Girl, your room is all ready. The new queen sized bed fits in there really well."

I trailed inside behind them and leaned against the kitchen bench for support.

"Bonnie sleeps in a crib, why does she need a queen sized bed?"

It was quite the day for beds.

"For you to sleep in, of course. Edward, you would never fit into her crib," she scoffed.

"I'm sleeping in Bonnie's room?"

"I thought we both should. Just until she learns to sleep alone in her crib. You look tired. Come on, early night for us all."

I started stripping off my clothes as Bella expertly changed the baby into pajamas, then she sat Bonnie on my new bed and turned to help me undress. When I was down to my boxers, she opened the covers and I accepted my Fate and fell into the bed. Bella placed Bonnie on my chest and kissed her cheek, then kissed mine.

"I'll be in to join you both shortly. I was just putting away your clothes. You get the lefthand side of my closet."

Of course I did. I was clearly hallucinating. I shut my eyes and patted Bonnie's back, and slept.

Morning broke and I was alone but I could still feel the warmth of the baby on my chest and the warmth her mother had created at my side. So, we had all spent the night together. I wanted to laugh. I'd spent the night with Bella in the same bed and not even dreamed about her.

I could hear Bella talking to her daughter as she cooked something that smelled too fantastic to lie here and ignore. She might not keep me any if I didn't make an appearance.

I grabbed a Tshirt that looked suspiciously like mine and pulled it on. It was too small for me and I hadn't worn it for years so I had no explanation of how it was in the bed. But yesterdays clothes were flapping on the clothesline outside the window, so they weren't an option.

Bella looked up from where she sat feeding Bonnie pieces of cut up fruit and pancakes and smiled.

"Good morning. I hope you are hungry."

"Hungry and confused. Have I moved house?" I asked as I sat down at the table.

Bella poured coffee and piled my plate with food.

"It's the obvious solution. Bonnie needs you to wean her off chest sleeping and Esme and I decided it would be best if you moved in here with us."

"Are we getting married?" I joked.

Bella stilled and frowned, considering my words.

"Do you want to get married?" she asked.

"Bella, that was a joke," I said hurriedly. Though somehow it didn't seem to be that bad of an idea, actually.

"Of course. I'd rather live in sin, anyway. Marriage isn't my thing," she replied thoughtfully.

"Live in sin? We'd have to be having... We'd have to have..."

"Sex, Edward. It's called sex. We could have sex. We are consenting adults. Though I think we should do that in our real bed, in our bedroom. Not in Bonnie's room."

"God no, not in Bonnie's room."

"Then you agree? We only have sex in our bedroom?"

"Um, right. What's going on here?" I questioned, sipping the coffee. It was great coffee. I could move in for the coffee alone. I had a feeling that was not an option.

"Well, if we do it your way, we date and I have to find a babysitter and leave Bonnie with a stranger, or Jasper, I suppose..."

"Better a stranger," I interjected. "She's too young to see what he does in his apartment at night."

"Sure," she nodded. "So, my suggestion is that you at least try things my way. You simply become my partner and we live together and we see how things work out. I think it's the better option. So does your Mom and Dad."

"My parents agree me living here, with you, as a couple when we barely know each other, is a good idea?"

"Edward, we have known one another for years. You know I like purple. I know you like your quiche cold, not hot. I know you prefer cotton socks to any mix, and you like them dried in the clothes dryer, not hung up outside. I found all these things out from your Mom, so we don't have to waste time getting to know one another's quirks."

"There's more to getting to know one another than domestic details," I objected.

"Like, getting to know one another's bodies? Sure. I've dreamed about yours, you have dreamt about mine. The dreams were probably pretty accurate and anyway, we can soon check and see. Just give Bonnie a few nights to settle and we will have the privacy of our bedroom to discover every inch of each other's skin."

Shit. My pants were tight and my mind was racing to places and pictures and half imagined images. By the pool, in my bed...

"There, that's the spare key, you will need that. I guess you have a lot more clothes than I expected so most of them are still upstairs. But I grabbed the things you wear the most often.

You could go take my Tshirt off and wear something of your own," she suggested.

"Your Tshirt? Are you Edward Cullen?" I asked, pulling the top off and showing her the name printed across the back.

"Maybe, I've been wearing a black hoodie with that name on it for years. But you can call me Bella, just so things are not too confusing."

"So, is this a parallel dimension?" I checked. Something was going on that I couldn't start to comprehend. It seemed my parents had tired of me and handed me on to Bella.

"Edward, be sensible. You need a woman. I need a man. Bonnie needs a ...Dad. We can dance around it for years and deprive her of a live in father, and have her grow up to be a teenager who turns to drugs and prostitution to soothe her pain, or you can step up and be her Dad, like you know you want to, and we can be a family. If, after a reasonable period of time, you don't like this arrangement, we can talk. You can walk. No legal ties, no promises. Just give us a chance and if we are as perfect as everyone else thinks, and I agree myself, then what did we do wrong? You are ready to settle down, Alice told me. She says men smell different when they are ripe to start a proper relationship and apparently you smell very ready. I'm just offering you a solution."

I raised my arm and smelt myself. Maybe I did smell different. I know ever since Bella appeared on the scene, my entire life seemed to have changed and become all about her, and her daughter.

"So, slow and sensible is not an option?" I asked.

"We could all die tomorrow. We could have been the ones in that car wreck. Do you think either of those patients will wake up and wish they had done less? Wish they'd wasted more of their lives playing it safe? No, I didn't think so."

"Okay, fine. Have it your way. But we get engaged," I threw at her. For someone as skittish about marriage, that should make her stop and think. "I can't live with someone who has no intention of marrying me one day."

"Esme thinks I should wear a pastel rather than white. Second marriage and all. I think I should wear the dress I always wanted to wear. You can afford it, Jake couldn't."

"Oh. Right."

"What do you think?"

"I think I fell asleep and woke up in Bizzaro world," I replied.

"Edward, about my dress," she said impatiently. " Do you care if I wear white? I like white. It's so...weddingy. And the dress is amazing. I have a picture of it in a magazine."

"Does it need really high heeled shoes?" I laughed. It was laugh or cry. Why not laugh? I'd wake up soon and discover now my dreams were simply weird.

"For a beach wedding? Bare feet, Edward. Maybe some of those bare foot bridal sandals. I love the ones made with crystals."

"Then by all means, buy some," I replied.

Bella had finished feeding her daughter so I scooped the baby from her high chair...wait, my old high chair? Esme handed over a family heirloom? and headed for the beach.

Bella tossed a sunhat at me and started cleaning the kitchen so I took Bonnie down to the shoreline and stood her on the sand, with her little starfish hands gripping my fingers as I crouched behind her.

"Hey Edward. Bonnie," Jasper said, walking up with his surfboard under his arm.

"Oh look Bonnie, there's a Jasper in Bizarro World," I informed the baby.

"So, you won. I fought for her, and I guess I have to concede defeat. Bella's a great girl. You are one lucky bastard," he sighed.

I was.

Maybe nothing that was happening was anything remotely like I had planned, but what is, in life? If I was being catapulted to the Finish Line when we had barely begun the race, well, lucky me.

Bella could have chosen Jasper instead.

I laughed out loud as he stood beside us.

"Alice is right. You smell different," I laughed.

Jas backed away. "Too weird, Edward. Since when have you gone around smelling men? Does Bella know about this?"

"All women do. We have no choice but to surrender and do their bidding," I answered.

"You have a great day," Jasper said, shaking his head, maybe wondering if I was trustworthy in charge of a child.

I lifted Bonnie up and sat her on my shoulders and headed along the beach, as she grabbed my hair and reminded me I never got around to that haircut. She laughed and slapped at my head as I ran with her through the edge of the water and I started to smile. I had everything I wanted. Just like that. How many men could say they woke up one day and their lives were suddenly perfect?

Bonnie kicked at the ripples as I held her in two inches of water and wore her out. Once she started yawning, I headed back to 'our' apartment and lay her in her crib.

"Okay. Our daughter is asleep. What was the bedroom sex rule again?" I asked.

Bella took my hand and led me to the main bedroom. Most of my belongings from my ex childhood bedroom were in there, on the wall, on the top of the set of drawers.

It was home.

"I have rose petals? Candles? To make it memorable?" she offered.

"Oh I don't think I am going to have trouble remembering this," I replied, pulling her down to join me on the crisp white sheets.


	9. Chapter 9

Paying the Piper

Chapter 9

EPOV

Bella looked exactly like she had in my dreams. I mean, exactly. I knew every little mole on her body, every tiny scar, every pale birthmark. I didn't question this. Maybe she was right and we were destined to be together no matter what. Maybe she was made from my blueprint and I drew in these tiny imperfections.

Another strange thing was the lack of hesitation on either part. It was like we already knew what the other wanted and needed. I touched her reverently and she laughed, so I let all my inhibitions go and kissed her long and hard while part of me followed suit and became longer and harder.

Her breasts were as amazing as I had imagined, and such a perfect size. I guess Dream Breasts are always exactly like we want them but Bella's actual breasts were just the same. They filled my hands. Her nipples were the dark pink I expected, and they responded immediately to my touch, and my tongue.

Instinctively, I knew she liked having them licked and sucked. I knew she would moan, and I even knew the exact pitch that moan would be in.

She didn't disappoint.

Her folds were perfect and immediately parted at the touch of one finger. I knew where she wanted me to touch, so I honed in and gently grazed her clit. Oh, she did like that. I knew she would.

I was torn by whether to take it slow and gentle or just pound the Hell out of her. My brain said 'be gentle, make it pretty, make it a memory", but my body screamed "Just do it. Show her what it's like to be with a real man. HER real man."

There was never any doubt that I already loved her with all my heart and soul so no flashes of conscience hit. She was mine. But that was fair because I was hers.

Hers to do whatever she wanted with.

Her hand stroked my shaft and made me shiver with anticipation and neither of us reacted to the buzz, the hum, whatever it was.

I guess we both somehow knew it would be there.

There were so many things I wanted us to do, so many ways to take her and confirm our connection. She may not be my first, nor me hers, but I would damned well be her last. And she would be mine. That went unsaid. This was us, forever. This was the ultimate goal.

She pulled back from my lips and gasped loudly.

"Have to breathe" she lamented.

"So overrated," I replied, catching her lips again.

The next time we broke apart, she gazed into my eyes. I held her gaze and eased inside her body, while she smiled at me, grinning in some sort of victory.

"God yes. I love you so much," she stated, completely sure I loved her back. She wasn't going to play games or act coy. She wanted me every bit as much as I wanted her and she was already admitting that as she arched against me and put her legs around my backside, forcing me inside her more deeply.

I hovered there, smiling back at her. I **knew **this place, this body.

She bit her lip and moved impatiently.

"Bella, we have the rest of our lives," I reminded her. She laughed. "We do. I know that. I just need you so much."

I shook my head and grinned at her. Little vixen. No blushes, no pretence.

Long slow thrusting and she was in my complete power.

"God, Edward," she sighed, her head falling back on the pillows.

Stroke, stroke, all of her around all of me. I was inside her yet somehow she was inside me too. I could feel every inch of myself as I pushed in and pulled out and we were the most perfect fit, but once again, I knew that. I knew we were perfect.

I made sure to include her most sensitive bundle of nerves in the entering and exiting of her body and was rewarded as she mewed at me, like a kitten. No, like a woman.

Like a woman whose body is being put to the very best use.

She rocked against me, but slowly, not wishing to end this too fast either.

The hum filled the air and she smiled, and laughed softly.

"Only you," she said.

I expect that meant only I made her hum. Not Jacob, not Jasper. Not Kate, either. Bella alone made me hum too, but the sound was not coming from either of us, it was just there, in the air.

Maybe it was how the universe affirmed we were right for one another.

My new world was amazing. The fast forward was right, I knew that now. She was right, I had been so wrong to consider delaying this. Why? What had I hoped to gain by waiting?

Anticipation was all, and I knew I would be filled with anticipation the moment I left her body: anticipation for the next time.

I would get my share of anticipation.

"Bella, I love you. You are my life now," I murmured, leaning in to nuzzle her neck.

I stayed inside her as I pulled her body up so her legs straddled my hips and we sat there, face to face, torso to torso, my hands on her back, seeking that amazing soft swell where her backside began. Round female bottoms are very much a miracle. Her hands on my back, stroking me, lighting up my spine, but more than that, she was telling me we belonged.

My forehead rested against hers.

My eyes gazed into hers.

I kissed her, but not with any urgency.

She smiled as the kiss ended and gently rocked with me.

I wanted the world to end here and now, so we would be like this for eternity.

How could our lives get any better than this moment?

She placed her hands on my shoulders and I reached for them and entwined our fingers.

Her magnificent breasts were grazing against my chest, I could see them without breaking our eye contact, and it was all so right and familiar.

Her body blushed softly as I ground into her and started her orgasm. The sound she made, the cry, the moan, the way she gave herself so willingly to me, had me coming with her, filling her inside.

I had not given a single thought to contraception but my brain was always in doctor mode, in some small way, even now.

I knew her secret. It didn't matter, it didn't change anything. She was mine.

I wanted her, I had her, and nothing would come between us and alter that fact.

Of course it was there, the wish she had been mine all along. My first, her first, so much wasted time.

Where had she been? Why didn't I see her in High School like I saw her now? I had always been so aware of her. I guess she always seemed too much to hope for.

Kate had been there, ready and willing and she seemed to be my equal, whereas Bella Swan was so unattainable; so much a better person than I had been, but that didn't matter now.

Now, somehow, she had raised me to her level and we felt even.

She finally stopped pulsing around me and we stayed there, once again locked in one another's arms as my seed spilled from her body, cheated of the deed it had wanted to complete.

"Promise me we will have a baby one day," I whispered. "Another baby. I know your babies are all mine but I need to create one of them myself. I won't love it more than the others," I promised.

"I promise. Who knows, it could be too late anyway."

I nodded and reached for her face and cradled it in my hands.

"It doesn't matter, Bella. I will always love all of your children."

She smiled and leaned up to kiss me and I kissed her back.

A cry sounded from the nursery and Bella sighed and rested her head against mine.

"How does she know? I hope this isn't going to be a habit. She had better not interrupt us every single time," she sighed.

"Once is hardly a habit and it is daytime," I reminded her.

She looked at me and I saw something hidden in her eyes. Bella had her secrets but I also saw openness and her desire for honesty and I knew she would share them, in her own time.

It was clear Bonnie was not going back to sleep so I carefully slid from my home inside Bella and we walked to the shower and washed one another as the cries from the other room became more indignant and urgent.

"I should have listened to your Mother and left Bonnie with her this morning. I wasn't expecting this to happen so soon. You were hardly a challenge at all, after all."

"How could I hold out, on you?" I replied."You were right. We already have all it takes, and time will fill in the blanks. I guess it's no different to an arranged marriage, except we got to choose our partner. They know little about their spouse. In time, we will learn everything about one another."

"We will learn as we go along," she agreed, as the crying changed and became a frustrated, angry wail.

"Hey, are you guys here? They haven't left you home alone, have they Bonnie?".

I bristled. Jasper was in my house.

I pulled on my jeans and stalked out to reclaim my daughter. She sat there in Jasper's arms, looking at his wild untamed locks and her fingers were clearly itching to grab a hold.

I took her from him and she pouted at the missed opportunity.

"Sorry, Edward, but she has been crying for a while. I thought maybe you and Bella had popped out."

"We would never leave her here alone," I growled, kissing my daughter's head. She instantly did that curling up she does, against my chest, like she knew I was her protector.

"So, Coffee anyone?" Bella asked brightly, handing me the bottle our little girl wanted. I sat down and cradled Bonnie in my arms and she let me hold the bottle for once.

Jasper looked at Bella and laughed nervously and his eyes shifted to me.

"Oh, I see. I didn't realise... I could have babysat her at my place if I'd known you two were...busy."

Bella's face was a warm pink, and her eyes shone. This time it was me who made them shine and I tried to remember how brightly they had shone that time she had been with him. She had never had to say a word, a freshly loved Bella was obvious and on display to anyone who looked her way. She was happy now, and she loved me. She had never loved him.

I would never understand how she had allowed him inside her body with such casualness, but then, I don't get most sexual activity. To me, it will always be the way I express my love and devotion to Bella, nothing less.

Never merely 'sex'.

If I didn't already love her and know she loved me, nothing would have let me make love to her today. She could have forced the house sharing, and even guilted me into parenting her child, but she would never have gotten me into her bed with anything less than this overwhelming love I radiated.

The future would be complicated, I knew that.

Jacob had fathered her first two children and Jasper her third, even if she hadn't admitted that yet. She shone with beauty and I realised it was true; pregnant women did glow. She looked amazing, and next time she was pregnant, I would have planted that seed inside her.

I hoped he didn't know.

I knew she had not turned to me because he had rejected her when she announced the pregnancy, because Jasper was ready to change and grasp on to his woman now, and by his eyes, he wished Bella was that woman. It must be really hurtful for him if he did know. Even with his child growing inside her, she chose me.

Unlike the absent Jake, Jasper might want to be a parent to his baby and we would have to work out some ground rules and a way for the child to be shared and loved by all three of us. I couldn't help wishing this hadn't happened, I actually had trusted Jasper would prevent anything like this so I had to wonder if he had planned this outcome all along. He'd spent years preventing pregnancies, it seemed a little too convenient that his one slip up was with Bella.

He didn't even try to hide how he felt about her and I was very ready to close the door behind him when we finished the coffee drinking and he left.

I think maybe he sensed my dislike of him being here. I know I have to find a way to cope with his probably constant presence in our lives once his baby was born, but until then, Bella was all mine and he could watch her bloom from the sidelines.

I wasn't anywhere near ready to see his hands touch her belly and caress the tiny baby within.

The signs were already there but then, it was her third pregnancy.

"Hey, I really want us to get married, soon," I said, watching her reaction. It just seemed the best way to handle things. This way, people would assume the coming baby was mine.

If she hadn't told Jasper, maybe he would assume it as well. Maybe I could be that lucky.

Bella would know the truth, as would I, but was it really anyone else's business?

_Only Jasper's_ my head whispered.

I knew I would hate it if I had begun a baby with some girl and didn't know about it but we had to look at the bigger picture. Bella wanted me to be a father to her children, thus she didn't want Jasper to have that role. Was it possible to just pretend this one was mine? She had already voiced her consent that I become Bonnie's Dad, I had to conclude she wanted us to be the family, and not Jasper.

"Why the hurry?" she asked.

"I could adopt Bonnie. Isn't that your aim? For your children to be mine?"

She frowned.

"I can't share Blythe with you, not physically, but you are the only father figure Bonnie will ever remember."

"Bella, all children born of our marriage will be mine," I replied.

"Of course. Who else's would they be?" she asked, perplexed.

So, no Jasper. No announcements to our neighbour that he had left a little something, someone, inside her. I liked that better than my first assumption that she would want him to know.

"Sometimes babies get conceived the first time a couple makes love," I stated.

"First time, second time, whatever," she said, "I know sometimes they don't come along for years. But we have Bonnie."

"We do," I agreed. So, for now, we were in denial. But maybe she wanted us to be together a while and become more concrete and also, maybe she wanted everyone seeing us together before she made any announcements.

The days when old ladies sat down and worked out to the day when a baby had been conceived were long gone. This baby would turn up what, eight months after the wedding, if we got married now. That was close enough. Nobody would think anything other than our love had been a little impatient. None of our generation would even think it worth commenting on. First babies these days arrived before the wedding, after the wedding, instead of the wedding.

Why spend a fortune on a ceremony if you already had that family? I wanted the wedding. To me, it was a declaration of our mutual love and respect for one another.

"So shall we take Bonnie to the beach before lunch?" Bella suggested and the thought of seeing my Bella in that tiny polka dot bikini hanging on the closet door in the bedroom was enough to have my head nodding in instant agreement.

X~x~X

BPOV

I guess being in love changes everything. I couldn't believe I had ever sat on that clifftop and let those thoughts cloud my brain.

I wouldn't have done anything, I assured myself constantly.

God, what if I had, and had missed out on this? This life, this love, this family.

Edward fitted in with Bonnie and I like he had always been here. We worked in the apartment and yard together, we cooked together, we cleaned, and played and made love together, and in no time we were "Edward and Bella", nobody thought of us as individuals any more.

Alice was thrilled to bits and swore she 'always knew' from our first reunion, Emmett just approved openly and came to eat everything in our cookie jar regularly. Rose visited us as well as the Cullen's whenever she came home, and she called a family meeting about a month after Edward moved in.

"Okay, I'm going to guess you all already figured out what I'm about to announce," she said happily, looking at Edward and Carlisle like they knew the secrets of the Universe.

Both men shrugged and Edward continued feeding Bonnie her bottle.

Then he laughed and looked up, smiling at Rose.

"Okay, I admit I'm like some detector dog when it comes to this subject, but it's your news to tell. I haven't told a soul about my suspicions."

"Thank you for that, Edward." She turned to Emmett. "Emm and I are expecting a baby. I admit I never thought it would be something I wanted, but, I don't know, it just is. One day I woke up and asked my Emm how he felt about fatherhood and I believe his reply was, quote, "Bring it on, Baby". So, yes, this is me, bringing it on. I have pictures, though to be honest, I think they must have scanned a jellybean in my coat pocket instead of the baby, because it sure looks like a jellybean."

The room erupted and I felt a little envious of her, to be honest. Everyone crowded around her and kissed her cheeks and rubbed her tiny waist, and I wished it was me.

Edward caught my eye and smirked, so that confused me. Was he taking credit for knowing before everyone else, or for impregnating Rose himself? That was a joke, I know he will never touch any other woman while I live and breathe.

Our day would come and possibly quicker than anyone expected, if Edward kept making love to me at the rate he had been so far.

I had brought up the subject of contraception and he had looked confused, like I was suggesting we get tickets to fly to the moon or something equally bizarre.

"I guess one day in the future we will have to make a decision about that but it's hardly necessary at the moment."

He was a doctor, therefore he did know what we were doing was probably going to end up with a visit to the maternity ward, but, if that was what he wanted, why would I argue? I wanted a little coppertopped baby, and the closeness in age between Bonnie and the next baby wasn't an issue to me.

Close just meant two lots of bottles and diapers and another crib in the nursery. There was plenty of room for it now the big bed was gone and Bonnie was sleeping alone again.

Maybe she knew what we did in our own bedroom and preferred to sleep through that safely tucked up in her crib, I don't know. But she had slipped right into sleeping alone that first week back home. She'd slept in a crib before the whole mess happened, so maybe home with Mommy meant back to the old ways.

I was waiting for my period to show so I could try and work out my most fertile time. Nowadays there were ovulation detection kits that could pinpoint exactly the moment that happened, even a few days warning before it occurred, so if Edward wanted a baby , I could give him the nod when the ideal time was ripe.

Not that he was likely to miss it, going on our sex life so far.

Morning and night, regular as clockwork, and extra on weekends or his odd day off. If he was home, Bonnie's naptime meant we headed to our own bedroom as soon as she settled down in hers.

Edward had remained a little more gentle with me than I expected. That session by the pool had been the most wild we had ever gotten, and much as I craved for a repeat, I could hardly let on I knew he was capable of completely uninhibited crazy fucking like he had indulged in that night.

He had yet to put me on my hands and knees again, and I hadn't offered in case it triggered a memory.

Still thinking about Rose's announcement last night, I put the coffee on and took down the multivitamins Edward had started me on virtually the day he moved in, and shook one out. I wanted to laugh as his arrogance. Pre-natal vitamins. I guess it didn't hurt to take them before conception, just to get into the habit.

I swallowed today's tablet down as he walked into the kitchen and he walked up behind me and put his hands around my waist, resting them on my belly.

"You should get a scan so we have a photo to accompany our announcement," he murmured, nuzzling my neck.

"What? A before shot? Is that necessary?"

"Before what?" he asked, stepping back and looking confused.

"Before I even conceive," I explained.

"Bella, you don't have to pretend any more. You should have a scan, there's tests that have to be done early."

"Pretend? Edward, pretend what? I'm not pregnant. I have had two kids, i think I would know."

He looked shocked, then amused.

"You really have no idea? Okay, here's what we will do today. We shall leave Bonnie with my Mom and you can follow me into the hospital and I will do your first scan, and you will pay me ten dollars for being right."

"Done. I'm not pregnant," I replied. Even if I was, it would only be weeks. He'd moved in almost five weeks ago, so that was the maximum length of this pregnancy. And I would know. I knew with Blythe and Bonnie before then.

Esme had her hands full with the twins she was fostering but as Bree and Benjamin were nearly four, she still wanted a baby to play with whenever possible, so I handed over Bonnie and followed Edward's car.

Such a shame he was working today because I would refuse to accept his ten dollars when he was proved wrong, and make him work it off instead. He hadn't done any oral for a while, he seemed too caught up in the 'real thing' to do that lately and I missed it. How long would I get for ten dollars?

"Hey Edward," I said, stepping out of the car as he opened my door for me. "How about we make it interesting? Instead of money, the loser gets to be slave and do whatever his mistress wants for an entire night?"

"Or what her master demands," he added.

"Whatever. Do you agree?"

"Sure. I hope you have the energy," he chuckled confidently.

"Dr Cullen, Suzie Montgomery. Her heat arrhythmia is back, she's in ER room 6" Stacey said, pouncing as soon as he walked through the door.

"Bella, I have to check her. She's pregnant," he explained quickly.

"Unlike me," I called after him as he walked away down the corridor.

"Just like you, actually," he turned to say as he kept walking, backwards. "We can do that 'thing' after lunch. I'm on my break at one. See you then."

Carlisle walked out as Edward disappeared, and smiled.

"Hello Bella. Just visiting?"

"Actually, Carlisle, could you do me a favour? I would like to up the ante on a bet I have with Edward, so knowing I am right and he is wrong would be rather handy."

"What can I do to help?" he asked.

"He says I'm pregnant, I say I'm not. I think I know my body better than he does, but it would be great to have positive proof so he gives in gracefully. If I win, I may need to leave Bonnie with you and Esme for the entire weekend," I laughed.

"Ouch, poor Edward. You are going to make him suffer, aren't you?"

"I was thinking maybe he has to dress in just a ribbon tied around his neck, and walk around on all fours naked all weekend, for a start," I winked.

"Bella, spare me the details, he is my son."

"Ooops, sorry. Now, where's the gel? Lube me up, Scotty."

I lay back, chuckling at additional details of my 'punishment' for Edward as Carlisle pushed the transducer across my empty belly.

"Um, Bella? How do you feel about wearing a bow around your neck?" he said.

"What?" I cried out in shock.

"I've seen a few hundred pregnant bellies by now and I believe I can safely say, this is one of them."

"Rats," I moaned. Edward always had to be right, didn't he?

"You don't want Edward's baby?" Carlisle asked, concerned.

"Sorry, it's great news. But I lost the bet and I know he is going to think of something a lot more erotic than wearing a bow. So, pregnant. That's cool. Edward will be thrilled, not only because he wins. He seems really ready for this."

"So, I expect you will all move up into the penthouse now," Carlisle said as he kept measuring and checking things inside me.

"Oh fuck!" I cursed, paling.

"You don't want to move upstairs?"

"Carlisle, I don't care where we live. Exactly how pregnant am I?"

_Say five weeks or less, _I prayed. Being pregnant was fine, being pregnant from any time since Edward moved in was cool; being pregnant from that one night beside the pool was a disaster.

"Twelve weeks, I estimate."

Shit, shit, shit.

"It couldn't just be a big baby for dates?" I checked. I'd had two that were small for dates, it was my turn for a whopper.

"No Bella. Twelve weeks. Is that a problem?"

"You have no idea," I replied.

**Okay, if you found the RPattz quote, say it in your review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**The RPattz quote: "Round female bottoms are very much a miracle...".**

Paying The Piper

Chapter 10

BPOV

God, how was I going to tell Edward and how was he going to react? I knew his views about alcohol fuelled fucking and that was all it had been, there was no prettying it up.

I redressed and sighed at the small photos in my hand that would normally have made my heart beat in a happy pitter patter.

"Hey kid, you realise you are causing trouble already, right?" I informed the tiny infant. "What your father is going to say...I have no idea but I guess it's not an option to bribe someone who is five weeks along to swap photos so I guess the only thing to do is bite the bullet. But not here, not in public. I'll delay things until tonight. God, forgive me this next little white lie, but I guess by now you are used to forgiving me my fuck-ups, what's one more?"

I was happy to be carrying Edward's baby, there was no doubt about that. Apart from the fact he would eventually be so pleased to know he had been part of creating a miracle, I knew he was the type of guy who would probably always want 'just one more baby' and it would be up to me to call a halt when I felt like our family was complete.

If I let him call all the shots, we'd need his whole apartment complex just to house our own children.

Everytime we saw some woman struggling with a pack of kids, he would look so amused and, yes, envious, and then he would take my hand and kiss my knuckles and his eyes would be so easy to read. Edward was a man who liked the idea of a large family with kids galore.

Well, we had started already, and he really did seem to see Bonnie as his own, so I guess one day this whole conception could end up one of those in jokes couples have where they alone know what they are laughing about.

He might even get the joke and name the baby after the pool or something. Or maybe "Patience", he would think a baby conceived from impatience with that name was amusing.

I wandered the shops, having checked Esme was happy to keep Bonnie all day long, and looked at tiny outfits. I was drawn to blue. I hadn't ever given much thought to the gender of my children. Jake and I had both wanted Blythe to be a girl but it had only been a slight preference and a boy would have been just as welcome.

All the hopes about Bonnie had been about compatibility, not gender. We'd known from very early she was a girl, because of the many tests she had been subjected to, and the stress we were in at that time, I don't think either of us had anything left to care about something as minor as the sex of the baby.

This time, I couldn't help looking at little blue clothes because Edward was clearly the better looking one of us, and a son who looked like him, like that sketch on Esme's wall, would simply be the perfect outcome.

I know all I should care about is the baby's health and one would think after my life experiences, that would be all that matters, but somehow, knowing how futile hoping and wishing for a healthy child if that wasn't mean to be, made me instead dwell on other things. Still a choice I had no control over, but the heart knows what it wants and mine wanted a mini Edward baby.

"Oh yes" I murmured, picking up the cutest, tiniest little outfit ever made.

It would look perfect on a copperhaired, green eyed boy. It was a marle type fabric, swirls of soft green and blue together, and had the cutest little bear in a baseball outfit on the front. Edward would love it.

That gave me an idea. A way to dodge 'the conversation' for now. I would buy this outfit, and a pair of those ridiculously small bootees that fit a newborn for about a week, and dangle them at him at lunch and hopefully he would forget to ask how far along I was.

I found a mini baseball hat that looked like the one Emmett usually had crammed on his head, and a pale blue baby blanket with "Daddy's Boy" embroidered across one corner and took my purchases to the counter.

"Gift wrapped?' the woman asked as she folded each tiny article.

"Maybe all in the one gift box," I suggested.

She lay them in carefully and tied a big blue ribbon around the box and handed it over as I gave her our creditcard. Edward insisted from Day One that he was the wage earner, and he would be paying all the bills so I had not even fought him. My wage from him was more token pocket money for things Bonnie wanted. Ice creams at the beach, bath toys, new shoes.

It didn't really bother me because we were a bona fide couple and back in the day, where Edward seemed to have come from, men paid the expenses, and liked it. He was never going to be the type of man who expected the girl to pay her own way, and it made him happy, so, whatever anyone else thought about me choosing him for the free ride, all I can say is, I know what Jasper's worth and if I was gold digging, I would have chosen him.

Edward was sitting at the table of the little restaurant beside the hospital already when I arrived but he was grinning like a loon so I knew he knew he had won. He jumped up and pulled out my chair and I sat down and scowled.

"What?" I demanded, as if I didn't know.

"Oooh, I'm just thinking about tonight. You know that wall in the hallway, and the glass wall at the back of the house? I was picturing you, pushed up against them, me holding you up, and not with my hands," he winked," and the noise factor. All the screaming and writhing. I checked the house insurance, I was wondering if reducing the house to rubble during wild sex came under 'natural disasters'. So, come on, I've ordered you a steak and lots of protein and carbs so you will have the energy to pay the forfeit."

"Here," I replied, handing him the box and watching the triumphant grin change to one of such tenderness I felt tears pricking the back of my eyes as he lifted the little suit as if it were made of the finest gossamer.

"Our baby is going to wear this," he whispered, like it was such a miracle he couldn't say it out loud.

He took the tiny footwear and held them against his face.

"Bella, I can't believe any of this yet. A few months ago I was with a woman I didn't even like, staying with her only because she seemed like the best option I had and now you and I are together, and we have Bonnie and this new baby...and it's all real. Even I could not summon up a dream this good. Thank you. You made this all happen."

He replaced the clothing and took my hand in his.

"We have to get married. Please. I want this baby to be a Cullen from the moment he draws his first breath."

"Yes," I agreed. I knew he was possibly the only man of our generation who cared so passionately about being married before the birth. It would happen anyway, so why not now? I was scared of marriage and never held a very high opinion of the union but that was all before Edward. Now getting married seemed like the only important thing.

"Buy the dress. Book the preacher. Though Esme is a Justice of The Peace and could do the wedding," he suggested.

"That sounds perfect," I agreed. Esme and I were probably closer than blood mother and daughter. I wasn't thinking of Renee either, I meant normal mothers and their children, not females who always put themselves first and did whatever they wanted, at everyone else's expense.

Females who may have given birth but still were not mothers.

Renee had never deserved that title.

We ate the food on our plates but Edward's eyes never left mine and he was reluctant to return to finish his shift once we were done.

"See you tonight," he said, leaning a hand on the wall behind me as I stood in the hospital lobby and accepted my farewell kisses from him. "I can't wait. We will be celebrating. We have so much to celebrate."

I nodded.

I felt a little guilty that my distraction had worked so well. I knew Edward would be blown away to really know he was going to be an actual, biological father, but he had been moved to his very soul. I hoped I hadn't cheapened the moment by manipulating him.

I went to see Esme and told her it would be really great if she kept Bonnie for the night, because her son and I had some things to celebrate and some other things to discuss and she immediately picked up on my tortured state.

"If I'm thinking correctly, Edward is about to be the happiest man on the planet, so don't sweat the small stuff, Bella. Whatever you think could blight this occasion, think again. I don't think it could."

I wished she was right.

I set the scene in the bedroom with new bed linen and flowers in vases along the window sill, and scented candles, but also with the scan photos right at hand on my bedside table, face down.

Lingerie seemed the way to go for costume selection, and I knew Edward always lost his cool when I put on the black lace skimpy number that had the special panties that lacked a crotch.

_More manipulation, Bella? _my conscience whispered.

"Shut the fuck up. This could be a pivotal moment. There's no saying he will still be here in the morning once he finds out what I did to him. So fuck off and go bother Pinocchio or whoever."

I prepared dinner but made sure it was reheatable as I already had an idea how things would progress. I knew I should tell him straight up, the minute he walked inside, but I also knew I wouldn't be doing that. The idea of sex against the wall and window...

Well, he started it.

He dangled the carrot and I wanted that before everything maybe fell apart.

The door burst open minutes after I finished my primping, and his hands were on my hips and his lips on my lips. Not a single word had been spoken.

I wasn't aware when exactly his clothes vanished, but suddenly he was naked and all I had on were the panties. I think I heard the lace of the nightie tear in his impatience to get at my breasts.

"Fuck," I whispered involuntarily as he hoisted me against the wall as promised, and proceeded to fuck my brains out.

He was completely feral. This Edward made Poolside Edward look conservative.

He carried me to the glass wall and I wondered what it's breaking strain was as he thrust inside me like some crazy man.

His hands were everywhere and I wasn't even sure what was holding me up as he pawed my breasts, my hair, my backside, and his lips tore at mine.

Wow. This is why you try before you buy, girls. I knew this Edward was in there, but even I had grossly underestimated him.

I was surprised the cries and screaming didn't alert Jasper to call the police and I smirked at how funny that would be, if Charlie kicked the door in and came to my 'rescue'.

"One" he said hoarsely as we both fell over the edge and he paused for a moment to enjoy the thrill. The damned buzzing was ringing in my ears as he jerked inside me.

Fuck, he was hot.

Both to look at and to fuck.

I think that moment was the moment when every memory I had of being with Jacob in bed was permanently erased, like a tsunami erases a Summer shower.

I was Edward's and his alone and he was mine. Kate didn't count, or matter at all.

"Only you," he said gruffly as he attacked my throat with his mouth, stealing my own words.

Next thing I was on my hands and knees, yay for that though the tiny part of my brain that still had a drop of blood in it wondered if this was about to reveal all and save me having to say the words.

No such luck. But it did take away the fear and apprehension, because there was no longer room for anything but pleasure.

"Edward, Edward," I screamed, out of control and he chuckled in the most devastating was as he thrust inside me, gripping onto my hips and holding me flush against him as he did this sideways thing I had not even been aware existed. He was not leaving my body at all, just holding me against him, so deep inside I could feel every inch of him, and he rotated his hips so he ground against me and just about caused spontaneous combustion to occur.

One mystery solved, now I knew what caused that phenomenon.

"Two, and three," he laughed as I exploded around him just seconds after already doing that.

"Smug bastard" I accidentally let slip as he turned me to face him and hitched a leg of mine to his waist.

"I believe I have plenty to be smug about," he crowed, pushing me onto my back and lifting my legs so my ankles rested on his shoulders.

He leaned above me, staring into my eyes as he entered me again and all I could see was joy mixed with devilment. He was taking every penny I owed him, and more.

"Bella,you seem to have a full body blush," he stated, holding my ankles in his hands and keeping them in place, one each side of his face. "Do you like me fucking you like this?"

"Maybe," I gasped.

"Maybe?" he smirked, and slammed inside me so hard I thought maybe I would shatter.

"Again," I begged, to my own shame.

Sweat made his torso shine in the moonlight and he looked like a God. If this was this particular God's form of worshipping, sign me up.

My head swam and I lost track of time and space and even breathing. I guess I didn't die, because somehow my body managed yet another orgasm before he was satisfied we were done, as he shook inside me again.

Fuck me, I was glad to be pregnant because this session would have had to result in octuplets at least.

Edward carried me to the spa bath and lay me in the warm water that was somehow in it and he cradled my body and kissed my belly.

"Sorry, Baby. I hope we didn't keep you awake," he apologised.

I needed time to recover and to remember how to breathe again, but soon I was lifted and dried and carried to bed, and the crisp white sheets felt soothing against my battered body.

"Hey, I didn't hurt you, did I?" Edward asked, suddenly reverted to the soft, caring Edward again.

"Nope, you didn't hurt me at all," I assured him. "You did a lot of things but hurting was not there on the list."

He chuckled and pulled me on top of him, and placed his hands on my backside as he kissed my lips with a tenderness that had been absent all night so far.

"I love you so much. I hope you like making wagers with me, because I like collecting," he grinned. "Did Dad give you any photos?"

The moment of truth.

I reached out a trembling hand and lifted the small square that would reveal the truth and maybe send my Edward into a downward spiral of hate and revulsion.

"So, twelve, thirteen weeks?" he said calmly.

"Yeah, sure, about that," I agreed, in shock. "You know?"

He shrugged. "I kind of guessed you were about that far along."

He didn't seem perturbed at all.

"You know?" I said, amazed. "You know what I did?"

"Bella, you can't hide anything from me. You obviously don't know this, but when you have been...ravished, shall we say, it shows clearly. In your eyes mainly, and it was there for weeks. I knew what happened."

"And you are okay with this?" I asked, confused.

"I can't say I understand why you did it, but then, I am out of step with modern thinking when it comes to loveless coupling. You know that."

I nodded slowly, perplexed at how he had never spoken up and at least, admonished me for that night.

"I don't really have any excuse apart from the fact at that time, I just needed Jake erased and even more, I needed someone to at least pretend he loved me. I was at my lowest point and my future looked so empty and grim, and the anniversary was coming up and I just needed a man's arms around me. Even more than I needed the sex, I wanted to be kissed and held. I know you don't get it, because it was pretty loveless, I guess."

"We can pretend it never happened," he offered.

"Really? Thank you, Edward."

"Bella, Dad always says I have unnatural self control and the fact I was able to abstain between relationships doesn't mean I expect everyone else to be able to do the same. I'm the freak. Many women in a similar situation to the one you were in would have done the same thing, probably."

I was amazed that he could rationalise this so easily. I don't know exactly what I had expected him to do and say, but not this. Not the words he had uttered. He truly was a man in a million.

"I love you so much and I didn't think it was possible to love you even more, but I do. Now I do. I can't even comprehend that you really exist. You are like my Dream Man. Able to forgive even this, even though it goes against everything you believe in?"

"We are a couple. We are committed to us, and to our relationship, and to our babies, and our family. What happened in the past is gone. It never existed," he said, with such sincerity my heart beat out of control. "Nothing matters but us, and our children, and God willing, we will have more children after this one, and they will all be mine, Bella. Bonnie, this baby and every baby that follows."

I smiled and suddenly I wanted that house full of children as much as he did. I did hope Bonnie never felt different, because she would never look like the others with their reddish locks and their big emerald green eyes, but Edward loved her first, before he loved them so maybe that would make up for it.

One day I would have to find the words to explain to her where she came from, and why Billy was her Gramps and he wasn't the other children's, but time would hopefully show me how to do that.

I was sure there would never be any issue about Carlisle being her Grandfather too, he already adored her and would be insulted if anyone ever mentioned she wasn't actually a relative. Like Edward was his true son, Bonnie would be his first grandchild.

I was so lucky.

All that angst and fear and regret and it had been all for nothing.

Edward had forgiven me my trespasses, and he still loved me, and wanted me.

"Hey, you should sleep," he whispered, kissing my lips briefly and rolling me off his body as he curled his body around mine and held my back against his chest.

I lay there until I realised he was asleep, just listening to him breathe, and holding my hands over his as he clutched my body tightly against his.

This was my Heaven.

The sex was amazing, living with Edward was a dream come true, but this was what I always craved.

To be cherished and loved beyond reason by the man who had my entire heart in his hands.

X~x~X

EPOV

It was good to have everything out in the open. I know Bella had been blown away when she handed me that photo and clearly she expected me to push her aside and jump to my feet and bellow about the child not being mine.

It was mine, in every way that counted.

I still watched her when she was with Jasper, mainly because I still vaguely feared her conscience would kick in and she would want to tell him in a moment of weakness, but she seemed even less bonded with him as time passed. Sometimes she even got a little impatient with his obvious feelings for her and one night I came home to find no daughter waiting, and the table set for four. There were flowers on the table and candles everywhere and the aroma from the kitchen made my mouth water.

"Guess whose coming to dinner? And don't yell at me, it was all Alice's idea. I admit it could be the answer I want, if things work out well, but keep in mind, she is an adult, she has been with ...um...several... men already, and she knows everything there is to know about Jasper, so this is her choice and you have to respect that. Even if you don't like him much."

"It's not that I don't like Jasper, it's just ..." I didn't want to explain, and anyway, she must know the only thing I held against the man.

But I did agree that this could be a solution for all of us.

Alice was always twittering on about being ready to settle down, and apparently Jasper's changed aroma meant he was too, and there had not been a single beach bunny in his apartment since I moved in. I knew that was not the catalyst.

Him falling in love with Bella was the reason.

Now, maybe with luck, he would cut his loses and settle for second best.

Alice was a wonderful girl, and she had a bright future and with his money she would be a top designer, hopefully in New York, in no time.

I would absolutely adore Jasper to be my brother-in-law, nothing would make me happier than if he fell for Alice and followed her to the Big Apple.

We could do Christmas, and other big family occasions, and with luck, my sister would be as fertile as my Bella and pop out a kid quickly. That would dissolve any guilt either of us ever felt about keeping his child and pretending it was mine.

It was mine. Bonnie was mine and this baby was mine as well.

Nobody had even considered differently when we made the announcement. Rose had been busily working out how close the births would be to each other; Carlisle was proud and pleased, and my Mom was insane as always, saying to Bella clearly I was as fertile as my father.

That was rather fucked up, seeing he only fathered that one actual baby and I had not fathered any, but I kissed her cheek and pretended, yes, Edward Cullen was Mr Fertility God in person.

Nobody had to know differently and as the rest of our family came to be born over time, I would earn that title.

I showered and changed and was able to welcome Jasper into my house with genuine warmth for a change.

We were standing around sipping drinks when my sister arrived and made her grand entrance.

Bella looked at me and grinned and I almost air punched as the two of them looked gobsmacked as he stepped forward and took her hand and kissed her fingers.

This was definitely the new and improved Jasper Whitlock.

He was all gentleman all evening, anticipating my sister's every wish.

I wanted to cheer when he glanced at Bella and I saw in his eyes, he had just let her go, and was moving on. I no longer had a neighbour who dreamed about my wife.

Speaking of which, if this romance solidified as fast as ours had, maybe he would be my Best Man.

Six weeks to go until our Big day and the delay was only because Bella's dress had to be hand sewn and hand beaded, God knows why. One would think there was a dress somewhere that was already made that she would fall in love with and settle for but no. She'd had the magazine since she was a small child, and her Mom had bought it.

She'd grown up wanting this dress.

Of course, whoever made the original had long since closed their doors so Bella and my Mom and Rose and Alice had spent ages finding another designer willing to recreated this perfect dress, and now it would soon be finished. Thank God. I just hoped Bella's belly didn't pop in the meanwhile because that would be a disaster.

At five months, she still was not showing, at all.

Naked, the signs were there and her nipples were even darker, and the faint brown line from belly button to pubic hair was obvious, as was the extra breast mass, but she was delighted to have a 'decent rack' to be showcased by The Dress.

"Should I offer Alice a drink?" I asked Bella quietly.

It just seemed odd, us two standing there watching those two stare into one another's eyes like they were the only two humans on the planet.

I mean, I know what love is and I know it can hit you like that but really? I guess, like us, these two were soulmates or whatever, and just as they had to sit back and watch us adore one another, we had to do the same in return,.

"Where have you been all my life?" Jasper finally said, but somehow it wasn't even cheesy. It was a genuine question.

"Waiting for you," my sister replied. "You kept me waiting long enough."

"My apologies, ma'am."

Whoa, had we just been transported to Texas in the 1800's?

He never drawled like this. I doubted anyone here even knew he was a Texan at all, but now he was his true self again.

Bella was busy serving food and she removed two place settings from the table and handed me two meals and silverware.

"Let's go eat on the beach and leave these two alone," she suggested, dimming the light.

"Lock our bedroom door, they are not consummating this in **our **bed," I growled.

Bella laughed and we escaped and left them to it.

"You know he is already head over heels in love with her, right?" she said as she settled down on the sand and started eating. "It won't be the loveless fucking you are so against."

"I know," I agreed. "I guess sometimes it hits like a lightening bolt and nothing else that happened beforehand matters."

"He has been good, you know. He has stopped screwing around, and has been completely abstinent for ages now."

I nodded. I knew why but she seemed oblivious.

I had greatly feared it may have been for Jasper how it was for me. Once I slept with Bella, it had become completely unimaginable that I would ever be able to sleep with anyone else.

I was happy that Alice appeared to have eclipsed Bella now, for Jas. Maybe we could once again be the friends we had been in the past.

Maybe this baby would take after it's Mom. Bonnie had. All there was of Jake was the black hair. Even if this little one was blonde, well, so many babies are. It doesn't mean they will stay that way. Anyway, as far as I knew, Jasper probably thought we were Carlisle's biological children. I had never discussed my roots with anyone here. I knew there must be some old timers who knew we were all chosen children, but the population of Forks generally assumed we were siblings and we were Esme and Carlisle's natural offspring.

Any blonde haired blue eyed baby could just take after it's grandfather.

We all shared the same surname and never even referred to being Masen, McCarty or Brandon.

They were just middle names.

Mary Alice Brandon ceased to be the day she was handed to Esme, barely three months old.

Emmett had been four years old but had lived with other foster parents already since infancy, and I had been less than two years old, so none of us actually had memories of our beginnings, least of all Alice.

We walked the length of the surf beach, and I wrapped Bella inside my coat with me as the temperature fell, then when we got back, our apartment was deserted and a sad looking Maria lay against Jasper's front door, her head resignedly on her front paws.

"Well, at least they ate first," Bella observed, as I helped her clean up. It was very out of character for Alice to eat and run, but hey, I for one was happy Jasper made her unable to even follow basic good manners toward us, her hosts.

This was all good.

The future looked so rosy, and cloudless.

Of course it was the calm before the storm, but how were we to know?

"Bedtime" my Bella announced and led me by the hand to the Promised land. I'm so glad we had nights like this one, because in a few months time, our happiness would be clouded somewhat.


	11. Chapter 11

Paying The Piper

Chapter 11

EPOV

"Don't be ridiculous," I hissed at Alice, as she stepped back to critically look over Bella in her wedding dress.

"It needs to be shorter. Just an inch or two or else she will trip over the hem," Alice decided. She turned to me as the seamstress put in a pin to mark the new length of the hem and my sister glared.

"It's not ridiculous. You have only been with Bella for a few months and evidently you knocked her up the day you two met again. Don't tell me I have to wait."

"Alice, you have dated Jasper for a month. Wait, is it even a month? Four weeks. It's four weeks to the day from that night where you two had dinner at our place."

"So? Your point is?"

"You cannot **marry** a man you have only dated for four weeks. That's crazy. Are you pregnant?"

"As you are pointing out, it's been four weeks. I wouldn't even know yet if I was. Anyway, I thought you were the famous pregnancy sniffer dog. Am I pregnant?"

"I hope not," I growled. I couldn't believe my sister had sailed through the door, warning Bella she had to be fitted with her bridesmaid dress first, because she and Jasper had a date at the Registry Office.

I thought Bella and I had rushed things, but they were just being completely insane.

"You have to weigh up the chances of this relationship lasting. Do you think Jasper can stick with monogamy for even a year?" I asked her quietly. "He used to have a different girl in his bed every night. Now you think he's changed, and wow, he's lasted an entire month, though not even a calender month, in your bed only, so you think that is sufficient proof he will love you and only you forever?"

"Think what you like. I used to have a different man in my bed most nights. I promise you, since the first time Jasper made love to me, all thoughts of ever going down that old road again vanished. I would have thought you would understand that not all romances are a sensible two years dating followed by an engagement then a wedding three years later, given your acceptance of instant fatherhood to another man's child, and your own rather fast wedding."

"It's different. I know all there is to know about Bella already. We have had months to talk and reveal ourselves to one another. You and Jasper have barely had time to exchange full names. Does he know you are adopted?"

"I'm not adopted. If I'm adopted, so are you, and anyway, what is there to gain from telling him that? At worst maybe he will think he can't risk having children with me, considering my bio's history. Maybe that would make him worry their shit was genetic and one day I'll be in the Big House because my habits have tricked me into rolling drunks and little old ladies to steal whatever they have in their pockets.

I've been Carlisle and Esme's kid all my life. I refuse to disrespect that by ever referring to the animals that bred me. They don't exist in my world. Hell, Edward, they are probably dead by now. You can't spend your life snorting cocaine and be around long enough for an old age pension."

"So, you aren't being honest with him. Has he told you his secrets?" I growled.

"Let's see," she replied, holding up her hand.

"His father is a dick and he sells shonky car parts. His mother is a lush who is in love with Jack Daniels. His brother Austin is a Daddy's boy who pretends his family is normal, and he plans to clean up the business as soon as he runs it alone, and Daddy retires. And that won't be long. What else do I need to know? I know about the women, and I know they meant nothing and he never had any emotional attachment to them."

"Did you know he has been in love before?" I pushed, looking for something, anything, she didn't know.

"With Bella? Sure. But he loves me more than he ever loved her."

"That could be true," I shrugged.

"There's nothing you could tell me about him that would change my mind," she retorted.

"There is one thing," I replied, fighting with myself. Do I tell her or not? Would she care? Would she tell Jasper and start some custody battle?

"What? Tell me," she challenged.

"Forget it," I replied, standing up and walking away from her.

"I don't care anyway. Unless it's something that will interfere with our lives together, why would I care? Did he rob a bank? Shack up with a prostitute? Dress in women's knickers? So long as he doesn't have any secret offspring coming out of the woodwork, then whatever it is, I can cope."

I bit my lip and wished to God I had never started this. She would do whatever the hell she wanted to anyway, and telling Bella's secret could unravel our lives if not handled properly.

Alice narrowed here eyes and I almost felt her bore into the inside of my brain, picking it clean. The damn woman was a witch.

"Jasper has a kid? Who to? Does he know?"

"Go away, Alice. I thought you had a wedding to attend."

"Tell me, Edward. I don't believe he knows. How the fuck do you know? Did you deliver it? Did some skank have a baby in your precious hospital and tell you it was Jasper's? How come she didn't tell him? How come she hasn't hit him up for child support? Anyone who has gone home with him can see the stuff he owns is all handmade and costs a frigging fortune. Any mother of his child would have hit him up for baby support and a pay off. You are lying."

I held my hands up.

"I'm lying."

"Not you aren't. You fucker, I hate you." She stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"Have a great wedding," I called after her.

Fuck, I was an idiot.

"When exactly is the wedding?" the dressmaker asked Bella, tugging gently on the waistband of The Dress.

"Two weeks. Fourteen days," Bella answered, holding her stomach in.

"Two weeks can be a long time in your condition. That baby wants to announce it's presence to the world."

"I won't eat," Bella replied. "I'll live on rice cakes and green tea for the next fortnight."

"No you won't," I cut in. "If this baby wants to show itself, then you need to do something clever with the dress. Raise the waistline just a tiny bit so it's not hugging your actual waist."

"That could work," the woman replied, inching the waist up a little. Bella exhaled and her scarcely there bump pushed against the looser fabric but it was as if she had overeaten, not had a rapidly growing fetus inside.

"Okay, change the waistline up and then the hem will be the right length," Bella suggested.

"I could do this in a mad rush and have it ready for next weekend, if that helps," the lady offered.

"Edward? Do you think it would be possible to move the wedding forward one week?" Bella asked me.

"No problem. Mom is in charge of everything and when Esme Cullen wants something done by a certain date, it gets done. I'll call her."

"No need, here she is," Bella said with a smile as my Mom carried Bonnie inside the shop for her dress fitting.

"What's going on?" Esme asked.

"Our baby is going to ruin the fall of The Dress, we want to get married next weekend. Is that doable?" I asked.

"Sure, not a problem. We moved Emmett and Rose's wedding up a whole year, a week is nothing."

If not for The Dress, we would have beaten Rose and my brother down the aisle but it didn't really matter. Our baby was due before theirs, so we'd get the spotlight when he arrived.

Bella was beside herself with joy at knowing she was carrying a boy. To be honest, I'd been hoping for a girl. I really wanted the first Cullen boy to be an actual Cullen. Then I realised what 'an actual Cullen' was, and I wasn't it.

I honestly forgot so often that I was not born to my parents. I was born to strangers and handed on to my real parents and Esme truly believed that, and it had become so ingrained I often attributed certain habits and quirks to my being Carlisle's son.

I guess Bella's baby will be as much of a Cullen as I am, meaning nobody will ever know differently.

The best thing was, Bella wanted to name him Edward Jnr.

I normally think that's pretentious and vain, but in this case, anything that makes him more mine is a good thing. She already has his nursery done, and all his bath towels and baby blankets have 'Edward' embroidered on them.

Bonnie looked gorgeous in her little pink dress and she held my fingers and stood there on her chubby, unreliable legs and smiled as everyone clapped and cooed at her.

"She's upstaging the bride," Bella giggled.

"We could make a halo of wildflowers and put them in her hair," Mom suggested.

"Then I want some too," Bella insisted.

"Are you having a veil?" Mom asked.

"Nope. Edward knows what I look like, every inch of me," my girl smirked.

"You do realise it's unlucky to see her in the dress before the wedding?' Mom asked me.

"I don't believe that. What a load of codswallop. And she isn't sleeping at your place Friday night, either. We got to this wedding together. We start as we mean to go on. You can all meet us at the beach and pretend we arrived separately."

"Edward! I just had an idea! The meadow...we should get married there!" Bella exclaimed.

Damn! So close.

"I kind of prefer the beach," I replied. For the last few months, my meadow has been the scene of chaos, as our forever house is being secretly constructed. I wanted to give it to Bella as her wedding gift. It's all done now, just the team of gardeners are fixing the last minute details, but the yard is done, the summerhouse built, and the paths are being completed today.

I really thought she had forgotten I owned that land. Trust her to drag that up from the past.

Mom gave me a weak smile.

"I agree with Edward. The beach is the best place for the wedding, and anyway, it's all arranged now."

"How can it be easier to move a wedding forward a week, than to just say 'not the beach, now it's happening at the meadow?' " Bella argued.

Mom looked flustered.

"Bella, I let you choose the damned dress that's taken forever, let me have it at the beach," I pleaded. "It's always been my secret wish, to stand on the sand and hear the waves as we say our vows," I improvised.

"Now you sound like Jasper," she laughed.

"Oh Mom, by the way, I guess you don't know where your daughter is right now?" I stated.

"I know she should be here. Where is she?"

"At The Registry Office," I dobbed, feeling five years old again, but needing to distract Bella.

"So, she is going through with it," Mom smiled. "Of course, I wish I'd been invited, but your sister does like to shock us all as often as she can. Like the tattoo, and the navel piercing," she cringed. "This is so Alice."

"Don't even give them a party," I suggested. Mom laughed.

"That would be some party, with your father lecturing her for the entire time about how unhappy he is to have missed out on walking the bride down the aisle. His only daughter."

"Adopt Bree. I like her better than Alice anyway," I said childishly. "Then he can walk her down the aisle."

"She's four, Edward," Mom reminded me.

X~x~X

The next week passed in a flash and every morning I woke to catch Bella looking in the full length bathroom mirror, sighing over the beginnings of a belly. She measured it twice a day and freaked out at every part inch increase.

"Hey, after Saturday it can extend out as far as it likes, I just want three more days," she moaned.

Luckily for us all, she got her wish and she looked amazing on the day.

Just standing there, watching her walk towards me on her father's arm, which no doubt reminded Dad to scowl at Alice again, was one of the very best moments of my life.

For some reason, I felt very nervous and restless all day and I just wanted the vows said and the papers signed. I felt like someone was about to speak up when Mom asked if anyone had any objections, and I nearly passed out as I let out the breath I didn't realise I had been holding.

"I do," I said triumphantly, echoing Bella.

"You may now kiss the bride."

I kissed the bride and everyone clapped.

Bonnie grinned from her spot in my Mom's arms and clapped along as well. She looked like a little black haired fairy. Mom had put a pair of pink wings on her, and she had the wildflowers in her hair, as did Bella, from our meadow.

We were holding the reception there, but Bella was picturing picnic baskets and rugs on the grass. We had an entire house, and a marquee set up in the back of the meadow near the stream.

I walked my bride back down the aisle and felt an urge to yell the words Mom had uttered.

"What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."

I don't know why I felt so...threatened.

We got into the car and left before the others because I wanted to show Bella the house myself. She might be a little miffed that I had held my tongue and let her decorate the nursery in the apartment rather than tell her Master Edward had his own suite of rooms upstairs beautifully done by Mom and Alice.

"What the...? Edward, someone has built a house on your land," Bella shouted as we arrived.

I laughed and pulled her into my arms.

"It's my wedding gift to you, Bella."

She sat still and silent for a long moment, then pulled out a small velvet bag and handed it to me.

"Well, don't feel bad about only getting me a house. I got you a pocket watch. And it's engraved."

"If only I'd known, I would have gotten you something better," I sighed. "Should I rush to the jewellers and buy you another diamond?"

"Nah, it's okay. It's the thought that counts. A house is an okay present, Edward. I know you chose it with love and that's all that matters."

We walked around the outside, Bella leading me but constantly turning to exclaim over some detail or another.

Inside, things were a bit chaotic as the caterers finished off the final bits and pieces of the meals about to be served when our guests arrived, and so we just glanced at the kitchen and toured the rest of the house instead.

Bella was so excited, I worried I had hit her with too much on the one day.

Finally, she sat down on the staircase and I sat beside her.

"Too much?"

"It's perfect. I can't believe you. Bonnie has the kind of bedroom and adjoining playroom, that little girls dream about. And the nursery... But why all those bedrooms? How many kids are we having?"

"A baseball team?" I suggested.

"Belly, get used to being inflated," she sighed, rubbing her little bump. "Of course, I'll never have a real waist again, you realise."

I put my arms around her. "I don't mind. I didn't marry you for your waist."

"Just as well because I think it's going to expand quite a few inches this week."

"Good. I want everyone to know you aren't out of shape, you are with child," I replied. I was amazingly proud of that baby boy. Of course I had moments of doubts and fears; even nightmares where I wasn't be able to accept a little Jasper clone baby. But it was just a dream. I loved him already, that would not change, I assured myself.

Nothing would change.

"Edward, I have the papers," a voice said and I looked up and held out my hand to shake that of Jay Jenks.

"Papers?" Bella asked.

"Adoption papers. So Bonnie is legally my child," I reminded her.

"Edward," she sighed, "You are too good to be true. Nobody wake me up if this is a dream."

"Where do we sign?" I asked.

"Do you think you could hold off taking my only living child away from me?" a voice growled and I looked towards the door. A tall man with really long black hair stood there, looking at Bella.

"I see you found a replacement already."

"Jacob," Bella cried out.

Yeah. Great place and time to meet the ex.


	12. Chapter 12

Paying The Piper

Chapter 12

EPOV

"We need to talk."

The words sounded ominous and I rubbed the gold band on Bella's finger, reminding her the deed was done. She was mine now, and nothing he may have to say to her could alter that fact. He'd had his chance and he blew it.

"I know we do," she replied, but the way her eyes were softening scared me a little. Bella's capacity for forgiveness was scary. We'd discussed what she would do, should just this scenario ever occur, but neither of us had imagined it would happen this fast. Not on our wedding day. My mind was searching the facts I'd read about weddings and annulments. We had long since consummated our union, but not once since the actual vows. Did that mean she could change her mind and the ceremony could be erased?

She seemed to sense my unease, and turned to kiss my lips and stroke my cheek.

"I'm only going to talk to him, Edward. Jacob understands things will never go back to how they were before," she stated confidently.

She walked away from me and took Jake's hand. "Does Billy know you are back? He's missed you so much. You should go visit him. I'm kind of busy at the moment but we will talk, Jake. Tomorrow."

Jake started to protest but Bella squeezed his hand and looked at him with that look; the one that confirmed she meant what she said and would not back down.

She turned and reached for my hand, which I immediately gave her.

"Come on, Edward, we have wedding guests to greet. See you tomorrow, Jacob. Here, for breakfast? Noon would suit us."

I loved that she made it clear I would be part of the discussion and I narrowed my eyes at him, and he got the message and left silently.

"Damn, today of all days," she sighed, rearranging a smile onto her face and looking into my eyes.

"Ready, Mr Cullen?"

"Of course. Are you ready, Mrs Cullen?"

She grinned. "I am. I guess it could have been worse, he could have arrived in time to interrupt the wedding," she sighed.

Trust Bella to always find the sunny side.

I had little doubt Jake would have tried just that, had he known.

We both refused to let his unexpected appearance spoil our day and as we did the rounds of accepting hugs and kisses and congratulations, I honestly managed to put the intruder into a compartment in my brain under the heading "Tomorrow's problem" and just enjoy this day.

Bella seemed completely relaxed and happy, and I sat down at the head table and pulled her onto my lap.

"We should eat. You should eat. The baby needs sustenance, even if you can keep going on adrenaline alone."

"It's not adrenaline, it's happiness," she replied, kissing my lips unashamedly in front of everyone. "I've never been nearly this happy before, Edward. I don't think you realise how much you have changed my life. It feels like this was the life I was meant to have all along. I can't regret my past because it did give me two beautiful daughters, even if Blythe was only on loan to me, but this baby is just as special, I hope you know that. I can't wait to see him and hold him. I hope he has your hair and eyes," she sighed contentedly.

Something changed, and my heart faltered.

I placed Bella on her bridal chair, complete with white lace and pink roses, and stood up.

"Sit, eat, I just have to go speak to Jasper," I murmured, grabbing Alice and forcibly sitting her in my chair.

"Look after my wife. I need to speak to your husband."

Thoughts were swirling around in my brain. I had the feeling I had jumped to a very wrong conclusion and maybe the reason Bella felt no guilt about the baby and not telling Jasper the truth was because the truth was not what I thought.

The idea seemed too far fetched and impossible, but Bella was not delusional and she just wouldn't build me up to expect this baby to resemble me if there was no chance he would. That would be cruel, and cruel was one thing my Bella was not.

Flashes of that night by the pool made me start to wonder. How much had I drunk? Why had Dream Bella been so hard to control, when Dream Girls always complied, even changed tack mid stream instantly, if that was what I wanted? That whole dream had been strange and much more real. I had smelt her, and felt her skin.

I reigned in my hopes, and tried to prepare myself that this was just my own desperate fantasy and looked for the man who could possibly tell me the truth.

His attitude to me and how it suddenly changed, and the cryptic words about me using Bella could make sense, after all.

He was standing beside Carlisle, drink in hand, looking rather grey and embarrassed. No doubt he had imagined he and Alice would manage to get away with their elopement unscathed, but Dad was giving him a hard time, berating him for not allowing his one and only daughter a day like this one Bella was enjoying.

"Dad, I need to talk to Jazz for a minute," I said, grinning as Jasper's face reflected undying gratitude and relief to be escaping.

"So, I haven't gotten around to congratulating you on your marriage," I opened with. "I hope there's no hard feelings, now, about me stealing Bella away from you."

"No, no, none," he assured me quickly. "Without that, I wouldn't have really seen how perfect Alice is for me. Bella and I would never have made it. I can see that now. I was totally into her, I admit, but the feelings I have for Alice outweigh that...crush...it's not really in the same ball park. It has ended well for us all."

"You must have some regrets," I pushed. "Bella is such a unique prize. Are you sorry about anything?"

He grinned. "Okay, Edward, I do admit I wish I had been the one to, uh, help her out with her Jake erasing," he laughed, "But you repeat that to anyone and I will deny it till my dying day. It's possibly just an ego thing. I've never had any girl refuse me since High School, when occasionally one of your fans decided to wait hopefully for you to get the stick out of your ass and have some fun with them. Most of them happily settled for me, but there were some hold-outs. Some of them did prefer you, but it never really bothered me, like Bella did.

I really liked her from the first time we met. I really thought I was her solution and I did think I was a better choice for her than you, at first.

You didn't even appreciate what you had done. She chose you and you forgot? I've used some lines in my time, but that one took the cake.

Anyway, now I've confessed, tell me honestly, did you really not remember that night you and Bella got busy beside the pool? She was convinced you thought it was a dream. I kind of suspected it was your cowardly way of avoiding the issue and denying to yourself what you had done. Oooh, naughty bad Edward had sex with Bella before even falling in love with her. How very bad of him."

The earth shifted and gravity wavered for a moment. I nodded and I think I smiled at him but my mind was racing, trying to recall details again after all this time and all that had happened since then.

Could it be possible? I thought about the words she'd said, and they did fit an entirely different scenario to the one I had assigned their meaning to. But this was too much, too perfect.

"You know, she is a rarity. How many girls today can say they have only been with two men, and they married both of them?" Jasper sighed. "Not Alice. Not that it's an issue, with my, er, history. It's better that she isn't sitting there brooding about my manwhore years, and she had her own, um, tasting of other flavours. Variety is the spice of life. We are evenly matched. Just like you and Bella. Though it's kind of frustrating, I bet, now. Being her second when if the cards had fallen a different way back in High School, you could have been one another's firsts, and only's, and believe me, you two are the only ones who would think that was a good thing," he laughed. "So, Edward, you never answered my question. Did you really think it was a dream?"

"Everything about Bella is a dream come true," I replied, heading back to my wife. She and Alice had finished eating and I pulled Bella into my arms and onto the dance floor.

"You are welcome," my sister called out crossly, not liking to be ignored, but whatever.

"Tell me about your three best nights," I whispered in Bella's ear as I swept her around in front of our smiling parents and guests.

She grinned.

"Well, they would be hard to choose. I am glad you did know the pool night happened, though at the time, I really did think you had no idea," she said with a smile.

"It was hazy for a long time," I replied honestly.

"Edward, that night was amazing," she admitted. "I felt so guilty afterwards, of course, knowing you didn't like doing hook-ups, but when you consider things, it did make me examine how I really felt about you. You were wrong, you know. You and Jasper were not interchangeable. I never had any feelings beyond friendship for him. I'm so glad you were The One. Especially seeing neither of us had the self control or brains to even think about contraception. What a tangled web we would have woven. God, Edward, this precious child of ours could have been his, had I stuck to the deal. Have you ever considered that?"

"It's never crossed my mind," I lied, holding her closer. God, if there was any gift she could have given me today, this was it. She would never know what I had assumed was the truth. I wanted to shout and lift her to the Heavens and scream to everyone that Bella was carrying MY baby, but that might give the game away.

"Do you really hope he looks like me?" I babbled. I had no preferences at all, just knowing Edward Junior was MY son was amazing. Of course, now the name bothered me a little. I didn't know that I wanted our precious child to be Edward the third.

Maybe I should suggest we name him after Carlisle? My biological father did not deserve his name to be carried on into the future like this. What had he ever done to deserve that honour?

"I want a little boy who looks exactly like you," Bella replied, kissing my cheek. "What could be better? You seem happier, or something," she added.

"I am so very happy, nothing could spoil things now," I answered. Not even Jacob. I was, at the very least, playing on a level playing field now. Bella had his child, but she had mine as well. Even if she started getting pangs about depriving Bonnie of her natural father, she couldn't just leave and go back to him, because then she would be depriving baby Edward of his natural father.

And of course, she loved me.

That gave me an advantage he would never have again.

"Have we been here long enough to be polite?" I whispered in her ear. "I just want to take you upstairs and make love to you all night long. Let's get Emmett to tell everyone to go home now, the party is over."

Bella blushed and lay her head against my chest. Then she looked up at me with sparkling eyes and grinned.

"No, that would be rude. But on the other hand, I'm sure everyone would understand if you finished showing me around the house, so long as it only took us a little while. I never did get to see my kitchen properly."

"Your kitchen is still full of caterers, did I remember to show you the main bedroom?" I checked.

"There's a main bedroom?" she replied in pretend shock. "I was so busy admiring the children's bedrooms, I don't think I took enough time looking at our bedroom. Gosh, if you don't take me up there now, how will I even know where it is later, when the guests are gone?"

"That would be a tragedy," I agreed. "Come on, we have to do this. I'll tell the caterer's to break out some more champagne and I bet nobody will even notice our absence."

"Edward," she warned as I carried her upstairs, "one mark on this dress and you are toast."

"Then I guess it's time you got naked..I mean, changed, into your going away outfit," I replied, helping her to remove the cloud of white tulle and lace.

X~x~X

EPOV

I opened my eyes, and tried to make sense of the clock beside the bed. How could it be one o'clock and yet fully daylight? Anyway, we hadn't come to bed, for the night, until 2am and time didn't tend to go backwards, so what did this mean?

"Good afternoon," Bella said quietly, as I was sneaking up behind her and spooning my body in close around hers. My hands were on her belly and I snickered into her shoulder.

"Looks like baby gave up hiding himself away."

She lifted the blankets and laughed. I swear sheer willpower had kept her waist slim and now, all need for that was gone, so our son had moved into the extensions and was enjoying the new space inside my wife.

"I need lunch," she said.

"Oh, now things make sense," I replied. "it's afternoon. We slept through the entire morning."

"Not surprising," Bella replied, "We didn't get much sleep last night."

"No, we didn't, did we."

"Oh, we were supposed to meet Jacob at twelve," she sighed. "Do you think he is still waiting?"

I frowned and jumped out of bed, pulling on my black robe.

"I'll go check. I don't think he would have hung around if we didn't hear him knocking."

The back door was still locked but out on the lawn, a small party of people sat at the table in the Summerhouse. My Mom threw me an anxious look, and I felt my hackles rise. Bonnie was sitting on the lap of her grandfather, Billy Black, but Jacob was sitting there beside him, talking to the little girl and making her smile cautiously. Charlie was unsure where to look, and was holding a finger out to Bonnie, who was holding it and exercising her teeth around it.

Esme immediately came towards me, and I unlocked and opened the door.

"They arrived just as we did. Bella wanted Bonnie back in time for lunch, and we couldn't wake you two, so I didn't know what to do. She refused to go to Jacob, but then, he is a complete stranger to her. I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't know what else to do. She loves Billy and wanted to go to him."

"It's fine," I replied tersely, sorry I had put her in that position. Bella padded down the staircase, dressed but her hair was still tousled and wild and she was trying unsuccessfully to smooth it down with her hand. I kissed the top of her head and assured her, it looked fine. I guess I wanted Jake to see her like this, fresh from my bed. Her cheeks were pink, and her eyes held that light that they always did after lovemaking. No doubt he would recognise it, but she was mine now, and I was the one who made her look this way.

"I'll throw some clothes on," I said, hurrying upstairs.

Bella nodded and walked into the kitchen, putting coffee on to brew. "I'll wait for you."

Esme busied herself, getting out mugs and I rushed up and grabbed a pair of blue jeans and a Tshirt, and pulled them on. I wanted to be there to support Bella through this conversation and true to her word, she was waiting when I ran back down. Mom and Bella had made sandwiches from the leftovers, so I took the tray from the bench and carried it outside.

Carlisle and his companions could have easily fit around our dining room table but the Blacks were not the ideal first guests: I preferred meeting them outside. I placed the tray down onto the table and to my joy, Bonnie clapped her hands and held them out to me, shrieking my name.

"Dadda."

I scooped her up and kissed her cheek then sat down beside Bella, holding our little girl firmly. WE were a family.

Jake gave me a look of envy and desolation but he had chosen this road. He had run and left his girls alone and he had nobody to blame but himself. I felt little sympathy until I realised I had no idea how I would react if a child of mine died. Especially one who had struggled and fought to survive. He had spent months by Blythe's bedside in the various hospitals and unfortunately the diagnosis had been far more optimistic than reality.

He'd been so sure she would be saved. That's what all the so called experts had promised. Carlisle had told me Blythe's life had never been considered to be in danger, until the very end. And the way the end came, so unexpectedly fast, almost out of the blue.

Jake had not had anybody to talk to about this. Bella had repeated the story to me so many times it was almost as if I had been there myself, and I knew she had been severely traumatised. The worst had been, she said, sitting there beside her daughter's metal crib, feeling sorry for the parent's of the terminally ill infants, even feeling some 'survivor's guilt' because Blythe was never on the Danger list.

Blythe had a health issue, and it was scary and worrisome but each day, some health professional or another cheerily assured them all the end was in sight, she would recover and one day this would all be just part of her past medical history on a chart.

She would recover, and grow normally and while none of them would forget, there would come the day when they had their old lives back, and as they moved past relief, they would start thinking about ways to give back.

Bella would join one of the many groups who raised funds for the Children's Ward, and she would be one of the Lucky Ones, whose story had a happy ending. She would allow Blythe, with her incredible looks, to be the poster child.

"My daughter fought off a terrible illness in this hospital when she was just a toddler, but look at her now. So beautiful and healthy. Not all patients are as lucky, so please give generously when the hospital begins it's annual appeal, and know every penny goes towards helping other children have as good an outcome as Blythe did. Thank you."

But it hadn't ended that way.

Suddenly things changed, just when the doctors were thinking Blythe's ordeal was almost over. Suddenly she was one of the more worrying patients and her parents were thrown into a panic, conceiving a baby in desperation.

A new ray of hope for them all, then the devastating news that the embryo was not a match. Not a magic solution. Not a cure for the child they lived for.

Maybe I would have wanted Bella to terminate and try again, how do I know?

I looked at Bonnie and my heart contracted painfully. If it were her life on the line and we knew baby Edward could not save her, how far would I want Bella to go, in the hope of saving our little girl?

It was way past the stage where our son could be terminated but that didn't change the fact that I could feel a little taste of how Jake must have felt.

Blythe was the 'real' child; the one that lived and breathed, Bonnie had just been the theory. She'd been, medically, a group of cells with the possible potential to grow and become this amazing child, but her continued gestation had taken away all hope of a cure.

Jake had no way of knowing that time was against them, anyway and even had Bonnie been a match, it was all academic. Too late.

She'd appeared to be the death knell for Blythe. No doubt he'd felt Bella's insistence on keeping the pregnancy had been a betrayal of a sort. He'd agreed to start a new pregnancy for one reason and it had failed. He was a man, he wanted to save what they had, and he could not see this newcomer as a child equally worthy of a life.

He wanted to fix Blythe, not replace her.

I rocked my daughter in my arms and acknowledged, I would die for her. I did know how he had felt about Blythe. I had seen the desperation he must have felt reflected in the eyes of other parents as my Father and I treated small, helpless patients and I knew there would always be that unlucky little group that would not make it through the struggle. But the parents would do anything; cut off a limb if it helped. We'd had parents donate kidneys, and have part of their livers removed and shaved down to fit inside their children. Many of them would give their hearts to replace their child's faulty organs if it were possible.

I had no right to judge Jacob Black, because I had never stood in his shoes.

When Bella looked at me, seeking my understanding and maybe even my blessing, I nodded.

I trusted Bella with all my heart and I knew she would do whatever was fair and best for us all.

"Maybe you and Jake should talk about this alone," I said, and Bella smiled such a beautiful smile of thanks, I felt myself go warm and fuzzy inside.

My irrational fears that she would run back to Jacob were unfounded, I knew that, but I also knew the child in my arms had three parents, and just as I had been mentally prepared to share baby Edward with Jasper, I knew I had to agree to share Bonnie with her Other Father.

X~x~X

BPOV

"I'm so sorry," Jake said, as we walked away from the silent group. Silent except for the shrieks of delight coming from Bonnie as her father hugged her little body in his arms and kissed the top of her head.

"We needed you," I replied, instantly regretting the harshness in my tone.

"I know you did. I can never make that up to you. I know you think I don't deserve to have any contact with Bonnie, but please hear me out."

"Jake, I don't think that, not at all. And I know Edward doesn't either." I could read my man like an open book. He was already preparing himself to let go, just a little, because he knew Bonnie was the important one here and Jake was her father. Much as I wished Edward was, he was her Daddy, no more.

Not that he was any less important, but Jacob was important as well and there was no way either of us ever wanted her hating us in the future because we kept her from Jacob.

He may have no legal rights to her, but morally, I knew I could not, and would not, keep her from him.

"I just couldn't handle Blythe's passing. I know you coped, somehow, and I know men are supposed to be the strong ones, there to support their wife in such a time of tragedy, but I had never given up hope. I thought they would save our baby girl, Bella. I know I reacted badly when you refused to abort, but it was so stressful and I felt like you were turning on me and on Blythe. You held the key and when it was the wrong key, you refused to try again and maybe find the right key."

"I couldn't sacrifice one child for the other," I choked. I still didn't know, deep down, if I had made the right decision. Not really.

I mean, I know there was no hope for Blythe anyway, but what what if there had been? What if she had been granted another year? What if Bonnie's birth had truly cost Blythe her life?

How would I feel about her now if she had lived at Blythe's expense? It hadn't ended up that way, but it could have.

I had chosen her over our first child.

"We never discussed what we would do if the embryo wasn't a match. That was stupid. I assumed it would be a perfect match first time and I was devastated when it wasn't. It wasn't a baby to me, Bella. It was a way to save Blythe, or not, as it turned out. I assumed we were on the same page, and were only doing it to get a match. That was the way everyone made it sound. Get pregnant, take the cord blood at delivery, save Blythe.

I saw your refusal to terminate as such a betrayal. We never said we wanted another baby. We said we wanted to try and save our daughter, through whatever means necessary. To me, those means included terminating any non matches. Clearly we should have discussed that beforehand."

"We should have, Jacob. I know you blamed me for not trying again, but it just seemed so cruel and heartless. Getting rid of a baby because it was not useful. I felt she had a right to live. She didn't volunteer to be conceived, and agree to die if she wasn't a match."

Jake turned and faced me.

"You gave up on Blythe. You knew she was going to die. I didn't. I never considered it for one moment."

"Maybe I did know," I admitted. My dreams at that point in time had never shown me a happy ending. They had been so real and vivid and clear but in none of them had Blythe been older than she was when she died. I never saw glimpses of her future. She stayed our eternal baby.

"I reacted in the worst way and I still miss Blythe every moment of every day," Jacob admitted.

"It's take me all this time to even want to find you and Bonnie. At first I just wanted to die too, and be with my daughter."

I could relate. How many times had I wanted to just give up and go to her myself? Only Bonnie had held me here and to be entirely honest, that day on the clifftops... I don't know what I would have chosen, had Esme not found me.

Even Bonnie had not seemed to be enough to stay for, for one brief moment.

"I miss her too, Jacob," I replied.

He stepped closer and put his arms around me and rested his head on top of mine.

"She was an amazing kid."

"She was," I agreed.

"She was too good for this life, I can see that now."

"Jake, she was unlucky. If she had lived, we wouldn't have considered this life was not good enough for her."

"I suppose. I just feel like I lost my heart that day, Bella. All I have is this blank space, here, in my chest. It took over, and I even forgot how much I loved you."

"It's okay, Jake," I murmured. It was all too little, too late. The arms holding me had once been the only ones I ever wanted to be in but now they were the wrong arms.

"If I could go back, I would handle it better, I tell myself," he sighed, kissing my head.

"We can't go back, and we have both done what we needed to do to survive," I explained. "I found Edward and he saved me, Jake. I hope someone can save you, too. But it's not me."

"I know. But it could be Bonnie," he answered.

"Jake, we can share. It will take time for her to get to know you, but eventually, she will realise what a wonderful person you are, and she will be proud to call you her father. But you have to allow Edward the same rights and respect the fact that he has been there for her. No matter why you weren't here, as understandable as it is for us adults, she only knows you are a stranger. She is always going to think Edward is her real father. It's an emotion, not a biological fact. If someone told you there'd been a mix up and Billy was not your father, that Harry was, you wouldn't be able to change how you feel about them."

"I know. Believe it or not, I'm glad someone was there for you. I wasn't surprised it was Edward Cullen."

"Really?" I said in surprise. "But why? I barely knew him."

Jake laughed.

"I heard his name, from your lips, so many times when you were asleep. He fascinated you, whether you knew it or not. It was always 'Edward this, Edward that'. The writing has always been on the wall for those of us who could read it. I knew we probably didn't have forever, right from the start."

"Jake," I protested. "I can't be made accountable for what I said in my sleep. I didn't know I even thought about him. He was way out of my league."

"See, that's where you were wrong. He was never good enough for you, Bella. You thought he was so perfect and so beautiful, and I admit, I encouraged you to think I was the best you could hope for, because I knew if he ever acknowledged how much he wanted you, he could snap his fingers and you would go to him."

"Jake, he didn't know I existed," I replied.

"Yes he did, actually. But luckily for me, he thought you were too good for him. He bet on the girl who already wanted him openly. He played it safe and he missed the big prize. Once you were carrying Blythe, I thought we were safe. I knew you were one person who would never leave her family, no matter what. I have nobody to blame but myself. I left you here and he took you."

I laughed, this time.

"Jake, I had to fight for him. And not against other girls, like you would assume. I had to fight to make him see we were meant to be together. It hasn't been all sunshine and roses. I even lured him into my web with Bonnie as the sweetener."

Jake shook his head. "Bella, don't kid yourself, it was always going to end this way. I think I knew that when I left. I knew I wasn't completely leaving you to the wolves, because somehow, some way, Edward Cullen would step in and save you both."

**A/N I watched a LOT of dvd's, Crazy Stupid Love is really cute, and has a cool twist.**


	13. Chapter 13

Paying The Piper

Chapter 13

EPOV

Things were not as bad as I had always feared. I knew one day Jacob would return, because it made no sense that he could just stay away and never seek out Bella again. She was not the forgettable type.

She was the sort of girl that made herself a comfy nest inside your heart and lived inside there, waiting for you to see sense and acknowledge how much you loved her. Maybe I always had. I know I always had feelings of some degree for her.

I knew why she had my black hoodie. I remembered that day clearly. She had looked paler than usual, if that was possible and seemed distracted and almost in pain then I had looked her over for the tenth time that lesson and noticed the red stain spreading on the back of her white jeans.

I was a teenage boy and my first instinct was to look away and pretend to not have noticed but my conscience kicked in.

I didn't want the other students noticing her situation and laughing at her.

My first thought had been to delay her there, asking her about some assignment we had to complete together, until the other students had cleared the room after the bell, but that still meant she had to walk the hallways.

My only other idea was to maybe shadow her so closely nobody would see her through me, but that would possibly make her think I was some weird stalker type. We had talked many times and discussed our lessons and homework and such, but I had never invaded her personal space and if I did that now, she would react and maybe draw even more attention to herself.

Then I noticed Mike Newton pull off his sweater and tie it around his waist, flexing his new baby sized pecs, hoping the girls would notice he had been working out in his new home gym.

That gave me the solution.

I'd tapped her arm and she had turned to face me.

"Bella, I don't want to embarrass you, but it seems to be that time of the month," I said in little more than a whisper.

She'd frowned for a second, then blushed and looked down towards her crotch.

"Wonderful," she had sighed."And today I wore white."

"Here, take this and tie it around your waist," I'd offered, stripping off my hoodie and handing it to her.

She stood up and did just that and gave me a weak smile through the curtain of brown hair that almost hid her embarrassed face.

"I'll be the distraction. You just walk out of here," I suggested.

I stood and coughed loudly and when Mr Banner looked at me, I started a loud and ridiculous argument about the facts he was writing on the board.

"How can that be possible? How can an onion root be the same as flatworms? It makes no sense. Surely you have to stick to examples within the same species? Is this whole subject just a complete waste of time for you as well as us?" I asked loudly, drawing every eye to me, as Bella slipped unnoticed from the room.

"Mr Cullen, are you experiencing a brain storm? This is completely out of character. Sit down, and if you have an issue with the subject matter, we can discuss it after class. Maybe in Detention."

Having achieved my goal, I sat down and several students looked at me and snickered. The girls looked confused about what had happened and the boys were clearly trying to figure out my angle. What had my little outburst been about?

I turned and watched out the window as Bella got into her truck and drove away.

"What was that all about?" Kate asked me later at lunch.

"I plead temporary insanity," I replied, refusing to explain. There was no point telling anyone or the whole thing would be pointless.

I'd waited for Bella to return but it was a Friday and it was Monday before she stepped inside school property again.

She gave me a quick, shy smile of gratitude as she walked past our group and I acknowledged it with a nod, and watched her walk away.

Kate slapped me on the arm.

"What?" I protested.

"Stop undressing Bella Swan with your eyes," she growled.

"I wasn't," I defended myself.

"Edward, it is polite to make some effort to pretend you are so into your girlfriend that you never even notice the existence of other female students," Kate replied.

"Edward loves Bella," Emmett chortled in his usual infantile manner. "Edward and Bella, sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G.."

"Shut up. Kate is my girlfriend, if I fancied Bella Swan I would ask her out instead. But I haven't, because Kate is my girl," I blustered.

"That almost sounded sincere," Rose laughed, stepping on my toe. Like her weight could hurt me through my Docs. "He is too chicken shit to ask her out because he knows she would say no. And he has the rest of the females here gagging for him, but not her. She recognises him for the douche he is. You are lucky Kate is blind to your incredible douchiness."

Jasper Whitlock walked into the yard and threw me a wave and I left the group and walked towards him, pulling out the sheet of music from my bag.

"I came up with this. See what you think," I said, handing it over.

"Nice," he grinned, his eyes taking in the notes and lyrics. We strode to the picnic tables at the back and pulled out the guitars that were forever in our hands in those days.

I strummed as he joined in and he grinned and nodded.

"At the risk of sounding like some gay homosexual girlie boy, you and I could make beautiful music together," he laughed.

"I bet you say that to all the boys," I replied.

"Hmm, actually I keep that line for the ladies," he answered. "Who inspired this? It's beautiful."

"I was fooling around on my piano last night and it just came to me."

"Edward, come on. I can feel what you were feeling when you wrote it. Is this for Kate?"

"Yeah, sure, Kate," I replied, blushing at the lie.

"Oh, I get it. Edward has a secret love. I won't tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me. But if you feel this deeply for her, what are you doing with Kate?"

"Because Kate and I are good together and this girl," I replied, tapping the music sheet," she would not be good for me. She'd have the capacity to break my heart and I don't think it would be safe in her hands. She has this boyfriend and they seem pretty tight and I don't think she sees me this way. I'm in the dreaded 'friend' zone with her and you know how hard it is to ever break free of that and make her see we could be more. We could be amazing," I sighed dreamily.

Jasper played the song and sang the lyrics and I turned in surprise as Kate touched my arm.

"You wrote that? For me?"

"He did," Jasper said, catching my eye. "Just for you."

"I had no idea you felt that deeply for me," she said seriously.

I leaned and kissed her, quickly scanning for teachers in the vicinity first. PDA's had gotten us into trouble a few times in the past.

"We are a perfect match, aren't we?" Kate sighed, leaning her body against the side of mine.

"Sweet, cute. Safe," Jasper replied, not looking up from the music sheet.

"Safe," I agreed. "It's better to be safe than sorry."

"Sure, it's better to appreciate what you have and never step out and take a risk. Who knows what that could lead to?" he said cryptically.

"What's this song called?" Kate asked eagerly. "I mean, if it's for me, is it Kate's Song?"

"It's more a lullaby," Jasper answered. "A love song. A name like that would detract from it's beauty. Let's just call it Edward's Heart's Desire."

Kate smiled and I knew tonight would be the night, if I wanted it to be. She'd been showing willing for some time but something had been holding me back. Being a virgin in Senior Year was starting to feel freakish. Everyone else was getting it on, why was I so reluctant?

"My parents have to go to a Sports Dinner in Seattle Friday evening. Coach has to make one of his inspirational speeches to some jocks. They are staying over in a hotel and I'm going to be home alone. The sisters have dates and I think they will be taking advantage and having sleepovers at their boyfriends places. Can you come help me with my homework?" Kate asked quietly, snuggling into my side.

I shrugged.

I knew what I was agreeing to if I said yes.

"I'll let you know," I replied, avoiding her eyes. It was time to put up or shut up. Kate had been so patient and seemed to understand, for me, it wasn't ever going to be casual and unthinking, and 'just sex'. It was a commitment and I wasn't one hundred per cent sure I was ready for that. Not when a certain brunette seemed to appear inside my brain so often.

Bella seemed agitated in Biology and didn't speak. She seemed to be off with the fairies.

"Anything I can help you with?" I asked her, finally, in a lull between Banner's lecturing.

"Jacob," she sighed. "It's his birthday on Friday and I know what he wants for his birthday gift."

"Can't you afford it? Anything you give him, he will love," I replied.

"It's not something you can wrap, Edward. It's more a gift of...myself."

"Oh," I replied. It seemed sex was rearing it's head everywhere today.

"He's so sweet to me and such a caring boyfriend, and everyone, including my father, assumes we are doing it already anyway. It seems kind of churlish to refuse him that final step."

"Is it what you truly want? That's the important question, surely. Don't think about what everyone else wants you to do. Follow your heart."

She tapped her pencil against the desktop.

"It's different for you. For guys. You all seem to think it's just a natural progression. It starts with a kiss and you know the final destination and you do whatever the girl asks just to get there. But it's a big thing to us. You only get to have one first time. It has to be meaningful and special."

"Is Jake special?" I asked.

She fondled the chain bracelet around her wrist and raised the small carved wolf hanging from it to her lips and kissed it.

"He is special. The question is, is he special enough?"

"Only you know the answer," I replied.

" He made this for me. He carved it himself."

"It's beautiful," I replied.

"It's more meaningful than a diamond, for instance. Anyone can buy a diamond, but Jake sat up night after night making this with his own hands. Look at the detail. It's so fragile and it's a one of a kind. He loves me," she sighed happily.

"He makes you happy," I agreed.

"I'm just concerned about next year. Charlie would skin me alive if I didn't go to SeattleU like he has always planned. But Jake's dad is starting to have second thoughts about Jake going as well. I'm scared we wouldn't last as a long distance relationship. I mean, yeah, Seattle is not that far away, but it still costs money to come home to visit. I can't hold down a part time job if I leave every weekend to return here."

Money had never been an issue for us, so I found it hard to imagine how things were for most students my age. I was lucky.

"If you two are meant to be, it will last through whatever hurdles arise, surely," I replied.

"Yes, but that just makes me think we need to solidify the relationship before we are parted. We need to become a proper couple, in every sense of the words. Thanks, Edward. I guess I know the answer now."

"Be safe," I cautioned her.

"Hmm, being safe might not be the best precaution," she smirked.

We didn't share any further classes for that week and on Friday I saw her run to the car park and climb on to the back of his motorbike. She saw me and gave me a cheery thumbs up, behind Jake's back. As they roared off, Kate skipped up and put her hand in mine.

"So, are you staying with me tonight?"

"Why not?" I decided. It was time to consummate the relationship. We'd dated for two years already. She'd start to suspect I liked Jasper if I kept delaying.

There was no earthly reason to remain virginal. Nobody else was.

Bella was different after that weekend. Her every thought seemed to be about Jake and the question of whether he would be going to Seattle as well, but in the end, things worked out for them and he stood and applauded loudly as she walked across the stage to receive her Graduation Certificate and I never saw her again.

I went to New York, and Kate came with me, and so began the on/off relationship that we both tried to make fit into a mould it had never been made from.

Something was missing, something didn't quite gel.

She resented that I refused to play that song for her, but how could I? It had never been about her, and I didn't need the reminder of that other girl. The one who had a whole full life of her own, without me.

I gave up my music and concentrated on becoming a doctor. Maybe one day I could make a difference. Maybe one day Charlie Swan would take a bullet in the line of duty and I would be the one to save his life.

Maybe one day Bella would have a baby and I would get to deliver it.

Or maybe she would come down with something rare, the Spanish flu, and I would know the cure.

Maybe one day I would be able to step in and save her.

X~x~X

Bella bustled about, packing a small bag and checking the contents a dozen times.

"She will be fine. She knows him now, and he did miss her first birthday so it's only fair he gets to spoil her for an entire weekend now," she reassured herself.

I stepped up and put my arms around her waist and placed my hands onto our son, who was kicking and no doubt being stirred up by her agitation.

She leaned her head back onto my shoulder and I nuzzled her throat.

"Bonnie is used to him now and she knows he is special," I admitted ruefully. It seemed my job had always been to prepare the girls I loved to be shared with Jacob Black. Maybe if I'd seen him as the enemy back in High School, and fought for Bella, I may have even won her. She had never known how much I cared for her or how many times I had thought about her and sometimes my dreams about her had caused yet another rift between Kate and I.

I felt like a fraud, and a liar, as I lay in bed beside her and professed my love for her when I knew , even in her absence, Bella had taken a part of my heart and was keeping it so I could never give it in it's entirety to Kate. I refused to examine it closely and see which half she held, the smaller or the bigger part.

I did what I had to do to survive and locked her into a place in my mind and tried to forget she even existed. I found myself sniffing the aroma of every other girl I met and I had no clue why, until the day Bella Swan stood at my parents door and I smelled her unique aroma again.

It reminded me of Biology classes, and the weird joy I had felt just being in her presence and breathing in her scent.

But we were grown ups by then, and we had taken different pathways and I refused to let any old lingering feelings be reborn. She had married Jake, as expected, and she had a child. I was with Tanya. Though I admit, at that moment , my eyes had jerked open and admitted the truth of that union.

Tanya never stood a snowflakes chance in Hell from that moment onwards. I don't think I even admitted why, to myself, but it was like the detour road had just closed and we were back on the path we should have taken from the start.

And she was right, I always knew the destination but it involved gold bands and promises, not just crisp white sheets. She had underestimated what I wanted from her, from the beginning.

With Bella Swan, it had to be the whole package. Her baggage was irrelevant. I'd have accepted her with a dozen children to a dozen other men, if that had been how things stood.

Bonnie ran out and threw her arms around my legs and forced me to release Bella and stoop to pick her up.

"Hey Pumpkin Pie, you be good for Daddy Jacob, and Grampy Billy, okay? And Grampy Charlie and Sue will be there for some of the time, so you have lots of fun."

"No," she replied, holding around my neck tightly. "Bonnie stay with Dadda."

"Bonnie has to stay with Daddy Jacob for two sleeps," I replied, holding up two fingers.

"Then when she gets back, Dadda will be ready for our next swimming lesson in the pool. Okay?"

" 'kay" she agreed with a frown.

"Daddy Jake has a present for you," Bella told her. We had somehow never thought to buy her a tricycle and Jacob was pleased about that and he planned to teach her fat little legs how to master riding it over the weekend.

Jake knocked and walked inside as was his custom now and I placed our daughter onto the floor so she could go to him. It hurt, but in a good way. If anything ever happened to me, and I prayed it wouldn't, at least Bonnie would always still have a Father.

"Hey Bonnie, I like your dress. You look like a princess in that dress," he said, crouching but letting her approach at her own pace. He was very sensitive to her feelings and he accepted that I would probably always be the alpha parent in her heart but he was willing to accept beta status.

Bonnie strolled closer and then looked back at us and we both smiled and nodded. She held her hands out to Jake and he lifted her up.

"So, what plans do you two have for this weekend?" he asked, rubbing Bonnie's back. "I'm guessing it's more Monopoly than mad passion these days, with that bump coming between you."

Bella bristled and I laughed and caught her hand. She didn't have to explain or justify our sex life to him. I was a doctor and what we were continuing to share together was perfectly safe, even as the time for the birth rushed towards us. I would never do anything to place her or the baby in jeopardy, I was not some sex crazed monster.

"I should go. We should go, hey Bonnie. Grampy Charlie is taking us home in the cruiser."

Bonnie clapped her hands and he carried her outside and I put her little pink bag into the trunk.

"Lights," she demanded. "Wah-wah, wah wah."

"Okay, you can have the works, lights and siren," Charlie agreed as Jake strapped her into her car seat. I often wondered what the perps thought about being in the back of a police car with a baby seat beside them.

Bella waved until the car was long gone and I took her hand and led her inside, closing the front door and leading her upstairs, back to bed. Our alone time was definitely limited now. Any old day, this infant would decide he wanted to emerge and get a look at the swimming pool he had been conceived beside.

Bella blushed whenever I mentioned it, but I had always accepted my share of the blame for what happened. She had not seduced me, like some siren as she imagined. I had always given my Dream Girls a hard time and I had not doubt whatever we had done was as much my decision as hers. I just wished she would relax and share the details that Jack Daniels or SoCo had robbed me of remembering.

The way I looked at it, we had several First Times. Who wouldn't envy that? The only first time I would erase if I could was the one between Kate and I. I knew I was a hypocrite, always berating others for having sex without the essential to me, feelings of complete love and commitment and I never really felt that way for Kate, not even that first night we spent together.

There had been the ghost of another girl in the very edge of my vision and I hated myself for thinking of her, and what she was doing that same night with Jacob, as Kate gave me her most precious gift. I hadn't deserved it, and Hell, now I wished I had never taken it. Kate would never know, and I felt bad about the whole thing, but I knew I only had one person to blame and that was me.

It was true I had never felt worthy of Bella and the actions I took, when she made it clear she was not going to respond to how I felt back then, or give me the slightest encouragement, had proved that beyond the shadow of a doubt.

I once heard a song by Crosby, Stills and Nash on the radio and had cringed.

The lyrics went something like "_if you can't be with the one you love, Honey, love the one you're with"._

That had never been my philosophy yet there I was, with Kate, letting my mind wander back to High School and Biology even as my girlfriend stripped off her clothing and offered me her body, again. I hovered above her and looked into her bright blue eyes and told myself blue was my favorite colour for eyes; and that brown was shallow and blank and empty.

I tried to reign in my thoughts and enjoy being in the moment and banish all wondering what that other girl felt like to touch.

I was sure she never thought of me, so why did I think of her?

I told myself I did not buy Kate that small brown haired puppy just because when it ran in the sun, it's coat glowed with red highlights. She had wanted a white poodle and I had gone to the breeder with every intention of buying just that, then the small terrier had escaped and run across the lawn in front of me, and I'd suddenly decided this pup was so much prettier.

I'd even lied and paid the breeder to change her intended registered name from Keltie's Joy to Izzy, so I could keep that name and convince Kate the pup was used to it already so we shouldn't change it.

I'd been devastated when Izzy died five years later from a tick.

Kate had been disappointed when I remained firm on going back to Forks after my studies were done, to work alongside my father at Forks Hospital, when hospitals in New York were offering far more lucrative offers. How could I stay, when the chances Bella Swan Black would ever cross those thresholds were so slim?

She was a girl who loved her home town and if I ever wanted to live on the outskirts of her life, Forks it had to be. I just wanted to be near her and protect her, not come between her and Jacob. I told myself that a million times. It was just something she had stirred up inside me, the need to be there should she ever need me in any way.

Emmett called bullshit every time I ever mentioned anything like that so I learned to never let her name cross my lips.

He still saw her, ironically, even before I returned. He and Rose became friends of a sort, and my ears were always hungry for any scrap of information about her and her child and her marriage. It felt wrong but it also felt like just something she had to do before...

Before what?

Before she became mine.

I could have so easily pulled her into my arms and kissed her that day in Mom's sitting room as she begged for the chance to see her daughter,

Instead I tried to lock her out of my heart and treat her as the friend she had wanted to remain in School. She hadn't wanted me, well, I didn't want her either.

I could have walked away and avoided all contact but instead I found myself offering her a job I instantly invented, and a home, because she needed a home and the one she had lived in inside my heart was too small now.

I'd tried to step back and let her have her way with Jasper, that unworthy man who didn't even remember her from School. I tried to keep my distance.

It was she who had forced things and forged on ahead and I knew then that she had always known, on some level, that I was putty in her hands. All she had to do was tell me to jump and I would ask how high.

Like that day when she explained the bedroom sex rules...did she seriously think she could open that door and not have me bolt inside on the first opportunity?

The joke was on me, we had already consummated the dream in such a way I couldn't even realise it had really happened, but all that mattered was she wanted me now and I was not going to walk away.

Not this time. This time I was ready and willing to place my heart in her hands and let her do with it what she chose.

And she chose to love it, and love me, and to have my baby.

I entered her tenderly from behind, smiling a little at how unimaginative Jake must be to not know there were ways to avoid the bump completely, as I pushed inside my home.

I paused as she surrounded me tightly, and I rested my head against the back of hers and breathed her in. True, I preferred to face her and see her eyes as she welcomed me inside, but this was good too. This was warm, and safe and special.

I put my arms around her and held her tight and kissed the top of her head.

"Bella, you have no idea how long I waited for you," I said, without thinking.

"I believe I do," she replied, taking my hand to her lips and kissing it. Maybe I was wrong, yet again, and she had always known. "I wore that hoodie for years, you know. I always knew who I belonged to."

Why hadn't one of us had the courage to speak up, from the very start? How bad could it be, to have the other have to admit at worst, they didn't return those feelings? It would not have been the end of the world. We were parting and going off in different directions anyway. It wasn't like we'd see one another every day and one would be embarrassed at the declaration and the other embarrassed to have had to hear it.

We'd wasted so much time. She'd lived through so much pain and that could have all been avoided, with just a few words from me.

I thrust inside her gently and placed one hand on her mound, stroking her clit as she opened her legs to me.

The song came out of nowhere, and I sang the words I'd always felt about her and she cried little warm tears onto the pillow.

"It was always you," I admitted.

"I was Edward's Heart's Desire?" she asked, but she knew the answer.

"You were, you are, you always have been."

She lay in my arms for hours that morning, and we rested. Maybe on some level we knew this was our last day of being just us. Tomorrow would bring a new life to join ours and it would be the first day of the rest of our lives.

**.**


	14. Chapter 14

Paying The Piper

Chapter 14

EPOV

I rolled over and felt the absence of her. Sitting up, tired beyond all reason, I looked towards the bathroom. Oh, her bladder again no doubt. It was the size of a newborns, with that baby's head resting on top of it 24/7. I did sympathise but I wanted my wife back in my bed with me.

Waiting for her return, I scratched my head and hoped the activities of last night hadn't hurt her in any way. She still wanted to participate and not just lay there and make me do all the work. I was quite willing to, but Bella wanted complete involvement.

We had tried something new. Me standing beside the bed, her flat on her back with her legs hanging over the side.

She preferred to be able to see me, just as I liked to watch her eyes. I had been in pretty deep and maybe had forgotten to be gentle, in the throws of passion. Watching Bella right there in front of me, moaning and crying out, I had gotten too turned on to refrain from pounding her and I may have not restrained myself enough. She needed to put a leash on me so I could only invade her shallowly. Just the tip.

I would remember that tonight and be more careful.

Why was she taking so long? I walked to the bathroom door and knocked.

I could hear Bella breathing loudly, inside the room and I risked opening the door, then ran to her side. She was on the floor, barely conscious. How the fuck had this happened?

Blood was smeared on her inner thighs and as I attempted to lift her, a gush of water splashed down her legs.

"Bella, Baby, are you okay?" I asked her anxiously, lifting her onto our bed and calling the ambulance then Carlisle.

She seemed unharmed other than a small bump I could feel on her head. She had fallen and labour had begun. I wasn't panicking but I did need to leave her to unlock the front door.

Then I heard my father use his key. He had beaten the ambulance.

"Up here, Dad," I called.

I slid a pillow beneath Bella's head and checked her breathing. She seemed okay but I wanted her to wake up completely and confirm that. Just as Dad walked in, Bella suddenly sat up and opened her eyes, screaming.

"Hey, it's okay. We are both here. You are in labour," I told her as she grabbed at her belly. "Lay down, Bella. the ambulance is on it's way."

Her skin was surprisingly cold, making me wonder how long she had lain there on the tiles.

"Make it stop, Edward. It hurts too much," she cried out.

Carlisle gloved up and glanced at me for permission.

"Can Dad examine you, Love?" I asked her, taking her hands.

"Yes, if he must," she replied, laying back down.

"Um, Edward...maybe you want to deliver him yourself. The head is crowning."

"Do you want me to hold you and help you or do you want me to deliver our son?' I asked her.

"You deliver him," she replied, and Dad swapped places and helped Bella into position to push, as I waited and eased the head out of her.

I quickly checked for any sign that the cord was around his neck, and eased it over his head when there proved to be a single thread. He slid out immediately then, as Bella screamed and Dad cheered and baby Edward appeared in my hands. He looked good, and started bellowing immediately.

"What do you think, Dad?" I asked, holding the baby out.

"Whoa. Eight pounds?" Carlisle replied. "Did she tear?"

"Nope," I replied proudly. Bella was watching the baby, her eyes wide as I lay him face down on her chest and stripped off my glove to clear his mouth with my finger.

"That was fast. Fast is good," Dad told her as she reached for her first son. He grabbed a towel and started rubbing the blood off his grandson's body as I assessed the placenta's progress and helped it out.

The bleeding was minimal and it seemed to have been a textbook birth. We liked those kind. No panicking, no brushes with death. Just a new life in the room.

Dad took over so I could be with Bella and the baby and I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead.

"Well, let me say it was a lot easier the third time, but I could have done without the headache."

"Do you know how long you were in there?" I asked her, checking her pulse.

"It was two o'clock almost to the minute and I fell about two minutes later," she replied. It was three minutes past three so less than an hour but I still should have woken up earlier and found her. It could have been bad, with the baby so close to emerging.

"I missed the worst of the pain, anyway," she said happily, holding her son.

"Are we really naming him Edward?" I asked her. I wasn't sure I like that idea much at all, now he was here. He looked like me, as she had hoped, but he didn't resemble my Father and for that I was grateful.

"We could always name him after Jasper," she suggested, and I cringed.

"You knew?"

"Edward, you are an open book. I just loved how you loved the baby and wanted him anyway, even though you thought he wasn't yours. That was amazing but I had to clear that up before it went on too long. I wanted you to enjoy our wedding day to the full."

"Thank you. I did want him, regardless. He was always yours, that was enough for me."

"You amaze me," she sighed.

The paramedics invaded and Carlisle assured them there was no emergency.

"Do you even want to be admitted? We can check the baby over and you could stay right here, if you prefer."

"What do you think, Edward?" she asked me.

"It's kind of messy here now. I'd like the chance to check you both over at the hospital and anyway, Jake will want to bring Bonnie in to visit in the Maternity Ward. We have sort of promised her she will get to meet her baby brother in there."

"Okay, we should go in then," she agreed.

Dad shook my hand and congratulated me on my best delivery so far and I agreed. It felt amazing, being doctor and father and husband. In no particular order.

"Hey, I just realised. The main reason I came back to Forks was the hope I would one day deliver your baby. I didn't imagine I would be his father, though. It's a miracle, indeed."

Carlisle went downstairs and returned with a large plastic garbage bag and started putting all the soiled linen inside it, as I helped Bella into the shower and the paramedics checked over our son while they waited.

The place no longer looked like a murder scene from CSI when we returned to the bedroom and Bella walked downstairs and climbed into the ambulance and sat ready to hold our towel swaddled son.

I sat beside her and we were soon settled in a private room with zoo animals on the walls.

"Bonnie is going to either love him or hate him," she speculated as I bathed the baby and dressed him in all blue. He was a boy and she'd already had two little girl babies to frill up. This one was to be all boy.

"So, that was quite a wake up call," I said, sliding onto her bed as she bared a breast and helped the baby attach. He was enthusiastic about it but why wouldn't he be?

"They are strictly on loan to you. I want them back," I warned him.

Bella smiled and kissed my lips. "This was almost fun, on the scale of giving birth. It probably doesn't get much better than that. It was quick and didn't hurt that much," she stated.

"Sure, you just like screaming," I replied. I was as always, amazed how women endured what was clearly a pain we men were lucky to never have to experience.

"It seemed like the thing to do at the time."

"You were great, I will always remember delivering our first son from your body. I was really excited. It was completely different, knowing he was mine and you are mine. I liked it, very much."

"I'm glad. Look at the hair. It's Edward hair. He is already a good and obedient child, presuming the eyes turn green in time."

"They will," Esme said, knocking at the door.

"Come I and see the first Cullen grandson," I invited her.

"Oh, he's wonderful. Now we have one of each. A granddaughter and a grandson."

"And soon there will be others."

"Let him have his day in the sun, Edward. So, you know he must be really special, having his own father deliver him. Was it more amazing than scary?"

"I wasn't worried. I knew Bella knew the ropes, and would make it easy for me," I replied.

Bella was gazing at the baby and I suddenly realised I had not considered this was very much a bitter sweet experience for her. She had to be remembering the other two small babies she had fed for the first time. Especially Blythe, her firstborn. A woman would never forget how it felt to become a Mother.

I reached over and took her hand.

"What are you thinking?' I asked softly as Esme took the baby and held him up against her chest and rubbed his back.

"I'm okay. Its hard not to remember at a time like this. I thought I knew exactly how my life was going to be. Blythe was our first baby, and in time we would add a second, and Jacob and I would raise them and one day sit together in our rocking chairs and have our grandkids surrounding us."

"Are you ever sorry it's going to be me, at your side, grumbling about 'kids today'?"

"Of course not, but it is a new dream. I didn't really ever think you and I were possible. Not once I married Jake. Some times things happen for the best. Not losing Blythe, there will never be an upside to that."

"Bella, I will always grieve for her too, you know. I never met her, and yet she is a big part of our lives. All I have seen are a few photographs. And her sister. Thank God for Bonnie."

"Yes, thank God for Bonnie," she echoed.

"She will keep Blythe alive for us, in a way. We will always wonder how alike they would have been, and as Bonnie grows up, we will have a glimpse of how Blythe may have turned out, as well."

"Rose adored her,you know. Really adored her."

"It takes a lot to effect Rosalie that way," I agreed.

"She will be a great Mom," Bella stated.

"She has you as her example to copy," I told her. "You are a wonderful Mother."

"Despite the whole having my child taken off me part?" she replied sadly as Mom handed the infant back to Bella so she could finish the first feed.

"I got to know your daughter and to know you again, so yes, despite all that. It was bad for you but it was almost good for me, you know. It made me sit down and work out what was important and dream about what was possible. I have no regrets, Bella. Bonnie brought us together."

"And look at us now," she replied, stroking our son's hair.

"So, is he truly Edward Cullen Junior?" Esme asked. "He looks just like you."

"I don't think Edward is happy about the name. Maybe we should put something in front of it?" Bella suggested.

"Chance," I said suddenly. "This baby is our Chance, and he gave me the chance to get to be with you."

"Chance Cullen. It's different. But it has meaning to us," she conceded. "Of course, now you need to get all those baby blankets redone, with "Chance" before the "Edward'."

"A small price to pay," I replied.

X~x~X

Bonnie beamed and held her hands out to Bella as Jake carried her into the room, then she looked in disbelief at the small bundle Bella was feeding.

"Rats, I was hoping to be finished before you got here," Bella exclaimed. I stepped forward and took Chance from her so Bonnie could enjoy being back with her Mom for a few moments.

She wasn't fooled and she looked just as anxious because I was holding him.

"This is your new baby brother," I said, holding the baby out where she could look at him. She smiled and sucked on her finger then touched his face, gently.

"Baby."

"His name is Chance."

She frowned and didn't seem impressed, and shook her shiny black pigtails her Other Father had put in her hair.

"Possum. Baby Possum," she replied, patting his arm.

"I bought her an animal book. She liked the possum," Jake said. "He does have a lot of hair and look a bit like a possum."

"He does not. He's beautiful," Bella objected to her ex husband. Jake laughed.

"Of course he's beautiful, Bella. He's yours. You only have beautiful babies, no matter who their father's are."

"True," I agreed.

"May I hold him?" Jake asked, paling a little.

I handed the infant to him and watched his face. It was like watching a movie, seeing the emotions flash across it. Sadness that the first newborn he had ever held was no longer here. Regret that this child wasn't his. Hope that this child would be part of his life.

"He's amazing," he murmured. "He's just perfect. I never thought I'd say that about somebody else's son, let alone a baby some other man created with my wife."

"Thank you, Jacob," I replied. I really did hope some day Jake would meet another girl and have this experience firsthand. He seemed to sense what I was feeling and handed Chance back to me.

"Thank you, Edward. I could really do with a Chance of my own," he said, openly wiping his eyes.

"You will meet some special girl and add to this menagerie," Bella assured him. "Between the three of us and your next wife, we will repopulate Forks and make it a city."

"Yeah. I don't know if I could do that, with a woman who isn't you, Bella. I really thought you would be the Mother of all my kids. But I can see, a son would be nice."

"I don't think Edward likes you THAT much," she replied. "I think he expects me to only carry his babies from now on."

"You want more?" Jake said in surprise. "You have a pigeon pair. What's left to have?"

"Maybe a little girl with copper ringlets," Bella answered, looking at me, then at Jake.

"There is that," he agreed. "Then Edward truly would have it all. Everything any man could ever desire."

"I already have everything," I replied. I truly was starting to consider the benefits of maybe just one more child. I didn't want to put Bella through more than she could handle and every new baby would be a reminder of the one she lost.

"One more," she said, taking my hand.

"Okay," I grinned. "One more. It's a deal."

X~x~X

We were swamped with well wishers and the pile of small blue outfits grew day by day but when I took my wife and son home again, he wore that little outfit Bella had bought as a distraction. Chance looked amazing in it. I found myself just staring at him as he slept and marvelling that anything that tiny could make you feel so many emotions; pride, hope, fear, and most of all, overwhelming love, and a need to protect him.

I didn't think I would have managed any better than Jacob had, in the circumstances that had ground him down and taken away his dreams and hopes for the child he loved more than any other human being in the world.

I knew he loved Bella, as I did, but the love for your child is different and no less strong.

I'd have gone to some far flung country myself and sought out death. It would have seemed the easier option than coming home and had to face seeing Bella with another man, with his child calling that man "Dadda" and also having to see them gain even more and produce their own baby.

Nope, Jake was a better man than I was. It made me realise, no matter how good my intentions had been, I would never have been able to just live on the perimeter of Bella's life and watch her raise her kids with Jacob. I would have forgotten she was his and tried to claim her as my own and I hated anyone who came between spouses and broke a family apart.

At least I was spared being that monster.

I was deeply sorry for Jake. In another world, we would have all lived together and raised the kids under the one roof with all three parents, but I would never have allowed him to touch my Bella again.

He had his turn, and he let her fall, I reminded myself.

I would never do that.

I lifted the stirring baby and clutched him against my chest and prayed that God had no plans to reclaim him, because I never wanted to be put to that hateful test.

"Hey, is he ready to be fed? I want to go to bed and sleep," Bella said, walking over and kissing our son on his downy hair.

I sat beside them and went to get Bonnie when she started crying in her crib. We sat there in the twilight of the day, counting our blessings and I Iooked at Bella.

"I couldn't be more sorry for any man than I am for Jake. He really didn't chose to let you go. He wasn't of sound mind when he left."

"Edward, there's nothing we more we could do for him than we are doing now."

I knew that but as she lay sleeping in my arms that night, I really did wish I could clone her and give him his life back.

Nobody deserved to lose Bella.

THE END


	15. Chapter 15

Paying The Piper

Epilogue

(You may have missed the last chapter as it updated when fanfic was not notifying anyone so check before you read this. It was the chapter where Edward's son was born.)

BPOV

"Ready?" I asked, lifting Bonnie down off the bench. Her hair was past her waist already now she was three. Chance was just wearing a diaper and undershirt because one thing I had learned about little boys is, you don't put on their final layer of clothing until you are about to strap them into their carseat, and you always take a second outfit because if there is a single spot of dirt in the vicinity, he will find it.

Edward nodded and slipped the blue shorts and top onto Chance, then picked his struggling son up and headed for the car.

"It's sad, of course, to be going to this funeral but I can't help thinking it's how he deserved to die. I know that sounds harsh, but think about it," I said to my husband as he carefully checked the traffic around us.

"It's ironic. Jasper's Father gets stranded when his car breaks down and the passing motorist giving him a ride to the nearest garage crashes because he had Big Tex's faulty brake pads in his car. He was incredibly lucky to walk away without a scratch. The passenger side took the whole brunt of the impact."

"I wonder how Jasper really feels? I know there was no love lost between Father and son, but still, you only get one Dad," I replied thoughtlessly.

"Or you can be really lucky and get a second one who is far superior to your bio," Edward shrugged.

"I keep forgetting, sorry," I replied.

"I do too. Don't worry about it. When I was washing Chance in the bath last week, I looked at his toes and thought, poor kid, he has the Cullen toes that make his foot longer than most, like both Carlisle and I have, then ages later I realised he could have only inherited that from me. It's too ingrained, we just all think we are the children of Esme and Carlisle."

"You all are," I agreed. "It really doesn't matter about biology."

Jasper looked calm and Alice was hanging onto his arm, brushing the strands of hair that tended to fall down across his face away behind his ear.

"Oh, babies," she said happily, reaching her arms out to take Chance from Edward.

"Don't put him down," my husband warned, looking at the gravestones dotted around the cemetery. Chance would think this place was Disneyland, so much to grab and destroy.

Rose and Emmett approached with their spotlessly clean twin girls and I bit my lip. Always so clean and tidy, never a golden hair out of place. Our son was definitely different to the girls.

"Why are you burying here? He never lived here, he never even came to visit you," Emmett asked and I cringed a little. He always cut right to the chase.

"I thought maybe he and I would get along better now he's dead," Jasper replied in all seriousness. "I can visit him and talk and tell him about my life and what's happened since I moved here and he can't shout me down and tell me what a loser I am and how Austin is the only son he has."

"And your Mom and brother don't care where he's buried?"

"Mom's not well," Jasper answered, avoiding eye contact. Mrs Whitlock had been 'unwell' most of Jasper's life. He had secured the plot beside his Father's, knowing one day in the not so distant future, her fragile body would give up the fight. She had survived a liver transplant last year but it was still touch and go, and Austin had welcomed Jasper back into the family fold so he could renew ties with her before she, too, ended up right here.

His father had made a point of never being home when Jas and Alice visited, but as Jasper said, now he would have to endure his son's visits. He had no choice about who visited his grave.

"Can Summer and Skye and I walk around and read the names on the rocks?" Bonnie asked.

"Sure," Rosalie replied. Her Nanny was always in attendance and she nodded to Nessie to just accompany them, but let Bonnie have the illusion she was in charge.

Our daughter liked her brother well enough but she did prefer the company of other little girls.

Summer held out her little hand obediently and Skye looked defiantly at her Mom and put both of hers behind her back. A rebel already.

Rose bit her lip and shook her head.

"Mind of her own, that one."

"She's great, they are both great," Emmett replied, touching the tops of his daughters golden heads.

"I know she is great but you can already see Skye will be the one who brings home the unsuitable boyfriends just to stir us up. The ones covered in tattoos with everything pierced."

"Huh, that will be the norm by the time she is a teenager. The rebels will have tattoo free bodies and no piercings, because they are the individuals," Alice laughed.

"So, may I have a turn holding Chance? He's not usually this patient and calm," Rose requested.

Alice handed him over and our son made us feel proud as he sat complacently in his Aunts arms. Although he was at that really difficult toddler stage of wanting to spend his whole day running amok, he was a very sensitive child and seemed to know when he should just behave and not cause us any headaches and the graveyard seemed to be just such a location.

"There's Jake. It's so nice of him to come today," Rosalie said, smiling as he made his way towards the three small girls. Bonnie saw him approach and ran to him with her hands outstretched.

She had not yet reached an age where she would start to wonder why she had two Dads and she never showed much preference between them now. She loved them both and I was glad of that because Jake had made her the main focus of his life.

Edward was completely fine with the relationship Jacob had with Bonnie, in fact, he always made a point of inviting my first husband to family events, even if just Sunday lunch, and he always pointed out Jake's good qualities.

He will always amaze me, but maybe that is because there are so few truly good men in this world and Edward seemed like a saint walking among sinners sometimes.

I knew he still worried about Jake being alone.

He'd even suggested we start inviting this nurse or that to some of our gatherings but so far, Jake had only showed polite interest in any of them and there had been no dates.

Rose's Nanny was talking to him as he held Bonnie in his arms and he was clearly asking about the joy of chasing after the twins and I nudged Edward.

"What?' he asked, putting his arm around my shoulders, and leaning down so I could whisper into his ear.

"Look at the way Jake's behaving with Vanessa," I hissed.

Edward looked across and shrugged, confused. Such a man.

"He's laughing at whatever she's saying, and he's standing quite close, for Jacob. He usually keeps a lot more distance between his body and any single females body. He likes her," I explained. God, men. They have no idea.

Nessie was laughing back, and her face was slightly blushed with a pink glow as she answered him and her eyes strayed back to him every time after she had checked where the girls had toddled off to.

"Fuck me, I think Jake's going steal our Nanny," Rose stated. "No way. I need that girl. I could never cope with the girls alone."

"You could still employ her days. They don't even wake up at night now. Don't spoil this, Rose," I begged. "He hasn't looked at a girl in that way since..."

"Since you and he were kids," she guessed accurately.

"How do you women know these things? It looks like a perfectly normal conversation to me," Edward stated.

"We can tell," Rose said smiling at him. "We can always read the writing on the wall."

"I can't even see the wall," he admitted.

"It's cool," Jasper replied. "Just watch. It's not even based on lust, he really likes her."

"I think my husband is a very good judge on when men are just feeling the urge to bang someone," Alice said.

Carlisle and Esme joined us and we all made our way over the where the preacher stood.

I took Bonnie from Jake and let him stay with Vanessa and the twins, over on the other side of the yard, while we politely listened to the words Jasper had written.

He was respectful in what he said about his Father but didn't bother pretending the man was better than he had been, but he did say he hoped his father had learned his life lessons and would be a better man next time he was reborn to visit this Earth again. Jasper believes we are all sent back multiple times until we get things right and live a decent life.

He has even said both Edward and I are on our final visits to this existence and next we have an eternity together on the Other Side.

What can I say? Eternity with Edward? I no longer fear Death. If Edward and I will always be together, how scary could it be? And both my husband and Jasper believe I will see Blythe again so I hold on to the hope they are right.

I started to feel queasy as the service proceeded and swallowed hastily. This was not really the time or place to tell Edward he had managed to knock me up again. Alice took my hand and squeezed it tightly in hers and I grimaced at her. The only reason I had held off making my announcement was because she wanted to tell Jasper and the rest of us her news today. It was their first pregnancy, they needed their moment in the spotlight.

It was my fourth, and hardly as exciting, especially seeing I knew exactly what to expect, and pregnancy is not always a bed of roses.

Finally it was over and Edward took Bonnie and put her down on the ground.

"She's getting too big for you to carry her around like that," he said quietly, grazing a finger across my abdomen.

"You know?" I growled.

"Bella, I'm a doctor and a pregnancy sniffer dog. Of course I know. I haven't told anyone but Carlisle knows."

"Of course he does. Like Father, like Son. Does he know about Alice?"

"I don't think so, he hasn't mentioned anything."

"Good. At least there will be one surprise announcement today."

"It won't be a surprise to Jasper. He's so thrilled about having a child at last, he can hardly keep up the pretence that he doesn't know yet. She had better tell us all today or he will lose the plot and announce the pregnancy himself."

"Did you tell him?" I asked.

Edward frowned. "I didn't mean to, it was an accident."

I laughed.

"He said she looked pale and was worried and I just said you did as well and it was just part of the process. He realised right off what I was talking about."

The wake was interesting and Austin was late arriving but he looked so much like a professional version of his brother, it was funny to see what Jasper would look like without the shaggy hair and tanned skin and wearing something that wasn't boardshorts.

It was like the Before and After photos of a makeover show.

He and Jas seemed to get along well, and there was no resentment between them, even when Austin told his brother they had inherited equal third shares in his father's fortune. We all knew Jas had never wanted any money off his Father but Alice was always getting involved in supporting starving children and homeless shelters and such, I had little doubt she would convince him to accept his share and she would spend it wisely.

"So, I have some news," Alice said once we were all finished eating from the buffet she had prepared.

Jasper stood up and moved to her side, putting an arm around her waist and grinning broadly. She narrowed her eyes. "Do you know? How do you know? Edward!"

My husband ducked behind me and held me like a human shield.

"Bella's pregnant too, you can't hit her ," he cried, cowering theatrically.

"Okay, that is not fair," Alice groaned.

"Neither is denying your Father the right to walk down the aisle with you on his arm," Carlisle smirked, holding up his glass. "To Alice and Jasper and their first baby. And to Edward and Bella and their new addition. May they all have a happy ending and another two beautiful grandbabies for Esme and I to spoil rotten and send home jacked up on sugar."

Everyone laughed and did the toast and I nibbled on a plain cracker and avoided looking at the platters of rich food on the table.

This would be our final baby, in all probability. Edward had calmed down and no longer spoke about us having an entire baseball team. It wasn't so much the reality of how much work the two we had were as the fact he wanted to really be involved with them all and didn't want to spread himself too thinly. And he wanted us to always have the time and energy for one another.

Three were good. Three on earth and one in Heaven.

I hoped we would have a little girl. I really wanted Edward to have a biological daughter as well. Even though he did consider Bonnie his, it would be nice for him to have a little girl he didn't have to share, but then, knowing him, he would share her anyway.

Jake was playing ball with Chance and Edward just watched them and smiled. It was no wonder I loved him as much as I did.

As the wake ended, Rose took her twins and helped Nessie strap them in then she turned to my husband. Edward stepped forward and looked at Jake.

"Bella and I had dinner reservations booked for tonight but she's too tired to go. It's all paid for, maybe you and..." he looked around, pretending he really was looking for someone for Jake to take.

"Vanessa has this evening off," Rose suggested, trying to make it sound like the two of them had not conspired to set this up.

"Okay, that would work," Edward said. "Just turn up at Staria's at eight and it's all paid for so, enjoy."

Jake looked bashfully at Nessie and my heart skipped a beat. He truly had never looked at anyone but me like that before, and like Edward, I so desperately wanted him to move on and be happy.

Sometimes I wondered what would have happened had he not initiated the divorce before disappearing. Maybe I would have waited.

I had no regrets because the whole situation had landed me into the right arms, but Jake had paid such a heavy price for his overwhelming grief. I didn't resent anything he had done now that I understood it better.

As my ex-husband and Vanessa left together, Rose gave Edward a high five.

"Tomorrow I tell her I no longer need her to live in, and Jake does have that spare bedroom to rent out," she reminded us.

"Thanks Rose. I'd volunteer to help out with the twins only I'm kept pretty busy with Bella and our own menagerie," he replied.

"If they start waking up in the middle of the night again, I am calling you over to settle them," she warned.

"He always wanted a whole heap of kids," Emmett replied, slapping Edward's back. "he can do night shift at our house."

"No way," I replied, " I have chores for him once our kids are asleep. He's too busy."

"Bella, he's knocked you up again already, what more can you need him for?" Emmett smirked, climbing into his car.

"Any plans to make an announcement yourself, Rose?" Esme asked cheekily.

"No way. Two is my limit," she replied. "I was so lucky to get my waistline back after the twins, I won't be pushing my luck any further."

Emmett winked at Edward, and they both laughed. She had better be the one in charge of the contraception or she could find herself feeling like I did.

Nauseous and tired.

"Take me home," I told Edward, and he packed the kids up and strapped them both in.

Chance fell asleep instantly but Bonnie was as alert as ever and she seemed very excited.

"What's up, Baby Girl?' Edward asked as he drove.

"I want to be a flowergirl again. I don't remember your wedding but I want to wear wings again."

"You may just get your wish," Edward answered, grinning.

"Why do I feel like I'm married to the village matchmaker?" I asked.


End file.
